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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

what have I done?!

96 replies

OfficeNat80 · 30/09/2012 20:05

I work as an office manager in London-married, no kids. I am confident and outgoing and have a great relationship. For whatever reason a guy started talking to me on the train the other week. Wasn't about anything in particular. Told me he was a recruitment consultant and since work has been miserable of late, I gave him my card.

Anyway, he dropped me a line and suggested meeting up. Met in a pub and it was obvious he was really coming onto me. He was a bit cocky but his confidence was so attractive to be honest. I went a bit far with him but can't stop thinking about him. Feels guilty but so exciting... damn! He has sent me a few texts this weekend so know what is on his mind..

Never done anything before with anyone and know I should not but the temptation is there. Help!

OP posts:

Report

Beamur · 30/09/2012 20:07

Temptation can be resisted! Do you want to jeopardise your marriage?
If not, nip this one in the bud before you go too far.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/09/2012 20:08

As a one-off it's no big deal but if you're actively looking to repeat the experience then it's not so fair on your 'great' relationship and it will backfire at some point. Work out what's missing from your marriage and if it can be added back, or end it and move on.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 30/09/2012 20:12

In my experience you will regret the 'fun' you had (even if it's just texting etc) the moment your DH finds out and you risk losing him.

It's not worth it. Thankfully my DH forgave my stupidity (it was only words) but I now know that I would never ever want to lose him.

OfficeNat80 · 30/09/2012 20:26

I know it heart it is not a good idea. I think it is just this guy to be honest. Not that I mind at all but hubby is a simple guy. Never had anyone so seemly expert-he teases my mind and knows exactly what to say to drive me wild in anticipation. Nothing OTT given we have not even kissed!

Starting to realise how much its all about the mind. Never had this before!

OP posts:

minceorotherwise · 30/09/2012 20:31

You don't really sound like you want to be talked out of it tbh

OfficeNat80 · 30/09/2012 20:50

I honestly do. Just finding it hard given this guy is something I have never experienced before and I find it incredibly attractive.

I will probably do nothing but it may have opened my eyes a little..

OP posts:

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmm · 30/09/2012 21:27

I used to get chatted up at work all the time :) Even when i was 8 1/2 mo preg! I got given a phone number and asked out on a date i did say 'you can see that i'm PG right?' and the guy was like, you're beautiful, single, and look even more beautiful carrying a baby, i think your ex is a mug to let you go..

I kept his number for ages, i never rang or text it, it was enough to put a smile on my face just reading it, and my relationship was crap and i mean CRAP.

I never took up on any of those offers though.
Don't throw away what you've got! .. All the ego boost high and fluttery feelings? Use them to your advantage and turn them onto DH :)

If you don't feel like being talked out of it really, the above is my nice version.

The other thing you could do is think how you would feel if this was your DH asking the same question.

OfficeNat80 · 30/09/2012 21:54

Thanks, that is good to know and I really know I can't do anything. Think the fantasy is better than the reality!

Never been talked to in that way, that's all. Especially by someone so far above my league!! Guess his confidence and intelligence does it...I better resist!

He has just texted asking me to the office one eve next week to go through job options....! Gave me the butterflies but I won't reply!

OP posts:

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmm · 30/09/2012 22:14

Of course its an ego boost and the fantasy is definately better than reality.

If you feel like he's a sex god imagine him sitting on the loo having a shit.. lol

I had a crush on someone who was so nice and kind.. opposite to how DP was treating me at the time, i still have one on james purefoy now thats someone i would dump DP for

Enjoy it, roll round in the fact that someone finds you attractive, but be powerful enough to say no and remain out of his reach.
So far above my league indeed! You must be infinately better than him as he is doing all the chasing! :)

MoRaw · 30/09/2012 22:19

Do you really think this guy values you or he is looking for a quick thrill. What are you expectations? What do you expect will come out of this liaison? It's not worth it. Surely you have enough on your plate to deal with. Why add to the stress and complicate your life for what is certainly not worth the hurt and pain you will cause others and yourself?

