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Are you married to a workaholic?(80 Posts)
Can you tell me what you would have done differently at the beggining? I've started seeing somebody who is a diamond but I think the work/life balance thingsmight too difficult to deal with. All advice really welcome.
I'm not sure my husband is a workaholic in the addicted-to-ones-job sense but his profession does come before our family most of the time. He describes his job as a vocation and, as such, I feel it is the main driving force in his life. Yes, it provides a comfortable lifestyle but he works away from home and has done since the children were born (3 aged between 6 and 2). Prior to that, his job shifted us around a lot and often with little notice, although it did provide a strong community and support network. He has spent a lot of time overseas - up to six months at a time - with little time off in that period.
I honestly believe he would have the same work ethic if he did the most basic or menial of jobs or if he was CEO of a FTSE100 company - he is simply deficated and driven. He admits he had no financisl security growing up and that he is desperate to secure our children's future. I think this is true but I also think he loves his job and the role it gives him and that I, no matter how much he loves me (and I know he does), cannot compete.
I am very independent and I work hard to ensure the security of our family from the domestic side. I have lots of family support and I must say that my husband is wonderful with the children when he is at home ( every other weekend unless he's overseas). I must also admit that I like our lifestyle and that I am very proud of the job he does and what he had acheived. I wish sometimes we had more time together and that his job wasn't so risky but I did know what I was getting into when I married him!
DH has been on holiday this week and put his phone on silent
Only so I couldn't hear it and nag, he has got up at 7am all week to work - I let the boys in to his office and stayed in bed he needed some father/son bonding time!
My brother- in -law is/ was a workaholic. Work came first. Intimacy and companionship way down the list. Now he's about to lose his job. He is bereft - It was all for nothing!
My DH has always put work ahead of everything else. He's had a number of different jobs since we've been together but it's always the same. In the beginning I had to insist we actually booked something and went away when he was on leave because he'd have to "pop in" a couple of times to make sure everything was ok.
A few times when he's changed jobs I've thought things will be better, but they never are. It's not the actual job but just work in general.
A couple of years ago he'd arranged to "pop into work" on Boxing day night, to cover people who hadn't turned up. WTAF?! Didn't bother to tell me until an hour before he left, and all our adult children had travelled from their various locations to be with us.
We've all got used to a life without him but it does make me really on behalf of my youngest DD who hardly ever sees him. Plus he decided about 7 years ago that as he was now working such long hours (for no extra pay) he would withdraw from any household chores. Only it didn't occur to him to discuss it with me first, and I work FT as well. Sadly took years before I realised what he was doing (we had teens at the time and he blamed them).
If he earned megabucks and all this working gave us a cushy life I wouldn't mind quite so much, but he earns only a little more than I do and we live from paycheck to paycheck, like most people.
Where is the OP?
OP, if you would like to have children in the future, be aware that it becomes far, far harder to be with someone who works long hours (if they won't change) after DC. Before, you are independent and can do your own stuff. After DC if they work more (often using the excuse that it's "for the good of you and the DC") you will be alone with them day and night, with v little time for anything you personally want to do, and probably exhausted! It will probably be difficult for you to continue to work, since workaholics are unlikely to shorten hours, take time off for sick DC etc.
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