Something weird has happened - and the more I think about it, the weirder it seems!

[DriedUpAndDeadToTheWorld]

Friday night DP and I went out drinking. Came home, watched a bit of telly and then went to bed. We had sex and then fell asleep. I don't remember noticing anything weird at this point.

Early next morning, we're in bed and I notice a mark on his shoulder. It looked very much like a bite mark and I ask "wow look at that!! is it a bite mark??" and he said quite calmly "no, we were giving each other 'twisters' at work and it will be a bruise from that. But I noticed there was some more light bruising down his chest and on his arm.

As the hours went on, this mark starting getting worse - until it was an awful purple bruise massively resembling a bad, human bite mark. I questioned it again and this time he said "you did it, last night". No way!! I wasn't that drunk and I'm not a 'biter' anyway. So I protested and he said it wasn't the mark from the twister as it was obviously a bite mark and was too severe to be from the twister .

So, Sunday night we go out to watch a band and he brings it up again saying "you should see that mark you did now, it's bright purple" and he shows me it. I said "I did NOT do that, I would have remembered and I wouldn't have done it anyway" and he got quite defensive and said "well I didn't get it anywhere else!!" to which I replied "I never said you did but I didn't do it!". He followed this up with "I don't mind, I just wish you'd admit it"

I keep thinking about it and it seems so odd!! It wasn't there when we first went to bed but I would have remembered doing it!!

So not to drip feed, it's a newish relationship and there have been a few slight signs of gaslighting. Not severe enough for me to say it definitely IS gaslighting, just a few hints (saying I've said things when I havn't) - the paranoid freak in me is wondering if he did it to himself and blamed me! I just can't see how else it could have happened!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Unless you have a history of drinking so much that you black out and can't remember your actions, if you say you didn't bite him, he got the bruises elsewhere....

[tzella]

I just can't see how else it could have happened

Uhm, someone bit him on the shoulder and it wasn't you...

[izzyizin]

If you were looking at him full on from the front, whereabouts on his shoulder would the bite mark be?

[DriedUpAndDeadToTheWorld]

That is the logical explanation I agree but it wasn't there when we went to bed, I would have noticed, not even faintly.

[DriedUpAndDeadToTheWorld]

It's hard to explain, from a frontal view it would be just moving in from the arm pit on his upper chest, just before the shoulder bone starts iyswim?

[BobbiFleckman]

given that you were (presumably) with him from friday PM (when it wasn't there when you went to bed) and Sunday pm when it was massive, how could someone else have done it? Even if (for sake of argument) he'd nipped out for a quicky from work at lunchtime on friday, there would ahve been something for you to see Friday night. Maybe he is just so damn good at The Sex, you lost yr marbles briefly? (lucky cow if so)

what's gaslighting btw?

[InfinityWelcomesCarefulDrivers]

If you're sure you didn't do it he either needs to admit who did or see his gp pronto.
And what sort of job do you get "twisters" (chinese burns?) Bad enough to bruise from?

[BobbiFleckman]

(as a control experiment, pls bit his arse tonight at 7pm and report back on timing of bruise development)

[crypes]

Are you sure its not a skin reaction/allergything ,infection? Could he have bitten himself on the shoulder, could he have hurt himself when drunk by mistake with out knowing. why would he be gaslighting? What benefit would it be to do that?

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

So sort of where it could have been self-inflicted?

[DriedUpAndDeadToTheWorld]

It could be self inflicted, I'm kinda tempted to do it to myself and see what it looks like but if he see's it I'll look like a nut job.

See none of it makes sense. I'm the most untrusting person in the world but even I struggle to see how anyone else could have done it. I'm 99.9% sure it wasn't there friday night when we went to bed or if it was it must have been so faint that it would have had to have been done within an hour or so of it appearing and I was with him all evening.

[greeneyed]

Nothing really productive to say except Bobbies experiment might work :)

[susiedaisy]

Could it be pinch marks rather than bite marks?

[DriedUpAndDeadToTheWorld]

Ok I've just tried to do it to myself and it doesn't work! I can create a "raised blood" style bruise but not a full on bite mark. Maybe it was from the twister??

[tzella]

Maybe it happened Friday afternoon? Before you went out in the evening. Was he at work? You sure?

We all know the weird stages that bruises go through, and their many and varied colours.

[tzella]

Twister/bite/whatever. He's told you several versions if 'the truth' already

[Arithmeticulous]

So is it an area you could reach to bite yourself?

[DriedUpAndDeadToTheWorld]

He was off work Friday afternoon, finished at 11.30 and was in a bit of an odd mood all evening (not quiet/guilty) but hyper/mischievous for want of a better word.

[BobbiFleckman]

ah so you're not sure it's a bite? any teeth marks?
Mr B-F bruises like a b*stard at the most minor encounters with vigour / walking into coffee tables (he does not however indulge in twisters in the office. Sounds like the right bodily location for one that woudl hurt though)

and again - gaslighting???

[susiedaisy]

I'm wondering whether it was from work but he's saw your reaction to it and has now twisted the story and is gaslighting you? Follow your gut feeling with this!

[geegee888]

tbh a grown man saying he got a bad bruise from giving his workmates "twisters" at work would make me more suspicious than the bruise itself...

[DriedUpAndDeadToTheWorld]

It just doesn't make sense!! he said it was a twister - and then said it was me - when I suggested it must be the twister he said it definitely wasn't from the twister as that bruise was further down - and he does have a bruise further down but it's an impact bruise, yellow. Not red/pressured like a twister bruise would be.

But if someone else had done it, why wouldn't he just stick with the twister story since I believed that one anyway??

[DriedUpAndDeadToTheWorld]

susiedaisy - that is the explanation that is bouncing around in my head. I'm sure it's a twister bruise but he's realised he could get a rise out of me by saying I did it. There have been a few examples of this recently, him trying to get a rise out of me!
So here come the red flags!

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Do you trust him?