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FFS, sometimes H's inability to ever be wrong, ever, just drives me insane

(33 Posts)
bran Wed 03-Oct-12 11:26:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 03-Oct-12 11:37:37

He sounds like a complete PITA. Belligerent, bullying, unpleasant, scornful and treats you with contempt. And you're still tolerating him because?....

NotQuiteCockney Wed 03-Oct-12 11:39:10

God, bran, he really sounds like an arse. You deserve so much better than him.

Iheartpasties Wed 03-Oct-12 11:40:53

oh god thats an awful thing for him to say.

Lueji Wed 03-Oct-12 11:56:06

Well, you can tell him, from me, that my grandmother had her 3 sisters die at 77.

She is still going strong and well on course for her 102nd birthday in a couple of months! (and annoying everyone around her in the meantime - toxic relative)

Age of death of siblings is not indicative at all.

On the other issues, it was really callous of him to say that and his not admitting that he's ever wrong is a huge red flag and pretty annoying.

anice Wed 03-Oct-12 12:09:43

My DH is never wrong either. He's got a very predictable series of responses whenever I pull him up for saying/ doing/ not doing something that is out of order.
The only thing that works is to laugh at him and invite him to come back to me when he's had time to think it through logically. It really annoys him, but its either him or me that's going to get annoyed sometimes.
Sorry, your DH said such a horrible thing though.

bran Wed 03-Oct-12 12:10:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 03-Oct-12 12:24:37

I think a lot of it springs from insecurity. A weak person keeps fighting their corner because their self-esteem is so fragile and artificial it would crumble if they lost face. It takes strength of character and confidence to hold your hands up, admit you're not perfect and carry on regardless.

Weak people also often resort to attack as their first line of defence. The sneery, unpleasant, heartless and condescending tactics are diversion tactics. They've lost the argument so they 'play the man, not the ball'

wednesdaygirl Wed 03-Oct-12 12:24:49

Tell him to put the lottery on for me then if hes never wrong wink

bran Wed 03-Oct-12 12:42:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 03-Oct-12 12:57:30

"I think he probably feels now that an unquestioning wife who takes pride in her housework and enjoys cooking would be the ideal"

That's his Christmas present sorted then. One time-machine to transport him back 60 years.... smile Doesn't all this standing firm in the face of overwhelming evidence just make him look like a tit?

StuntGirl Wed 03-Oct-12 13:19:25

cognito grin

StuntGirl Wed 03-Oct-12 13:20:02

Er, cogito blush

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 03-Oct-12 13:24:40

you may find this useful:

BillyBollyBandy Wed 03-Oct-12 13:35:27

Only an inferior mind cannot accept it is wrong. Tell him that wink

My DF is like this in some ways. He isn't controlling but if you prove him wrong he says you misunderstood whay he was saying orginally. And he cheats at Monopoly. I could throttle him grin

NormaStanleyFletcher Wed 03-Oct-12 13:42:04

How utterly wearing that must be.

Good luck with the exit plan smile

bran Wed 03-Oct-12 13:52:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuntGirl Wed 03-Oct-12 14:03:16

I'm glad you feel you have a plan of escape bran. You deserve more happiness than this man can give you.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Wed 03-Oct-12 14:12:51

He sounds a nightmare! I couldn't be with someone like that.

AnastasiaSteele Wed 03-Oct-12 14:42:43

I was relieved to read further on you plan on getting out bran. He sounds a DELIGHT hmm.

I'm sorry you lost your darling Dad.

DameKewcumber Wed 03-Oct-12 14:50:40

Oh BRan - have you tried poking in the eye for no obvious reason from time to time, I'm sure it will make you feel much better.

I had a (long term) ex just like this. The only thing which worked for me in the end was before we got into an argument but after his initial "correct" statement, instead of trying to put my view forward I would smile and say very calmy - "you do realise that just because you say that, doesn't actually make it true?" and refuse to discuss it any further.

Re the "well they'll all be dead soon" comments which can't really be argued with because who the hell normal knows or would state it as a fact that came into my "I see, we're going for the irrelevant statement rather than being grown-up and talking about how I/they feel" and change the subject.

If you persist it can drive them insane, of course it won't actually help your marriage unless he perks up and pays attention which didn't happen in my case.

DameKewcumber Wed 03-Oct-12 14:50:57

I'm so sorry about your Dad.

Mayisout Wed 03-Oct-12 15:18:42

My DH is a bit like this. And the upshot of living with an expert is that YOU become 'unreasonable' in your efforts to make your point because you are wrong before you start, and they don't want to hear it anyway, so you have to have your say it very stridently to get it in at all.

My DH works very hard at being the most knowledgeable. He was the eldest of 5 so I think maybe he always expected to be the cleverest and still wants to be. He can spout facts about the area (for example when we have visitors) and tell great tales so I just let him get on with it.

But he can be sneery about my family (siblings parents not DCs). I put this down to jealousy possibly due to the fact that they can take up my time. And that might be the reason for the nasty comment from your DH, OP.

I am trying to call him on these things as soon as I feel that slight tensing of the tummy muscles when he has annoyed me but often miss the chance as I have chosen not to respond to them (in an effort to keep the peace) for so long.

Mayisout Wed 03-Oct-12 15:21:27

Should have been 'so you have to have your say very stridently...', no it.

dondon33 Wed 03-Oct-12 15:25:08

Ahh Bran, it's so tiresome isn't it?
Good you do have a plan to leave. You don't deserve to put up with his behaviour.

He really enjoyed feistyness in women So I'm assuming he got that with you, going by your statement - because I'm not the type that can be controlled

He can't have you become a different person just because he always wants to be was ok back in the day so why does he feel the need to now compare you unfavourably to his brother's wife. You describe her as an Angel, possibly she is but YOU are head and shoulders above her for putting up with your DH - tell him to put that in his pipe and smoke it.

Regarding the "dying" comments :@ OMG how horrible - the man is a twat!!
Sorry about your Dad and your Aunt xx

I know it's not helpful to the situation but when he's forcing "rightness" on you and you know it's doubtful wrong information. I couldn't help myself wind him up to keep replying "ok, honey that's your opinion" smile

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