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I'm confused :\ why was he miserable

(25 Posts)
Mama4412 Sun 30-Sep-12 18:57:12

Hi guys
Well my ex fiancé got married yesterday to his ex the girl he left me and our son for, iv been told by a lot of people that he was miserable the while day :\ and that the wedding was really strange! U could cut the atmosphere with a knife! Also his new bride spend time complaining about me :\ why so u think he was so pissy and why would the new wife bitch about me at their wedding! She wasn't bitching to him she was bitching to my friend who was there as she is his dads girlfriend! Also my exes mum kicked off! Wat on earth!?!? I know people aren't lying about all this cus everyone has sed the same! I know the wedding was rushed but at least make it happy! Wat so u all think? Why would a man sit on his own with his head in his hands on qt should be an amazing day ?? He was sober aswell because they were flying out on honey mon early hours in the mornin! 90% of the guests were her family and friends! Most of his weren't invited! Do u think he may of been wondering if he made a mistake or would that be too soon? Xx

Whitecherry Sun 30-Sep-12 18:58:50

No. He was just likely to be stressed.... Weddings are like that!

NatashaBee Sun 30-Sep-12 19:02:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smeghead Sun 30-Sep-12 19:02:32

Whatever the reason, you need to disengage.

He isnt with you any more, he is married to someone else and you need to move on. It sounds like you are hoping he will realise he has made a huge mistake and come back to you. But would you really want someone who treated you like that to come back?

Just be civil for the sake of your son, and step back.

NatashaBee Sun 30-Sep-12 19:02:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoobyMurray Sun 30-Sep-12 19:06:10

he's just not that into you.

marrying someone else is a really big clue here.

dequoisagitil Sun 30-Sep-12 19:09:08

A lot of weddings don't go smoothly.

Move on, he married her.

GreenEyesAndHam Sun 30-Sep-12 19:12:57

Stress, headache, who knows? It probably wasn't for the whole wedding no matter what people have told you

In the nicest possible way, stop wondering about it- it's none of your business and you need to look forwards

Stop thinking about it. The hope is screaming through on your post.

He has gone. He is married to someone else. Let him go.

I say all that in a kind way. Im not having a go.

modifiedmum Sun 30-Sep-12 19:19:41

Why do you care? I think him marrying someone else is a huge indication that he wasn't into you.

VBisme Sun 30-Sep-12 19:21:49

Don't stress about it, it really isn't your problem. (I hope his wife wasn't bitching to your friend about you being difficult in the run up to the wedding).

DontmindifIdo Sun 30-Sep-12 19:24:03

a lot of people don't enjoy their wedding day.

It could well be he didn't enjoy the way his wedding day went, thought it should have been organised differently with a different guest list, it doesn't follow for one minute that he doesn't want to be married to her.

Xales Sun 30-Sep-12 19:29:57

It doesn't matter if he were miserable or not. He chose to marry her not to be with you.

Do yourself a favor stop talking to everyone about them, wasting your time and mental energies on the whys and reasons he has done x, y, z and forget him.

thenightsky Sun 30-Sep-12 19:38:43

He probably had a killer hangover.

Mydogsleepsonthebed Sun 30-Sep-12 19:41:01

He chose to marry someone else. Why everyone else is telling you anything about it I don't know, but they'd be unlikely to tell you he had a fantastic time and looked loved up. You need to get over him.

ErikNorseman Sun 30-Sep-12 19:56:56

He just got married

End of story.

