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Am I too hard?

(87 Posts)
springyhope Wed 03-Oct-12 23:36:17

A lodger arrived today and, how to say this - she was difficult from the off. I need the money, she needed the room and I thought ah well, see how it goes (didn't expect it to last long). We bashed out payment terms and, as the intro had been short notice (both of us recommended to the other by a friend last night), she said she would go to the bank to get the money. Then she decided she would transfer it on the internet ("I don't want to go out now") - by now her stuff was in the room [<< yy I'm an idiot]. There was a problem with transferring it on t'internet (...) and she put her boots on to go to the cashpoint, while I left to go out for the night. She said she would put the money on the table for when I got back - "A nice treat for you" (treat? er no, payment , love)

Got back, no money on the table. She's upstairs in her room, showered and cosy. I call up "where's the money?" and she mumbled about, dithering up there. "Can I have the money please? I expected it on the table when I got home". Waited. Waited. Eventually she comes downstairs (I was pretty pissed off by now), purse in hand. Purse stayed closed. Waited. She launches into a speech that she's had second thoughts (purse still closed) and I was quick to say she can't 'have second thoughts' when her feet are under the table and she's freshly showered and had spent the evening at my house (I had also given her a bit of supper); to which she retorted that she hadn't signed a contract....

to which I was short and deadly sharp. She tried various manipulations <yawn> but no joy for her on those. PUrse still closed. She said she was going to leave there and then, I said not without paying me. I thought for a bit, then said £30 for the night (for mucking me about, chiefly). Dear God, that purse creaked open very, very eventually, and she put the £30 on the table, folded up.

She cranked up to manipulate a bit more and I cut her off, saying I hoped she'd sleep well but I expected her to leave in the morning. I'm here logging on to MN and the door goes - she's gone, it's pouring with rain, she doesn't know where she is (new to the city), no buses running now, no taxis here. And I'm still sitting here....

too soft, more like. But she's a woman in a strange place who doesn't know where she is and has gone off in a flounce. yy I get mighty pissed off when people manipulate, heart turns to stone: absolute zero tolerance. But... should I go after her? She doesn't know where she is. She's obviously a vulnerable sort, in her way (iyswim). She's 41 and a royal pain in the arse

I expect she's sobbing up the road...

izzyizin Thu 04-Oct-12 09:37:32

Hmm, Hmm, <<clears throat>> this isn't AIBU, Bit, and I suspect that some responses here would differ substantially had springy entitled her thread 'Was I Too Soft' which, clearly, from the outset she was.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 04-Oct-12 09:41:12

Oh no! So it isn't blush

Rather oddly its in relationships grin

I agree with you that op's question was wrong. Neither party comes out of this smelling of roses and I hope they are both wiser in future

I still hope the lodger is ok <hopeless softy>

springyhope Thu 04-Oct-12 10:00:07

ffs - of course I expect differing opinions - read the blarsty thread. I don't like third person stuff, wherever I see it - usually when a poster is launching an attack on the OP. Bad form.

and of course I hope she's ok - read the blarsty thread. nightmare woman who is probably sodden somewhere, bleating that springy isn't running a charity. nightmare!

Lived and learnt!

Just another little nugget - she told me she might play her guitar in the night when the inspiration came; and was put out that I said it would wake others in the house. But if I get the inspiration, she started...

izzyizin Thu 04-Oct-12 10:02:10

Bitter Experience leads me to believe that we need have no fear for the lodger, Bit, and that, given this is Relationships, our concern should be reserved for Springy who has had a narrow escape so nearly became the victim of an arch manipulator.

As The Bard has it, all's well that end's well.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 04-Oct-12 10:07:19

Springy, you don't do yourself any favours with that tone, you really don't

springyhope Thu 04-Oct-12 10:15:32

'that tone' ??? grin

springyhope Thu 04-Oct-12 10:18:16

I've just remember she said she had a relative in the city.

PHEW!!! that bloody woman, putting me through that shit!

excuse the tone though

<goes off to brush up on my tone>

BitOutOfPractice Thu 04-Oct-12 10:18:50

Yes, ffs hmm And I have read the "blarsty" thread thanks

I disagreed with you. That's all. I don't need your rolly eyes and for fucks sakes.

You sound very hot headed

izzyizin Thu 04-Oct-12 10:20:21

Sadly, I can't clone my chef but I can lend you my guitar tuner in the hope that it will improve Bit's tone, Springy grin

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 10:23:33

You went with your instincts. A normal lodger would have paid immediately. She was trying it on and it would have got worse. She is not your problem. You need the money.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 10:24:57

You're well rid!

sugarice Thu 04-Oct-12 10:29:03

You did the right thing OP, she'll be fine.

