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Don't know what to think.

(501 Posts)
CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:20:02

Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.

On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.

Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.

As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.

Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.

My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.

I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.

I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.

Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.

1) Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?

2) Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.

3) Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.

4) Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.

5) Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?

I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.

We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.

What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.

clam Mon 01-Oct-12 12:50:20

If it looks fishy and smells fishy, it probably is fishy.

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 12:51:17

X posts about your DH ringing. It's good that he knows you need to talk more about it though OP. At least you don't have to do the 'there's something we need to talk about ...' announcement sad Hate doing that.

greeneyed Mon 01-Oct-12 12:51:41

If this is true it's one of the bizaareist things that's ever happened - I expect he offered a friend of a friend home, tried it on with her, got slapped made this up in case she tells anyone and it somehow get's back to you.

tzella Mon 01-Oct-12 12:53:41

I guess I'd mentally prepare a list of questions to ask him and have the chat he's offering.

He knows its a big (and odd) deal.

Also prepare to hear the new truth

Good luck x

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:53:56

It sounds like she was looking for a one-nighter. I would have liked my husband to advise the horny young girl that he has a wife and children, she probably would have cooled off.

Good idea about telling them his car was damaged, they might be more willing to help in that situation than "I think my husband might have cheated and I want to check your CCTV to see if a woman got in his car"

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:57:54

new truth sadsadsadsad

God I hope not, I'd absolutely fall apart.


I have a list of questions that I want to ask him. I'm inclined to believe him, I want to believe him but I agree the story is so unblievable that I'm struggling.

handbagCrab Mon 01-Oct-12 13:02:33

Reading your op I would possibly suggest

Your dh left the reception at 11.45 with this girl, offering her a lif home

He tried it on with her or worse and she hit him. He's made up a story incase she goes to the police. Or perhaps it was consensual but she found out he was married and kicked off. Maybe she threatened to tell you and he's getting in first to discredit her.

He didn't get in until 3. If he left at 11.45 that's over 3 hours. Does your dh normally spend 3 hours giving people lifts home?

If this really happened, why didn't he tell you sooner? In what he's told you he's just a lovely guy who's been attacked by a sex crazed monster. Have you suggested he goes to the police yet?

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 13:03:37

Well exactly OP. About the CCTV car thing AND the bit about it being such an odd story that it's natural to be struggling.

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 13:06:04

Handbag he went back to the reception after giving the lift and didnt get home till 3 after that. So he was back at the reception for .... 2 hours ish then OP?

Youcanringmybell Mon 01-Oct-12 13:10:57

Oh OP this is horrible. If it were my husband I would be devastated too....BUT I would like to tell you that I believe him. I think that he had no reason to tell you anything. i would believe him.

However, you would be wise to ask a few more questions. You never know and see what happens. Benefit of the doubt on this one I feel.

greeneyed Mon 01-Oct-12 13:13:48

Just another one to throw in there, wedding receptions don't normally go on that late, venues normally call time at 12 for the sake of hotel guests. It's possible he hung around in the bar with guests staying at the hotel - have you asked him what he was doing?

tzella Mon 01-Oct-12 13:14:03

Oh, Cherry sad I clasp you to my size 22 wobbly bits for a hug and put a two bottles if cava in the fridge.

Stay strong thanks

handbagCrab Mon 01-Oct-12 13:15:41

Fluffy I know but he says he went back to give other guests lifts home and that's why he didn't get in until 3.

So why did he leave and meet this girl in the car park at 11.45 if he was going to be doing lifts at 1/2/3 etc? Where was he going? Why did he leave in the first place? Does he normally stay out til 3am giving lifts to mates?

It doesn't make any logical sense at all. Which suggests its made up.

Whitecherry Mon 01-Oct-12 13:23:26

So where did he drop her off? Home? Where was it?

Also, sorry, I agree with Dahlen that was my first thought too sad

SaraBellumHertz Mon 01-Oct-12 13:26:35

Apply logic:

1. why didn't he tell you immediately?

An honest man would tell their partner immediately: It is a very unusual, not to mention shocking thing to happen. A man with nothing to hide would come straight home and tell their partner, because it's the sort of thing you don't keep secrets about.

2. Why is he telling you now?

Because he is worried someone else is going to tell you they saw him with the woman, ergo someone saw something "worth" telling.

I'm sorry OP, IMO it is clear as day that he picked up a woman either at his wedding or on leaving it and fooled around in the car. Someone saw him and the rumors have started so he is fumbling around for an "innocent" explanation.

The fact he returned to the wedding after apparently leaving should tell you all you need to know.

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 13:27:47

Yes - i see what you mean now Handbag. I missed/forgot the bit in the OP about him explaining he was so late because he took friends home the second time he left.

