Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Don't know what to think.(501 Posts)
Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.
On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.
Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.
As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.
Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.
My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.
I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.
I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.
Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.
1) Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?
2) Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.
3) Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.
4) Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.
5) Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?
I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.
We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.
What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.
If it was not a sexual assault, how would you qualify it if you gave a lift to a young man and whilst driving, he got out his penis and started masturbating and demanded sex with you? Then when you refused, he punched you in the face?
Irrelevant and off base??
Fuckadoodlepoopoo, you are bloody spot on . The anti men feeling by some on here disgusts me too
We've been asked to link to the Mumsnet We Believe You info - which we're always happy to do.
Good luck to the OP and her DH.
Larrygrylls, of course being naive enough to accept lifts from strangers, or give lifts to strangers does not mean that being abused for it is acceptable.
There was no sexual assault, so no need to make irrelevant, and unhelpful connections and assertions. Going off base with that.
Would you offer the same advice to a woman who was sexually assaulted? Learn from her mistakes?
No Larry, i for one wouldn't. But i did say to the OP that i hope her husband has learned his lesson about picking up pissed strangers in the middle of the night in his car. It's a valid thing to say. It was a bloody mistake!
The police should have taken it more seriously. If it were my daughter, or any woman in the same situation they too deserve the police to take it seriously, but i'd still be telling her picking up strangers in your car is a bloody silly thing to do and i hoped she'd learned that.
Well, the police only know what your dh has chosen to report.
Which actually means that you're no further forward in knowing what went on at all.
I can understand why you want to draw a line under all this and move on. I hope you can find some peace of mind and that nothing else crops up to re-ignite the doubts that you've been having.
Can you imagine if it was a bloke posting, saying his wife had given a bloke a lift home and the bloke had started to touch himself and come on to her and then hit her in the face when she refused him . . .
I am definite, 100% definite that there would not have been loads of posts saying she must be making it up, that there aren't blokes out there throwing themselves at women! "oh a looker is she?", she must be lying, bet she attacked him or is having an affair and covering her own arse.
There would have been loads of supportive messages for her, sympathising and saying how the man had abused her kind and trusting nature, telling her husband off for doubting her.
Disgusting double standard. It actually makes me feel sick! Again and again and again on here the double standards are made apparent. The amount of posters who HATE men shocks me. Even when proven wrong you can't admit it, instead saying the OP must be lying, because its easier to believe that someone is lying then the idea that women can do bad things and that men can be the victim. Its no wonder that male victims of domestic violence, assault or rape rarely come forward. Why would they when there are people like you lot in the world! I actually cannot express with words how much some of the posters on this thread utterly, utterly DISGUST me.
What a disgusting thread.
Would you offer the same advice to a woman who was sexually assaulted? Learn from her mistakes?
Perhaps he spent 2 days kicking himself for getting into that situation. It's a daft scenario. Most would assess a girl better, check her story out before randomly giving a lift, tell others before what's going on if still go the urge to be a Samaritan.
Lets hope he learns from this and does not allow himself to be in situations that could be misconstrued in future with a member of the opposite sex, on his own, on a dark night, going out of his way. See how things can develop?
Oh hurrah for you Cherry I'm so pleased you got some reassurance today and can put the doubts out of your mind. Your poor husband has gone though a horrible experience that has been terribly upsetting for you both; at least now you can support each other in putting it behind you both.
With regards to anyone replying, giving opinions or making judgements; I hope I reviewed the facts provided with an open mind and gave an objective opinion, based on the information given. I also have my reasons for coming to my conclusions <science face>
To me, thats what I hope mnetters would do should I ask for help and support
fuckadoodlepoopoo I don't normally do this but brace yourself
munch on that
Aye, hide the thread OP
See you on the next one
Actually Lola perhaps you could answer some questions.
Do you think only really beautiful women get blokes coming on to them? Doesn't that mean the rest of us would never ever get laid?
Do you believe that only women who get attacked or sexual harassed are the most beautiful? Does that mean they deserve it? So no average looking person ever has some one try it on with them, or gets sexually harassed at work, or gets raped or attacked?
Do you believe that men can't get attacked?
Do you know where to find the info on the We Believe You campaign?
Just got home and i've come to see how it all went!
On a support thread there must be total belief in the OP or it's a pointless exercise. Fine to say you don't believe what an OP is being told - but we must believe Cherry herself, if we are going to contribute to the thread, otherwise it makes a mockery of MN and us all.
I'm very glad you have your answer about the police Cherry. I think your DH must have learned a lesson this week about picking up dodgy women in distress! Tell him to leave that to the police in the future.
The bruise may be from something else.
Cherry...this is all a crock of shit really isn't it. I wonder why he felt to create siuch an extreme story though?
Then to stay at a wedding he had left till 3.00am?
Something happened but I doubt very much there was a nympho girl lusting madly after him.
He must be some looker if you don't mind me saying.
Does he frequently give lifts to girls...who have no money...that old story
truly incredible - alls well that ends well and all that
I'm really pleased you got the answers you were looking for and can let this go now.
Have a good weekend, without the worry
So glad it turned out to be a misunderstanding op. I didn't understand the cctv thing but thought there could well be another explanation for that part of this. I imagined perhaps the cctv was from a police controlled camera or something. Wouldn't have guessed that you just misheard
I do think it is disgusting how so many posters on here were keen to believe your husband was a liar, and some still are! And also how reluctant they have been to believe a man could be a victim of assault. Absolutely disgusting! So many people who can't imagine a woman could do something like that but are incredibly eager to believe a man could and did.
I feel sad that those people have caused you to question your husband and have made him feel not believed by you. How awful for any victim of a crime!
I would hope they are ashamed but i doubt its even shaken their man hating selves.
I bet you wish you'd never posted! I for one would not after this. Its a disgrace.
do you know, if that happened to me I would actually take my time telling my boyfriend. There's always the worry that a) he wouldn't believe me or b) somehow i may have encouraged it. so i can understand why it took him a while to tell you, Cherry x
cherry I am glad you are feeling better. I would have been happier if the police did officially record this ( and shocked they have not) a young girl if the story is correct clearly sounds deranged and a danger to herself and others. Hope your DH will refrain from picking up random young girls in the future and has learnt a painful lesson.
Join the discussion
Please login first.