BegoniaBigtoes Thu 04-Oct-12 10:31:41

God OP, can't believe you're getting a pasting. Sounds like a total nightmare. Yes, IMO you were hard, because you had to be. People like this home in on people who they think are a soft touch. I think what happened was that the penny dropped that you are not a soft touch and that's why she had second thoughts. They force you to either put up with them, or be hard to get rid of them. I'm not saying this from a landlord POV but I've met people like this socially.

When you said she was 41 I was like this shock - from her behaviour she sounded more like 19.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 04-Oct-12 10:32:20

Begonia, hardly a pasting. Just little old me blush

BegoniaBigtoes Thu 04-Oct-12 10:37:34

Oh Bit. Sorry I was nice to OP about the non-pasting!


Maybe she could live with you? grin

BitOutOfPractice Thu 04-Oct-12 10:39:09

I don't think that arrangement would last as long as the one described here before one of us killed the other

Btw we are not allowed to speak about her in the 3rd person. House rules grin

izzyizin Thu 04-Oct-12 10:40:40

Women like her have a relative in every town, a date in every oasis, a port in every storm, and when they're between gigs, as it were, they use others to perfect their act.

Don't give her another thought, Springy.

geegee888 Thu 04-Oct-12 11:06:16

an aforementioned married bloke chucked out by his wife, who expected to slip into my warm house and take up where he left off with his wife

Oh yes, there are a lot of those ones on the lookout. Out of 9 enquiries I had recently, 2 fell into this category. One of them told me he was "being chucked out by his girlfriend at the weekend". I knew I wasn't even going to let him view the room, and told him I got on better with housemates from a similar background and age to myself. This led to him informing me that I sounded younger than him, as he was 45, but as his girlfriend (the one chucking him out) was only 29, it could work!

Actually I am a bit gobsmacked at all these older men who are functionally homeless and think they can just move in with another woman, because you just know they would try it on with you! I actually got one of them by default, a friend's ex, and while he paid the rent, he did try it on (unsuccessfully, obviously) but oh my god, getting him to leave - I had to actually give him £200 to move out - money well spent!

lemonstartree Thu 04-Oct-12 12:03:00

lucky escape. Not too hard AT ALL. she would NEVER have paid rent on time and ust been a gigantic pain in the butt. Well done on getting rid so quickly

carlywurly Thu 04-Oct-12 13:14:33

She sounds a nightmare, you are well rid imo. Sounds like she was after a freebie for whatever reason.

I'm notoriously soft, but wouldn't have wanted her in my home for any longer than necessary, and I think you were firm but not unduly harsh. A friend in need would be completely different, but you didn't know her nor owe her anything, and she sounded to be rude from the off.

LemonDrizzled Thu 04-Oct-12 13:31:16

Not too hard at all. The fact you agonised about her and posted here says that. But I agree with those that say be more professional.
Is your need for cash making you liable to cut corners a bit? Better to take it steady and find a good lodger.

And the angsty 41 year old with the guitar? She must have an interesting back story leading to her pitching up on your doorstep but fortunately she is not your problem.


springyhope Thu 04-Oct-12 18:15:30

Is your need for cash making you liable to cut corners a bit?

that'll be the one <pfft>

That, and foreign students just arrive, I do the drill - explain everything - and it's short and sharp, done and dusted: we both know why we're there and the score. Different with a lodger - the 'drill' isn't the same - but they are neverthless not housemates, but lodgers. They can be housemates if they take equal responsibility with me if eg the toilet is broken but, if not, they are lodgers.

Opentooffers Thu 04-Oct-12 18:56:36

Hmm... sub-letting rules and tax fraud springs to mind - wouldn't there be contracts otherwise. Live by the sword ?

geegee888 Thu 04-Oct-12 19:06:07

*Hmm... sub-letting rules and tax fraud springs to mind - wouldn't there be contracts otherwise. Live by the sword

I think someone's imagination is running away with them a little.

How dare you rent a room in your house OP! Be more professional about it!

AndMiffyWentToSleep Thu 04-Oct-12 19:11:24

I think you had a lucky escape and weren't too harsh. What would've happened if you'd accepted her non-payment? She'd still be staying with you now, for free, and at your inconvenience. Well done for insisting on payment and not being soft!

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