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Stuck in a bedroom rut, not doing enough, need ideas!

(11 Posts)
Lottapianos Mon 01-Oct-12 13:24:52

DP and I have been together for 7 years, no DCs. We've both been through a tough time recently with depression and stress on both sides. We're down to about once every 2 weeks and it doesn't feel like enough. I would like to get back to about twice a week. We went on hols recently and did it 3 times in a week and would have been more if I didn't have heatstroke on the last day! So we still enjoy it but we're stuck in a routine and I want to shake things up a bit. All advice welcome - but no bum stuff thanks!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 01-Oct-12 13:40:28

I'm loving 'no bum stuff'. smile I can only speak from personal experience but I think the best way to spice things up is to set aside more time (as you found on holiday), up the intimacy and make it fun. Means being more spontaneous, not just focusing on penetrative 'sex' but all the other things that bring you closer as a couple ranging from holding hands in the street or having champagne breakfasts, to sharing baths or texting naughty thoughts at inappropriate times.

Lottapianos Mon 01-Oct-12 13:46:17

Hello again Cogito! I've just been reading the other thread about bum stuff, with a face like this shock, wondering why anyone would want to even try it! All I can think of is pain!

We definitely spend far too much time in front of the telly and not enough time actually face to face with each other. We're really busy in the week but maybe I'll book somewhere nice for dinner on Friday night and surprise him, instead of vegatating and laughing in front of Miranda while he sits in the other room like this hmm

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 01-Oct-12 13:53:55

(And god created KY jelly... wink) A surprise night out is always a good start. He has to make an effort too, of course. Might be an idea to introduce 'no telly/laptop/distractions night' where you actually have to get together and talk... We're having one this evening. I'm cooking something exotic, he's pouring the wine and we'll probably end up chatting in the kitchen while he tries to distract me by goosing the cook!!!

Numberlock Mon 01-Oct-12 14:00:19

Some good suggestions from Cogito, there.

Is there an evening this week when you're both going to be home together with no plans? You could organise a date night! Give him an 'invitation' in the morning eg please report to the dining room at 7.00pm. Where you've made a nice candle-lit meal, followed by a massage. You could also send him some 'teasing' texts during the day about what's to come later on.

Apocalypto Mon 01-Oct-12 14:04:24

Print off some vouchers - BJ, hand job, You Get To Spank Me etc - and then either you or he gets to redeem one whenever. Or pick one randomly out of a bag.

Make sure the bag isn't your handbag, that you don't leave the vouchers in it, and that your mother never has occasion to look in it. This can be embarrassing. Guess how I know.

Lottapianos Mon 01-Oct-12 14:13:04

'Make sure the bag isn't your handbag, that you don't leave the vouchers in it, and that your mother never has occasion to look in it. This can be embarrassing. Guess how I know'

Yikes! grin What did she say Apocalypto? And which one did she choose???

tzella Mon 01-Oct-12 15:39:28

When my ex and I got into a rut we realised that cutting out the 'television and sofa' part of the early evening might be a good idea. We'd eat, clear up then have a shower then go to bed. Then we'd get back up and entwine on the sofa in post coital bliss then go to bed again to sleep. Figured that there's no reason that sex is the last thing one does on a week night.

Lottapianos Mon 01-Oct-12 17:01:59

I'm more of a night person and DP is more of an early evening person, so maybe we need to schedule some after work stress relief for both of us!

tzella Mon 01-Oct-12 17:03:30

Mid-evening? Uhm... between 7.21pm and 10.57pm?

Daisym0use Mon 01-Oct-12 17:07:06

lol Apocolypto, that reminds of when my mum popped round and thought she's make herself useful and fold my washing up that was in a basket in the kitchen. Don't think she quite new what to make of my crotchless knickers! (or how to fold them!)
There's another idea lotta, my DH loved my new underwear and couldn't resist.

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