OfficeNat80 · 30/09/2012 22:26

Thanks both! Ha ha yes, the thought of him doing a shit is a turn off! I am actually pretty confident but when a very good looking, confident guy shows interest, you pay attention whether you want to or not..

I won't do anything but I can't help but think he would be a very exciting thrill! I guess it is the thought of something new that is such a turn on. I better stop these crazy thoughts.

OP posts:

Leverette · 30/09/2012 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NorksAreMessy · 30/09/2012 22:40

Please look closer at your marriage that leaves you open to this temptation.
What is the problemoffice, what is not right with you, or with your DH, or with your life?

Apoundinatin · 30/09/2012 22:43

No no no. I had an affair for two years and I was utterly miserable. It started like this. Leave it as a fantasy xx

OfficeNat80 · 30/09/2012 22:46

Yes he does know. I have never strayed and probably won't to be honest. I text him back saying I can't meet but he just replies with a very flirty response which gets me going. I should just delete number tbh.

OP posts:

NorksAreMessy · 30/09/2012 22:50

Yes you should.
Now go and talk to your DH about something entirely unrelated and be kind

OfficeNat80 · 30/09/2012 22:51

Nothing bad with the marriage at all but think the lust of being had by another guy is appealing.

Course it is nothing more and I would never hurt anyone. This new chap just seems everything hubby is not. I guess I never thought I would remotely find such a person attractive until now.

I feel bad for fancying someone else but the fantasy is a turn on..if that makes sense?

OP posts:

Smudgerbabe · 30/09/2012 22:52

He is only after sex hun and I guarantee you're not the only one he's flirting with at the moment! Once he gets it he'll get bored and you'll be dumped and feeling crap. He knows you're married and therefore it's clear it's just a quick fling he wants (safer to get this from a married woman in his eyes - singletons may want something more!).

However it feels great to turn down a confident, (cocky) attractive guy so say you're not interested and you'll feel amazing! Especially as then he will make even more effort to tempt you! Just revel in it but don't even consider going there for a quick shag!

NorksAreMessy · 30/09/2012 22:56

Right, you have a problem with your marriage that you need to face up to

What do you mean 'everything hubby is not'. What is it you do not admire, respect appreciate in your DH that leads you to think this chancer is BETTER than the man you married and made PROMISES to?

maras2 · 30/09/2012 22:58

He just wants a shag and you should grow up and put some effort into your marriage.This relationship board is full with poor sods who've had their lives destroyed by people who think that a bit of flirting doesn't hurt.Guess what? it does.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 30/09/2012 23:08

And just think about your dh at work, with some glamourous sales rep who keeps popping in to see him, texting him, arranging to meet in the pub for a sales chat, etc etc.

It's not quite so nice when the situation is reversed. Especially if you think that your dh can do what the hell he likes with the glamourous sales rep since he dumped his cheating wife.

Mark2345 · 30/09/2012 23:09

Well she wants to shag him too, thats why she went to the pub with him.

It's your responsibility if you are married to say "No, thanks I'm married.."

Most people can deal with temptation, it's part of being an adult.

Your husband is lucky man, you meet a man on a train who wants to shag you, go out for drinks with him and you claim " This new chap just seems everything hubby is not".

"In sickness and in health till death do us" ...hmm... you're a real catch.

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OfficeNat80 · 30/09/2012 23:10

I am Aware it does hurt and I am not like that. My relationship is great but after so many years the sex, whilst good is not amazing. It is such a selfish thing I know but the fantasy of a Great fuck is playing on my mind. Especially since he sent me a rather provocative text tonight.

I won't do anything I know but the attention is such a turn on. I feel naughty but guilty..and yes, I guess he just wants sex-the image keeps going round in my mind. I better get a new hobby or something!!

OP posts:

NorksAreMessy · 30/09/2012 23:13

Nope, you better talk to your DH about the problems in your marriage. Please do this for his sake

blueshoes · 30/09/2012 23:17

What this bloke is doing is pretty sleazy chatting up women on a train and keeping up the pressure even after he knows you are married. It is a challenge for him to bed you.

You will not be the only one, the first or the last.

Remember what you are throwing away for this man, if you give in.

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