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DP's violent language

(10 Posts)
Pinkmoon84 Sat 29-Sep-12 08:45:10

I have a wonderful partner, I really do. But lately, I've started to find his language really offensive. Any annoying person on TV is a c* and he drops the f-bomb all over the place. Sometimes with a choice racial epithet too (I'm mixed race, and he doesn't treat anyone of a different race badly, he just seems to think its normal).

Lately he's started to say things about colleagues that.annoy him like, "oh, I wish he'd die". He makes slapping noises with his hands when he does it. I just feel that hints of violence from your partner are definitely not on.

Last night in the pub, he asked me what I wanted to drink and I said, "surprise me". He did the slappy thinby my face before going to the bar. He got a stony response from me and our friends for that. I mentioned that he seemed aggressive and he calmed it down a bit. We can all be a bit inappropriate after a few, but that was embarrassing.

The racist language we've talked about before. I actually think it suggests that he's intimidated by people of a different race to him, but don't see why as we live in a very diverse community. He still shouldn't bloody do it, and to be fair after we last discussed it he hasn't dobe it again for ages.

The violent language definitely started after a visit from his mum, who we stay away from as she is violent. She does exactly the same slapping action.and he language is also appalling. Dp commented on this at the time (about a month ago) so find it strange that he's followed suit.

I'm going to sit him down later and tell him this as it's not on. I tried last night and he gave me some sweary guff about free speech, plus we'd both had too many. I just made a joke about his poor Lang skills despite habit an English degree. He's cuddly this morning so will be receptive I hope. Just wanted your thoughts...

FancyPuffin Sat 29-Sep-12 08:49:39

God, he sounds like an utter cunt arsehole.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Sat 29-Sep-12 09:07:38

This is not a "wonderful partner" you are describing. Like hell he isn't aware you are mixed race when he makes racist slurs in front of you about others hmm. And aggressive slapping jabs towards your face? Unacceptable.

I suspect you may have chosen/remained with a man much like your mother, because you have been well trained to tolerate aggressive behaviour and violent language.

Given his sweary guff about free speech in response to you stating your discomfort, I doubt a sit down and talk will make many inroads with this man. But you have to try what you want to try.

Proudnscary Sat 29-Sep-12 09:10:09

Jesus Christ. I despair sometimes I really do.

<takes deep breaths and tries to stay calm and helpful>

How is this offensive, aggressive dickhead a great guy?

And why do you think you don't deserve more than this?

What is slappy thinby?

something2say Sat 29-Sep-12 09:12:47

Hmmm. I've been thro this with an ex, but his thing was right wing language. He hasn't changed, he is still the same and his now-wife makes remarks about him.

I'd tell him that its not on at all, ever, and that if he does it, you may walk out for that day. Sad tho and I feel for you. x But good relationships dont have things like this troubling them. (I have come to learn thro trial and error I hasten to add...!)

Pinkmoon84 Sat 29-Sep-12 09:44:58

Glad I'm not overreacting! Talk had and apology made. We'll see how things go from here.

Pinkmoon84 Sat 29-Sep-12 09:51:52

Ps you're all lovely x

tallwivglasses Sat 29-Sep-12 09:55:00

Tell him with the snappy thing he's turning into his mother. Also pull him up Every Single Time he swears or makes an offensive comment. We have a young child in the house and we're quite a sweary family but pulling one another up is curbing it.

When he's racist tell him to fuck off!

HeiferInCalf Sat 29-Sep-12 10:40:29

Is he keeping company with any one 'unsavoury' shall we say, at work also? My ex went through a phase very similar to this and it turned out that some work colleagues behaved like that and he was just being like a naughty child and emulating them. 'Monkey see, monkey do' was the phrase I used.
They way it stopped was I did treat him like any other naughty child. Every time he did do something unacceptable I'd tell him so in no uncertain terms. There would also be consequences for bad behaviour.
I do think men are just children in big bodies sometimes!

xkittyx Sat 29-Sep-12 11:02:53

Not all men at all. Just some people.

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