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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Is this how it's done now?

40 replies

akaemmafrost · 01/10/2012 14:29

Have been texting a bloke for a few weeks. Met him in a pub and exchanged numbers. Not seen him as he lives quite a way away. The last couple of texts have been suggestive yuk!

This is not the first time this has happened. A bloke I knew from years ago, got back in touch recently and within a few texts was doing the same thing with NO come on from me. "oooh, like your photos on FB, you're very attractive" me: "thank you". Him: "what would you say if I told you I was having thoughts I shouldn't be having?" --double yuk!"

So is this how it's done now? Do I need to get with the programme? Or is it just men of a certain age? These two both late thirties.

I DO NOT LIKE IT!

OP posts:

Report

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn · 01/10/2012 14:31

Nope. There will be s few who do it for those reasons. But genuine ones won't. It's just finding them.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 01/10/2012 14:32

Theres more than a few. A lot of men IME do this.

There are still nice ones who dont. Wait for one of them :)

LizLemon007 · 01/10/2012 14:34

I think some men watch so much porn nowadays they just half expect every woman to talk dirty to them after one drink. Well not all men, but it's a good way of sortin g out the wheat from the chaff.

tzella · 01/10/2012 14:35

I'm late 30s and I hate this too. Don't understand it at all

Something in the culture has moved without me. Bunch of crap.

YesAnastasia · 01/10/2012 14:35

Yep, I think it is. Although when I met my husband I didn't even have a mobile phone.

It sounds exciting to me. Perhaps a bit cringy if you're not keen on the fella. But, as is the same with most things in a relationship, if you don't like it, don't do it. I'm sure they'll soon get the message.

akaemmafrost · 01/10/2012 14:36

But why? Does it work for them? 10 years ago is the last time I was on the pull (married in between) and blokes didn't do it then. Nothing more off putting is there? Honestly I feel nauseous when I read the texts!

OP posts:

susiedaisy · 01/10/2012 14:37

Nope I don't like it either, there's a million things you could say to person you're just getting to know, why choose those

akaemmafrost · 01/10/2012 14:37

Oh more posts. I see. Obviously this is how it's done now. Interesting perspective on the porn angle though. Never thought of that. I think you're right you know.

OP posts:

akaemmafrost · 01/10/2012 14:39

The trouble is I would probably like it GIVEN THE CHANCE TO GET TO KNOW AND FANCY THEM FIRST! I am no prude, I am really not but this I just can't get on with, with men I hardly know.

OP posts:

susiedaisy · 01/10/2012 14:41

Exactly I agree

LizLemon007 · 01/10/2012 14:41

Yeah, after you've already decided you like somebody and already slept with them then perhaps you could get into it?! but a 'sexy' text from somebody who is basically chancing his arm............ who would get sexty back??? what class of loser would you end up with if you encouraged it really?

YesAnastasia · 01/10/2012 14:45

Yes, I see your point. It's like cheap thrills for them.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 01/10/2012 14:54

It seems to have become a new form of flirting.

akaemmafrost · 01/10/2012 15:20

Well it's not for me. I will obviously be single forever now. Oh well.

OP posts:

tzella · 01/10/2012 15:21

akaemmafrost yup, me too :o

shouldkeepquiet · 01/10/2012 15:42

I am married but if i was single i would never do this.
I would think if this tactic worked then the sort of person it would work on would not be for me. Surely the sort of blokes who do this are only out for quick no-strings type of stuff, not anyone looking a relationship. I would use it as a weeding out tool - or for weeding out tools even!

ClippedPhoenix · 01/10/2012 15:46

I'm another one that doesn't like this at all OP. I find it positively Yuck and disrespectful.

converseconvert · 01/10/2012 15:51

I've not so much had it from texts but have deleted a few people on facebook for sending private messages like these. I'm not even single and am always a bit as there is never any build up to it just comes straigt after the general Hi and how have you been etc chat.

akaemmafrost · 01/10/2012 15:52

I am honestly and quite depressed that this is now the done thing. I was hoping I had just encountered a couple of bad apples.

OP posts:

stookiesackhouse · 01/10/2012 15:52

I find it disrespectful too. It's like they don't want to put the effort into getting to know you and building something worthwhile - they just want immediate familiarity and probably a quick no-strings fling.

As someone upthread said - great way of sorting wheat from chaff though.

Oh god, I am very recently single and have all this to look forward to don't I? :(

swallowedAfly · 01/10/2012 15:58

i don't like it either but yes it seems very common now.

it's like being used as a free wank service imo and i agree it's probably due to watching porn and really thinking that's what women are.

it really spoils everything - flirting should happen in person and there is all the subtle reading of signals and timing before you finally kiss and end up having sex. what a boring, shallow short cut to instead want instant pornification by text message.

itsallinmyhead · 01/10/2012 16:00

Before meeting my DP I joined an online dating site. Before long I realised that a lot of single men, despite saying they are looking for more than a fling, are actually hoping for a lot of one night stands.

I had a few dates before giving up. I think there are amazing men who are looking for serious relationships and are willing to court women in a 'traditional' sense, but there has definitely been an alarming 'shift' in todays culture toward fast, free & no strings flings.

A lot of women are doing the same...I've witnessed it.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/10/2012 16:16

I think it is fairly normal but, it's just the modern reincarnation of the cheesy chat-up lines i.e don't absent yourself from the dating scene completely, just have a few withering put-downs ready for the worst offenders.

"what would you say if I told you I was having thoughts I shouldn't be having?"
"I'd say that was a massive surprise because you didn't strike me as someone that had much going on between their ears "

Tressy · 01/10/2012 16:24

The kind of guy who does this is the kind who is only after sex.

WindyandWet · 01/10/2012 16:28

Am SO glad it's not just me who finds this offensive. I have a couple of guys who used to send me filth and I just hated it. They kept wanting to send me pictures, and have them send pictures back. I didn't, and refused to accept any they sent me.

Are there any decent blokes out there?

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