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Don't know what to think.

(501 Posts)
CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:20:02

Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.

On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.

Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.

As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.

Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.

My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.

I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.

I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.

Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.

1) Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?

2) Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.

3) Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.

4) Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.

5) Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?

I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.

We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.

What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.

Looksgoodingravy Mon 01-Oct-12 13:38:25

On first reading this story it did sound like utter tripe. Sounded like your dh was trying to cover his tracks but reading more from you Cherry I'm know not so sure confused bit puzzled though, you say his story hasn't waivered, however he first states he went back to his friends as they needed a lift home, he's now stating that he was shaking and needed to tell someone. I'm hoping it is how he's described to you but you have reason to feel hmm about this.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 13:41:50

perfumedlife - that's exactly the point I made to him. But as magicstar pointed out, it would have been more dangerous to do that - it's all country roads with no lighting from the hotel to town.

geegee - I agree it happens more often to women, I just don't believe my husband is one of those men that would do it. If I did want to believe it surely I should run for the hills now and file for divorce?

whitecherry - he dropped her off in town, near the main clubs.

greeneyed - what would we report? An unknown woman assaulted my husband in his own car? I fear the police wouldn't be interested.

itsallinmyhead Mon 01-Oct-12 13:43:45

This is really suspicious & I really feel for you Cherrypie.

I'd be asking why my DP didn't stop the car and ask her to leave if she was pleasuring herself in the car.

Why punch him?

It's all wrong, none of this 'story' sits right.

I've tried putting myself in your position & i'm doing so have concluded if I were you, this wouldn't be where I left this.

Good luck.

handbagCrab Mon 01-Oct-12 13:45:07

Why are you fiercely protective of your marriage?

Why do you think he equated your friends trying it on with you and a random stranger randomly fingering herself in your dhs car randomly?

Can you talk to his friend about what happened?

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 13:45:56

looksgood - he had promised them lifts but told them he wanted to leave and cancelled those said lifts. After the woman was dropped off he says he was shaking and wanted to tell his friend and calm down before driving home - it's about a 5 minute drive to town from the hotel but about 45 from town to home, so I can understand him going back now, as much as it annoys me.

I think he's grounded from now on grin

perfumedlife Mon 01-Oct-12 13:50:11

Yes I agree about it being potentially dangerous for her and for him with regard to accusations but he already took those risks when he invited her into his car. My point is, what reason did he give you for not throwing her out the car at that point?

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 13:51:44

itsallinmyhead - I can't leave it here, I need to know exactly what happened. I intend to try talking to his friend but as I only know one of them it's difficult. There was another of his colleagues there who would tell me the truth as there's no love lost between either of them - I just don't know how to approach her with it. If she doesn't know about the whole thing then do I really want to tell her? She's a gossip so the rumours really would start then which would make for an uncomfortable working atmosphere for my husband.

handbag - I am so protective of our marriage because we married very young and everyone expected us to fail. dh was 18 and I was 20 when we married, we already had a daughter.

I think he was drawing comparisons to how angry he was about that and perhaps preparing me to be angry about this.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 13:53:17

Sorry perfumedlife, those were the reasons he gave me. Plus the route he took is a route we both use often so we both know how dark and spooky it is. Nothing but fields and trees.

charlearose Mon 01-Oct-12 13:53:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfumedlife Mon 01-Oct-12 13:55:36

Oh CherryPie, I see. What a nightmare for you. He took stupid risks giving a strange woman a lift, I know you had a bad experience but it wasn't a stranger.

What's your gut telling you?

edam Mon 01-Oct-12 13:57:20

Sorry, but the most likely explanation here is that your dh gave a drunk young woman a lift, tried it on (or worse) and got slapped for his pains…

greeneyed Mon 01-Oct-12 13:59:02

If a man got into your car (invited or not), started wanking, asked you to have sex with him and when you wouldn't punched you - wouldn't that be considered a serious sexual assault by the police? Surely they would respond in the same way if the perpetrator was a woman - I think they'd want to know about it, okay I'm not saying they'd catch her but if this is really what happened it should be reported. - my point however was more to gauge his reaction on suggesting it.

fertilityFTW Mon 01-Oct-12 13:59:43

I asked DH what he'd think if a male friend confided this story and he said he wouldn't believe it! He suggested that a) maybe you're not the only one who's a bit insecure and perhaps your DH was also trying to one-up himself (seeing as he brought up the men who hit on you). And b) if anyone indeed behaved like that in his car, his family car to boot, they would be unceremoniously dumped at whatever corner they happened to be passing, no matter where that was.

