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Don't know what to think.

(501 Posts)
CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:20:02

Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.

On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.

Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.

As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.

Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.

My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.

I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.

I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.

Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.

1) Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?

2) Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.

3) Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.

4) Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.

5) Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?

I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.

We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.

What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.

DragonMamma Mon 01-Oct-12 11:31:56

Sorry but it all sounds remarkably far fetched to me.

Your scenarios aren't really comparable - I would imagine we've all had times where somebody inappropriate has tried to kiss us or similar. I've never heard of a random woman getting in a car, playing with herself then punching a guy for not having sex with her.

There's definitely more to it than what he's telling you - I'd bet he's been punch because he's tried it on.

Something happened on Saturday for him be prompted in to a half confession - stinks of him trying to get the first blow in, if I'm honest. I'd brace yourself because this doesn't happen to normal people, only in dodgy porno's.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:33:30

I should add that the incidents that happened with my so called friends were 4 years ago but they were brought into the conversation last night by my dh.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 01-Oct-12 11:35:07

It's a very strange story which could explain the delay in telling you. If he'd picked someone up for a quickie, why would he go to the trouble of making up such a bizarre tale? Why say anything at all? She may not have been a guest at a party but a hooker looking for customers. Is your DH the naive type? This occasion aside, do you have any other reasons to suppose your DH is lying?

TeeBee Mon 01-Oct-12 11:35:57

Hmmm, it makes no sense to me that he went back to the wedding when he had already left. Also, I'm gathering he knows your previous bad experience and knows that you are more likely to give him some slack in that regard. I would be inclined to think that he is worried someone spotted him with this girl in his car and he has needed since Friday to concoct his little story. I hope I am wrong...but I bet I'm not. Sorry OP.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:37:12

It wasn't Saturday, it was just last night so it's still quite fresh in my mind.
I struggled to sleep last night, everytime I closed my eyes I had images of her with her high heels on my husbands dash board.

I doesn't quite feel like it's real. It's almost as if it's happened to someone else.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 01-Oct-12 11:38:10

It doesn't sound especially real... more like the plot of some rather seedy movie. hmm

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:44:43

No cogito, I have no other reason to believe he would do this. He's very savvy about everything and he is the very helpful kind. But usually only helps his friends/family.
The reception was at a huge venue, there are often multiple functions on at once.

TeeBee Yes he does know about my previous experiences, he hit the roof. I had left my phone in his car and I had received a totally explicitly inapropriate text from the man who tried to kiss me in the car. He turned up at my work totally furious, understandably. I truly believed I had cheated, all I did was give him a lift home from the pub where a few of us (we're all colleagues which makes it even more complicated) were having an after work drink.

The thought that it's taken him this long to think up the tale has crossed my mind but it isn't something I would think he'd do. I trust him completely, well, before this I did.

TeeBee Mon 01-Oct-12 11:45:03

Are there any 'witnesses' at the wedding who would be able to confirm or dispute whether he returned?

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:45:20

Yes cogito, that's what I thought. Like some low budget porn film.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:46:29

Yes TeeBee there are, I know one of his friends, am friends with them on fb etc. My worry is even if he did return, had he already done, something.

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 11:47:02

I was thinking that TeeBee.

OP - how do you think the convo would go if you just voiced your concerns. Tell him you've got these questions going round in your head and you need to get them out.

Would you trust his answers?

Would he be angry to be questioned?

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:47:38

Sorry on previous post it should say HE truly believed I had cheated. You probably got the gist of it but wanted to point it out. My head isn't completely with me today.

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 11:50:12

Sorry just re read your posts OP. How were the things that happened 4 years ago bought into the conversation last night? What was said?

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:50:31

Fluffy - I don't think he would be angry to be questioned, I fully intend to question him when he returns home from work. I will gauge his reaction to the questions to determine whether I trust them or not. I've got to get these questions out. I don't know whether I could trust his friends answers if I questioned him.

He kept asking me last night if I was ok, did I need to talk etc. But my head was spinning and I couldn't make sense of anything, it's only this morning that I've really thought about it.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:52:33

That's how he started the conversation Fluffy.

"You know how your friend tried to come one to you that time? Well on Friday night a girl came on to me, strongly. I didn't know whether to tell you or not or whether you would be better not knowing."

I kind of half wish he hadn't told me.

TeeBee Mon 01-Oct-12 11:54:04

You say you trust him completely but you clearly have doubts...basically because it doesn't add up. It makes no sense that he went back to the wedding when he had already left, had some girl behave like that to him and punch him in face! I know for a fact that if that happened to my husband he would come straight home to wake me up and express his utter disgust and outrage...not go back to the wedding party he had already left. It really doesn't add up at all.

tzella Mon 01-Oct-12 11:54:12

Do you want to question him further? I would. He volunteered this weird story and if its all true I don't imagine he'll mind you both trying to unravel it together. Perhaps he suspects she was on drugs (?) but feels he shouldn't really voice that suspicion etc. His reaction to another chat about this should tell you a lot especially if he dismisses the idea of a chat/brushes off your concerns If he's genuinely a nice open chap he'd be as confused about this all as you are.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 01-Oct-12 11:54:51

I think he's made the whole thing up tbh. Maybe the text message incident has been playing on his mind all this time, he wanted to get his own back, o he really did give someone a lift home and all this 'pleasuring herself on the dashboard' low-budget porn movie crap is a figment of his imagination.

tzella Mon 01-Oct-12 11:56:37

Oh, I x-posted, OP. Sorry.

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 11:58:25

Well this is a tough one Cherry. I feel for you!

It's a very bizzare story. I'm thinking perhaps if he were going to make something up he'd make it more believable!

I think this is going to come down to - you know him best. Think really hard about what you're going to say later and gauge his reactions carefully.

Personally i would have the biggest problem with why would he go back to the wedding after he had left already. Trying to put myself in your shoes, that's what would be niggling at me. I take it he hasn't mentioned why that was?

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 11:59:13

TeeBee - that's what I would have expected too!! I have always trusted him completely, it's only last nights conversation that is giving me doubts.

tzella - I definitely want to question him further, you've said what I was thinking. His reaction will tell me a lot. He really did seem genuinely confused by the whole episode.

I just can't get the thought out of my head that he gave an unknown woman a lift, that's bad enough but also to somewhere that was out of his way.

fluffyraggies Mon 01-Oct-12 12:00:06

Is his cheek bruised Cherry?

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:01:51

No fluffy, he hasn't mentioned why he went back. He is very close to his friend, I imagine he was quite shaken and wanted to calm down perhaps?

I'm really quite angry about that actually. About the whole bloody thing.
I wish I knew what girl it was - I'd rip her bloody head off!! After I'd questioned her of course to get her side of things.

CherryPie3 Mon 01-Oct-12 12:02:27

Nope, no bruise on his cheek although he did wince when I caught it by accident so I believe he did get a punch.

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