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He's gone.

(10 Posts)
slowlygoingbonkers Tue 02-Oct-12 12:44:01

He left this morning over an argument about me buying a pack of fags. Don't know wether to be upset or relieved to be honest. Just worried about the kids now. How on earth do I tell them sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 02-Oct-12 12:56:15

Tell them he's gone away for a while and, when you're sure it's final, tell them the truth. Children mostly want to know that their lives won't change too much and they need reassurance that they are loved and that the break-up is nothing they've done wrong. If the relationship has been bad for some time, they might be quite relieved themselves.

slowlygoingbonkers Tue 02-Oct-12 13:15:28

There has been no violence. Just control, I can't go out and buy anything without his permission. Always walking on eggshells around him and I had bad depression when pregnant and he brings that up all the time calling me a physcho and mental. It's stupid I know but just scared of being alone.

myroomisatip Tue 02-Oct-12 13:34:22

Being alone is nothing to be scared of. I think you will find it much better than worrying about upsetting your 'D'P. You have your children and they need you so you are not really alone. How old are they? Do you have any friends or family close by?

slowlygoingbonkers Tue 02-Oct-12 13:40:48

I have 3. An 8 year old, 7 year old and almost 2 year old. No family close by. About half hour bus ride away. I have got his uncle near though who has told me that he will help in anyway he can. (he knows what he can be like)

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 02-Oct-12 15:01:29

You and therefore your entire household is going to be so much happier without this bully in the middle of it. Your kids may be upset at first but I think that'll be pretty short-lived. No more treading on eggshells. No more depression. Are you worried about being alone because you fear reprisals?

slowlygoingbonkers Tue 02-Oct-12 15:05:46

In a way yes. He has threatened to go and take youngest before (other two aren't his so he wouldn't have a leg to stand on) I went through months of being terrified to go out incase I went home and he had done one.
Never really thought about it as bullying before, but it is isn't it? angry

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 02-Oct-12 15:16:51

Bullying is precisely what it is. Others call it 'Emotional Abuse'. Some men stay in control by treating their partner just badly enough that they are too frightened to object but also too frightened to leave. Very common for them to use criticism, name-calling, threats, irrational arguments and the withholding of money as ways to smash your confidence. Other tactics are things like isolating you from friends and family... because then you have nowhere to run. He may not have started the same tactics on your DCs yet but that's usually the next step. Horrible.

Be careful about including his uncle. He may know what this man is like but blood is thicker than water and he could pass back information without your knowledge.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 02-Oct-12 15:16:51

Bullying is precisely what it is. Others call it 'Emotional Abuse'. Some men stay in control by treating their partner just badly enough that they are too frightened to object but also too frightened to leave. Very common for them to use criticism, name-calling, threats, irrational arguments and the withholding of money as ways to smash your confidence. Other tactics are things like isolating you from friends and family... because then you have nowhere to run. He may not have started the same tactics on your DCs yet but that's usually the next step. Horrible.

Be careful about including his uncle. He may know what this man is like but blood is thicker than water and he could pass back information without your knowledge.

slowlygoingbonkers Tue 02-Oct-12 15:21:13

I know but I trust his uncle. He is the only one who sees him as he is. And has actually warned me about him but I didn't listen.

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