Obviously though, you know your DH best and I hope you find out what really happened one way or other. I wouldn't ask the gossipy lady - sounds like things would spiral rapidly out of control that way.

StillSquiffy Mon 01-Oct-12 14:00:12

Two 'new truths' would not surprise me at all:-

1) He met someone, had a mutual fumble, went back to party to try to pretend he had been there all the time and to build an alibi as to why he 'lost' a coupe of hours, and now thinks you may hear some gossip and/or find hairs/fluids,

2) He met someone, tried it on, got rebuffed, went back to party to build alibi and is now worried he may have been reported to police.

It may have happened as described, but I'd be amazed.

If it were me I'd tell him that as far as you are concerned she has clearly assaulted him, and if she was as crazy as she sounds he needs to make sure his back is covered, so absolutely imperative that he gets CCTV from car park to prove he was approached by her and that she was really drunk, etc, etc, so you and he need to go straight to venue to get the tape. Oh, and you & he should also check out for CCTV where he dropped her off, too.

I reckon that simply suggesting CCTV and checking his reaction will give you enough info to work out what's truth and what's bollocks.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 14:01:07

My gut is telling me that he simply tried to help someone. He's very much that sort, but not usually to this daft extent. It's madness to invite a stranger into your car, not something I would ever do but if I did my dh would be livid!! And if came with a story as creative as the one I've been told then I'm pretty sure I'd be divorced in record time!

tzella Mon 01-Oct-12 14:01:27

Ew, don't ask his gossipy colleague!

I guess I'd wait til later, sit down and hear the whole story again before drawing further conclusions.

Him giving her a lift in the first place, then going back to the do, not throwing her out of the car and waiting to tell you are all things that I'd be inclined to take at face value. None of that sounds bizarre compared to the meat of the story.

Life eh? Pffft.

handbagCrab Mon 01-Oct-12 14:01:47

Forgetting about the sex bit for a minute.

I'd be pissed off if my dh spent time and money ferrying round mates til 3 in the morning on a regular basis. Particularly if he'd been out all night on a jolly and I'd been at work. It's time, money and effort that is beyond that of what most people do for their mates which is being taken away from you and your family.

I'd be pissed off if my sober dh got into any kind of dialogue with a very drunk woman he had never clapped eyes on before and took her off on his own. They were at a hotel, he could have guided her to reception or gone to reception and explained what was going on and asked for help. I presume he is not monumentally stupid else you wouldn't have married him smile

I just can't see it happening how he tells it, sorry. I hope you get some proper answers.

Whitecherry Mon 01-Oct-12 14:06:08

I have just looked and to be honest cherry your DH is rather handsome! Maybe, just maybe, she fancied him...

Whitecherry Mon 01-Oct-12 14:06:39

And his knock back knocked her confidence

Viviennemary Mon 01-Oct-12 14:07:13

Don't think I would believe this story if I were you OP. And how foolish to give a lift to a young woman he did not know.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 14:07:14

Greeneyed and Stillsquiffy - That's what I will do I think. It makes perfect sense, plus the taped from the venue may provide some form of identity perhaps? It will give me some peace of mind too knowing it's reported.

Fertility - I don't blame your dh for not believing it. It's a ridiculous story. I certainly won't be asking the gossip lady. She would tell me the truth but she would also tell the world.

LadyJH Mon 01-Oct-12 14:11:56

I really think he should talk to the police. If this story is true then he needs to cover himself in case she accuses him of something. Her DNA is in his car and he has a 'defence' wound. People would have seen them leaving together.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 14:13:43

whitecherry - I had forgotten I had photo's on my profile! Haven't used MN for months and months then yesterday my niece needed advice, and today I need the advice! At least I know I can get good advice here smile

You're maybe right about her fancying him....he is super lovely wink

vivienne - you're right, it was a ridiculously foolish thing to do. But I want to believe him.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 14:15:29

LadyJH - those 2 lines that you wrote make perfect sense but also made me sick to my stomach.

Just thinking of her sat next my dh, doing that... sad

edam Mon 01-Oct-12 14:15:40

I like stillsquiffy's approach. That should help you to work out if he's desperately trying to cover his lying arse or not.

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