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Don't know what to think.

(501 Posts)
CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:20:02

Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.

On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.

Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.

As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.

Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.

My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.

I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.

I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.

Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.

1) Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?

2) Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.

3) Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.

4) Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.

5) Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?

I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.

We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.

What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:02:45

The wince was saturday too, before I knew anything!

tzella Mon 01-Oct-12 12:04:15

I think I'd prefer my DP (I haven't got a DP grin) gave a woman a lift late at night than not tbh. I'd hope he was minded to 'chivalry'.

But only if he's not under suspicion otherwise hmm

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 12:06:55

My line of thinking over the cheek bruise thing was this:

If he was up to no good, and something happened to get him a bruise on the cheek he would have to concoct a story to cover it if/when it came out, the bruise i mean, as you would see it.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:07:04

To a point I do agree with you tzella, but she was invited to someone else's reception so obviously had friends or family in there that could help.

TeeBee Mon 01-Oct-12 12:08:58

I would be inclined to remain utterly calm with him but I would be furiously doing some detective work. Where did he say the girl went to the wedding reception? Can you phone and check there was a wedding reception there? Why don't you trust his friends to tell you the truth?

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:09:02

Yes I can see where you're coming from Fluffy, but there's nothing to see so I would never have known if he didn't tell me. Well, apart from the wince of course, for which he offered no explanation. Starting to think I imagined it tbh.

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 12:09:11

I think she was a tom. I think that much is certain. On the look out for custom outside a function.

Still on the fence about the rest of the story sad

tzella Mon 01-Oct-12 12:13:53

I think she was massively pissed/high as a kite grin

I'd be confused about whether id rather this young woman was a sexually incontinent total weirdo than my DP would make up such a bizarre tale, which doesn't exactly make me feel good about myself sad

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:14:00

TeeBee - I'm not very close to his friend if I'm honest. He's a good lad but I only know him through dh, they work together. I have no reason to believe he wouldn't tell me the truth but if there was something to hide I think he'd side with dh. Gut feeling that's all.

It isn't unusual for there to be more than one event on at any one time at this venue as it's massive. And posh and v.expensive.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:17:08

Rock and a hard place. sad

I'm trying to stay calm about it all but it all just makes me so emotional.

I could email the venue to see if there was a multiple 'do' on that night. Even if they say yes I'm no further forward.

If they say no then I know my dh is lying to me sadsad

DrinkFeckArseGirls Mon 01-Oct-12 12:23:10

Well, clearly there's something off. Either it's the way he told you or when or the 'believability' if the whole story that got your back up. If trying to imagine what my last BF would've do e in such situation if it were real. I think he'd do it straight away, he'd be pissed off and incredulous. He would not be questioning whether yo tell me or not. hmm really not sure about this one and clearly neither are you.

Dahlen Mon 01-Oct-12 12:25:44


I really am loathe to suggest this as it's going to make you feel 10x worse (sorry) but the first thought that sprang to my mind is that he worries he is going to be accused of rape and is trying to get his story out there first. Otherwise I just cannot see the point in telling you.

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 12:28:44

Well - if you checked up about the other wedding reception and there wasn't one that would just mean the girl was lying though.

I can well imagine a prostitute would single out a bloke leaving a posh do alone for the 'lift home' story.

TeeBee Mon 01-Oct-12 12:30:15

I would be inclined to call them to be honest. If they say they did have more than one reception then ask whether they have CCTV on their car park as your husband was assaulted that night and you may need the evidence. I would then calmly explain to him that you have called them and ask for CCTV footage and gauge his reaction.

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 12:31:37

Sorry if you've said already, but are you surprised he gave her the lift? Some men would, some wouldn't. No rights or wrongs about that. Just wondering.

I recon my DH would be more inclined to help a woman get a cab in that situation. Even if it meant giving her the money. Not let her in the car.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 01-Oct-12 12:31:38

OK... here's another one. He really did give someone a lift, tried it on and got a slap. Returned to the party rather than come straight home so that the red mark on his face has chance to go away. Spend a couple of days getting his story straight. Being a man of limited imagination he mingles the truth with the last porn movie he saw.....

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 12:32:40

That's a really good idea TeeBee.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:33:24

So can I fluffy. And it could be either of them that was lying I suppose. It could have been a girl from the same reception, but dh didn't know her? I imagine it would have been quite busy with lots of booze flowing.

Not sure who mentioned it but this girl was apparently steaming drunk - I can't believe I forgot to mention that.

Dahlen, if he was going to be accused of rape then surely he would have a more urgent reason to tell me immediately?

Drink - not sure about it all. Too many holes in the story.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:37:48

Sorry, x-post with all of you!

TeeBee - It's a possibility, would they even tell me though? And if they did would they let me see the CCTV?

Again, something else that's crossed my mind Cogito. I can see me never getting to the bottom of this.

Fluffy - He would want to help, but I wouldn't have expected him to actually give her a lift in his car. I actually said that to him, why not just call her a taxi and pay for it.

Actually that's just raised another question.

She said she was going 'uptown' with her friends. If she had no money, how cold she possibly have been?

TeeBee Mon 01-Oct-12 12:42:19

I think it's worth a try. Just ask whether they have it - chances are they will if its a big venue. If they don't, they don't but you don't have to tell do that. His response to you saying you are getting it will tell you a lot.

geegee888 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:45:50

If you believe that, you'll believe anything. Seriously, OP, you really do not believe his pathetic lies, do you?

That poor man, with women regularly throwing themselves at him. He must be a total adonis. Young girls finding him so irresistable that they start having sex with themselves in his car (you would think what with his being irresistable to women he would known not to give her a lift) and pleading with him to pleasure them. The poor brave soldier, struggling through the wedding after this shock.

This is really laughable OP. Either its real and hes scared you'll find out and is preparing you, or hes very sad and looking for attention by making up stories.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:45:59

dh has just called, he knows I'm bothered by the whole thing. I told him we need to talk later and he said now he feels like he's done something wrong. I don't want to make him feel like that, I just want to understand the whole thing.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:47:03

This isn't a regular thing GeeGee, nor was it stated that it was.

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 12:47:48

OK ..... If the story is true exactly as your DH has told it - then she was probably lying about the going to town, possibly lying about attending a function there (the same one as your DH or any other) and was looking for 'work' or, seeing she was drunk, more likely a one night stand and a lift home.

In this case it's going to be hard for you, or HIM to get evidence of his innocence as she'll just be there on CCTV getting into his car in the car park, surely.

If his story is a bunch of lies then you may just find the first hole with the CCTV footage. You could ask if his car was on film at any point? Perhaps calmly say someone damaged it that night and your looking into how and when?

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:49:53

Geegee, I don't know whether you intended it but your post was a little sarcastic sounding. I have no-one else to talk to, it isn't something I'd like to pour out to my family and I have no close friends that I would bother with it.

I'm looking for genuine advice please.

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