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Would this bother you?

(22 Posts)
LolaCola1 Sun 30-Sep-12 14:58:21

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and all is generally fine with no problems.

He came out of a very long relationship last year where they had lived together for well over a decade. We got together earlier this year and have been taking it slowly.

His FB info page lists him as 'single.'

Anyway, we were chatting last night and he made reference to a friend of his he had been chatting to who was moaning about his wife. My b/f said he laughed and said ' you should try being single mate. It's great! '

So, I pulled him up on this. He was a bit puzzled and said ' Well, I am single in that I'm not married or living with a partner.' If someone asks me my marital status I always tell them about you or say I have a girlfriend or am seeing someone. So, I'm in a relationship of course but not married. This makes me single '

I was a bit put out and don't know whether i should be or not? He went on to say that if he was saying to people he was single to mislead them, then that would be an entirely different thing but he isn't, I am always mentioned. For him, it's just the play on words i suppose.

By the way, he is loyal and faithful and has often said he is not interested in anyone else and is perfectly happy.

what do you think? Am I being silly?

SirBoobAlot Sun 30-Sep-12 15:01:09

It is possibly silly but would upset me too.

SomeoneThatYouUsedToKnow Sun 30-Sep-12 15:02:11

That wouldn't bother me at all and I really don't think it is of any consequence at all. My advice would be to carry on enjoying your relationship with him and forget the semantics.

spondulix Sun 30-Sep-12 15:02:31

That would upset me. I know you're taking it slowly but has he mentioned the future at all?

susiedaisy Sun 30-Sep-12 15:03:09

I would be upset yes!

LolaCola1 Sun 30-Sep-12 15:03:14

Yes, it IS semantics. He gives me no cause for concern with other women. He is the 'faithful type' but not emotional or anything like that- hence why he views himself as ' single but has a girlfriend '

LolaCola1 Sun 30-Sep-12 15:04:07

Spon - yes, we have talked about the future. I have kids, he doesn't. We talk about a holiday we are planning in a year's time and we talk about other things too. The pace of things is of no worry to me at all.

LolaCola1 Sun 30-Sep-12 15:05:29

He said ' if I was filling in a form , the box I would tick would be single '

He was reassuring and I'd be making myself look insecure if I bought it up again.

izzyizin Sun 30-Sep-12 15:05:32

In a word, yes.

There are only 7 categories you can apply to yourself to reflect your current status for social purposes: single, engaged, married, separated, divorced, widowed, dead. Which category would you apply to yourself?

InfinityWelcomesCarefulDrivers Sun 30-Sep-12 15:06:08

different definitions of the word. I guess he's thinking of the forms you have to fill in where he'd have to tick "single" as there isn't a "dating" option

susiedaisy Sun 30-Sep-12 15:07:13

Then there's the 'in a relationship' status or had that disappeared from things such as FB?

InfinityWelcomesCarefulDrivers Sun 30-Sep-12 15:07:54

x posts sorry
I'm guessing he felt it was a compliment to you that he said being "single" (ie his life as it is now) is so great

spondulix Sun 30-Sep-12 15:08:14

The filling in forms thing is a red herring though - before I was married a lot of the time I would tick 'single' too, because the options were usually something like 'married, single, divorced'.

Anyway, that's not the point. I hope things work out for you. I think it's encouraging he's talking about the future and that he's faithful and loyal to you - he's not really seeing himself as single if that is true.

LolaCola1 Sun 30-Sep-12 15:08:47

I'm not bothered about the FB thing so much. I know it doesn't even occur to him. And he really isn't telling people he is single to mislead anyone. Like I said, he will always say he is seeing me.

LolaCola1 Sun 30-Sep-12 15:10:21

Yes, we talk about a future. however, it is ME who doesn't want to progress things, I am very happy as we are. he lives locally to me and I see him 4 times a week and this suits me due to my commitments etc. So how we get on is not an issue. he really is honest and straightforward.

I was just a bit stung by it i suppose!

LolaCola1 Sun 30-Sep-12 15:11:33

We are in touch every day too, little messages on and off throughout the day and every evening. He always calls when he goes away for work etc. So I'm not worried in that respect.

Bloody men

SirBoobAlot Sun 30-Sep-12 15:34:14

Bloody men indeed.

Think he was just a little thoughtless. DP came out with a few crackers this week that I am still stinging from, despite him clearing them up.

If you feel secure in your relationship, don't let one little conversation undermine that.

PedanticPanda Sun 30-Sep-12 15:46:26

It would bug me, he wasn't filling out an official form, he was talking to a friend about how great it was being single. Yanbu.

LolaCola1 Sun 30-Sep-12 16:46:40

Oh he wasn't talking about how great it was being single as in going out etc , he meant it in a living alone after so long in a stale relationship.

'thoughtless' sounds about right!

SorryMyLollipop Sun 30-Sep-12 16:59:37

I can see how he meant single as in having freedom from living with someone. His mate was complaining about the co-habiting aspect of being married.

Unless he has purposely made you feel insecure before, then I wouldn't worry.

PurplePidjin Sun 30-Sep-12 17:04:47

I live with my dp and am carrying his child. We have undergone no form of legal attachment, therefore i am classed as single.

Obviously, if someone asked me socially i would tell them i live with my partner. But, for legal purposes, we're both Single.

Opentooffers Sun 30-Sep-12 17:07:25

Ok, so perhaps this makes me one of the odd ones as being 'single' for quite a few years but dating on and off during that time, so I'd describe myself similarly to your b/f. Would not be offended as of same opinion as him. But I'd say its horses for courses and so how you describe yourself is individual. I doubt in your case it matters as the expectations are what counts rather than labels.

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