Oh Christ cherry it's a shit sandwich isn't it? I am sorry. And i really hope this all ends well.

I know i've already said it and others have said it but do this: sit down and write down all the conflicting/odd/unlikely details of this event and keep it in mind when asking him about it. Wondering how/if you will bring up the subject of CCTV footage (whether you have or havn't got or tried to get the co-operation of the venue on that) .... without sounding like you don't believe him AT ALL sad

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 13:28:02

Sorry, was trying (and failing) to get some housework done but sod it, I'm having a day off.

Handbag - my dh doesn't drink so he is always the designated taxi driver home, he's very good natured that way. He's often back at 2/3am for this reason. His friends live all over the place too so it's 100% believable that this is what he was doing until 3am.

Greeneyed - I think they were in the hotel bar now you've mentioned it, talking to the bride and groom. I expect there will be pictures on fb soon, I'll keep my eyes open for them.

He has just rung me again, concerned for me. I asked him why he went back to the 'do' and he said it's because he was shaking and needed to tell someone - he told his good friend. It was hid friend who pointed out that if the tables were turned and it had been him pleasuring himself in the passenger seat, he would have been arrested.

There's not much point informing the police about her as dh has no idea who she is.

I'm happy to say his story hasn't waivered at all, he has answered the few questions I have put to him without hesitation.

I have explained to him exactly how bothered I am by the whole thing, he's adamant he's done nothing wrong. I think I probably believe him, however I don't think he;s innocent.

I think he's irresponsible for letting a stranger into his car.
I think he's crazy for not kicking her out of the car sooner. I'm afraid if I was him I'd have kicked her out as soon as she dropped her knickers!
I'm angry he never mentioned me or our children (I think it was quite brave for him to admit this to me, he knows how fiercely protective I am about our marriage).

tzella - hug and cava much appreciated, thanks!!!!

magicstar1 Mon 01-Oct-12 13:29:11

I must be the odd one out...but I could well believe him.

I've seen my DH out on his motorbike and a girl with no knickers on trying to get on the back and go for a "ride". This was just as he was driving through a crowd of drunk people who'd spilled out of a pub and were on the street.
The reason I saw this is because I was driving mine behind him.

Sometimes drunk women behave totally inappropriately, and I've seen men freeze cos they're not sure what to do. If your DH had thrown her out of the car she could have been attacked in the middle of nowhere, or screamed that he tried to attack her.

It seems to me that men are always thought to be cheating bastards on here....give him a chance to talk to you please.

LizLemon007 Mon 01-Oct-12 13:31:57

I haven't read the thread so apologies, but that is a staggering work of *arse-covering fiction, and I can smell the bovine excrement from here I'm afraid..........

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 13:33:45

Whitecherry - He dropped her off at a clubbing hotspot in town. And hot footed it back.

Sara - we have a very open marriage, no secrets. I told him what my friends did because it was eating my insides! I expect he felt the same.

He had promised to give his good friend a lift back home (I know this for a fact) but he cancelled as he wanted to leave and left at 11:45. This is the part that gets me angry.

After all this happened he returned and carried out the lifs as prmised to save his friends the taxi fare.

Shit sandwich indeed sad

greeneyed Mon 01-Oct-12 13:34:43

How does he feel about reporting the incident? she did assault him - why not suggest it and say you'd feel happier if he did, God I imagine if it happened to you he;d be marching you down the police station to report it there and then. His reaction to the suggestion may be telling. I hope this ends well for you OP.

geegee888 Mon 01-Oct-12 13:35:12

*Geegee, I don't know whether you intended it but your post was a little sarcastic sounding. I have no-one else to talk to, it isn't something I'd like to pour out to my family and I have no close friends that I would bother with it.

I'm looking for genuine advice please*

The genuine advice is to get some common sense, and don't believe everything that you're told.

My mistake in that I thought you said in your OP this was the third time it happened to him. In actual fact, the two incidents were men forcing themselves on you. It happens. Mainly to women. I'm also concerned because men are more likely to throw themselves on very vulnerable women who they think won't perhaps stand up to them. Do you see the link?

I think your DH is totally having you on, and I can't believe that you are falling for it.

Whitecherry Mon 01-Oct-12 13:36:45

He doesn't know her.... But where did he drop her off?

perfumedlife Mon 01-Oct-12 13:37:00

I'd be more concerned that he didn't open the door and eject her the moment she started touching herself. What in god's name made him carry on driving her?

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 13:37:06

MagicStar - I fully intend to give him a chance, don't worry. I don't think he's the cheating kind. I don't want to believe that he is. I just love him so much, this story is messing with my head.

Please ignore the part on my pp about the part making me angry - I should poof read!

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