Need some advice on a 'relationship' i have been having with another guy about where it is going and what i should do. I ultimately know only i can be the one to decide what to do but would be good to have some advice and comfort of people been in a similar position.
Firstly i met this guy back in June this year and we hit it off straight away. After a couple of dates we agreed we were interested in only seeing eachother and he wasn't interested in meeting other people. This was agreed mutually and at that stage i said it would be nice to meet up once a week for drinks and meals out just to get to know him more.
Three months on from this he will not give status to the relationship and to be honest it doesn't make me feel good emotionally! I said why won't he use the term bf and he said it makes him feel tied down but he says he is not scared of committment, however he is always contradicting himself.
He makes plans then changes them, does not text for 4 days or more than a week and never answers the phone. He is in the closet and only a couple of close friends know he is gay but he said he would never come out to his parents and that i would never be introduced to anyone as his partner/boyfriend. He does not like labels which makes me think he is not comfortable being who he is. He also tells me he is separated from his wife but that is not really an issue as he says that he has no feelings for women and that his marriage was over 17 years ago.
We have only just started getting physical as i did not want to rush things but the fact remains he won't give our relationship boyfriend status and the fact i won't be introduced as boyfriend makes me feel worthless and something to be ashamed of.
I hate secrets, lies and pretending something your not, so how the hell as a gay man who is out but only to close family and friends have a successful relationship with a man who is not out to his family? I never tell people my sexuality as it is private and none of their business so i understand people who he doesn't know is not an issue. But if you can't tell your own parents then something is drastically wrong.
I told him i love him and he said the same but he can't actually say the word love back. I am not prepared to wait around for him and if he truly loved me he would make the effort to see me more often and include me in his life wouldn't he.
Is this relatinship ever going to progress into something long term and meaningful?
P.S. He said from the start he wanted a partner and something long term so why do these men do this?
Brendan
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bm900 · 03/10/2012 16:12
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