DH and I have been having problems for along time. Essentially he felt unloved while I was in a period of great stress and bereavement. I have given him space and time for the whole of this year to try and overcome it and he has repeatedly said he does not want to be married to me.
So, I have prepared myself either for reconcilliation or a split but he has just dealt me a total curveball which seems to me far worse than either of them.
He wants us to have no married relationship, except on paper, I presume, but to live in our house and raise our two little children (4 and 2) together. I have told him I think this is completely unworkable. I know it is motiviated by his desire to be with the children and he says I will be being completely selfish if I don't agree to it.
I want our marriage to work, I don't want him to be apart from the children but this idea has me practically hyperventilating with stress. It seems appalling to me: like a prison. For us to be together, when we used to love each other so much, and now he doesn't has me in such a panic.
I have told him I think it is a recipe for a disaster and that he has to make up his mind to make the marriage work or accept the consequences. Our last words in this discussion were that I have ruined his life and he mine.
We get on fine in front of the children. We don't fight. He is making a conscious effort to be Mr Marvellous with them and to help around the house I suppose in an effort to show me it could work. But it can't. Can it? This is not 1870: I don't have to live with a man who doesn't love me or be a bitch?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I really don't know what to do about this curveball!
nureyev · 01/10/2012 12:23
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