Mama4412 Sun 30-Sep-12 20:07:26

Of course I do still love him n It would be nice if he came back! But before u judge me pls read my previous thread! Iv not once tried to come in between him and her! I was due to marry him August just gone n they only got together 5 months ago and we have a child! Who he sed he didn't want at the wedding! It's all still raw for me so pls put ur selves in my shoes wen 7 weeks ago I was supposed to be marrying him! And she has been the one givinge shit through al of it! I'm not allowed to talk to him about our son at all! Iv set up regular visits and he's let our son down on everyone single visit and hasn't seem him for 2 months! Iv never stopped him iv even tries goin to a solicitor to legally put visits in place and yet she continues bitch about me and say I'm stopping him seeing his son! Here's an example of the kind of woman she is! Our son had a really bad chest infection so I text my ex to let him know n then an hour later I get a phone an abusive fone call her saying to stay away from him and that I'm banned from talkin to him and that she wants nothin to do with our son! Thanks to all of u for tryin to be a bit kind but the others pls don't be so harsh about this I'm just asking about a situation that is still very much new for me x

Mydogsleepsonthebed Sun 30-Sep-12 20:11:15

Sweetheart can you go and get counselling? You need to get over this man - whether you have a child or not, he's chosen to be with someone else. I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but you need to find a way to deal with this for the sake of your son.

Xales Sun 30-Sep-12 20:18:12

I am sorry but that is not what type of woman she is. That is what type of man he is.

You will exhaust yourself and destroy yourself and ultimately you cannot force this man to see his child or be a father. If he wanted to be a father nothing she said or did would stop him.

All you can do is go to the CSA and make sure he pays what is deemed his fair share to support his child.

Make sure that any communication with him is written so you have evidence. If she contacts you being abusive call the police.

OneMoreGo Sun 30-Sep-12 20:27:03

What Erik said. You need to not be emotionally engaged with this. Who cares?! He is your ex. Be happy with someone else and try to stop thinking about him. You shouldn't be giving this more than 5 seconds of thought.

RoomForASmallOne Sun 30-Sep-12 20:31:10

What Xales said.

GreenEyesAndHam Sun 30-Sep-12 20:32:29

Mama I totally understand that you must be heartbroken, and they are both behaving dreadfully towards your son which must make things so much worse.

But I think what some posters mean, is that you won't gain anything by second guessing his behaviours and trying to convince yourself of things that aren't real. It's like picking a nasty scab- try to leave it alone and let it heal.

Smeghead Sun 30-Sep-12 22:20:35

Wow, 7 weeks after leaving you he is married to someone else? That takes twattery to a new level!

I do wonder whether he has been railroaded into this wedding and that he was showing some "buyers remorse" at the wedding. But if he was miserable yet still married her, that shows what a weak man he is.

If he is allowing her to abuse you, lets her bully him into not seeing his son and lets her think she has the right to ban you from contacting him (er..hello, she is his wife, not yours!) then is that really a man you want?

Really?

You are seeing the real him now, the man you thought you were marrying doesnt exist, he never did. This is the real man, someone who will abandon his son in order to keep his screaming harpy quiet. She sounds vile, utterly vile, but she isnt your problem. Contact the CSA to make sure you get what you are due to help take care of your son, and I agree that counselling would be a very good idea. You have been through a very traumatic time and it will take a while to get over that, and counselling can help.

If its any consolation, I give it a year before he is bonking someone else, but PLEASE dont let that someone else be you.

Smeghead Sun 30-Sep-12 22:22:29

Oh and the fact that they got married so quickly and her reaction to him speaking or being in touch with you shows that she knows she is on VERY shakey ground. I can almost smell the desperation from here.

I think she knows that she only has him by the skin of her teeth, she is very insecure. Take that as a compliment wink

skyebluesapphire Sun 30-Sep-12 22:34:34

I know that it is hard to let go and he is being a shit of the highest order if he is messing your son around. But if he doesnt want contact then you cannot make him. If they say that you are being difficult, then suggest mediation, where you sort it out with mediators who are neutral and unbiased. It worked wonders for me and my STBXH.

I second the counselling. I am having counselling to come to terms with my STBXH walking out on me at Easter.... If you have a Sure Start Childrens Centre near you, then approach them for help. They will run all sorts of courses and events and should also be able to offer you free counselling.

The one thing that nobody can do is switch off feelings and as many wise people have told me, time is the only thing that can do that....

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