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Am I going out of my mind

(22 Posts)
homesick247 Fri 28-Sep-12 23:14:18

Have been separated since January, decree nici granted and just about to file for decree absolut. Since my husband left, he has not given me any money - partly because I am sympathetic to the fact the I am in the house with all the bits and he has to start again and partly, well I don't know why. The understanding is I pay for the girl, he pays for the boy. The trouble is, I am picking up the tab for EVERYTHING and he has now rung me up this evening accusing me of 'fleecing' him because an ocado shop was inadvertently charged to his credit card. This is the man who didn't even fork out for an ice cream this summer.
I just cannot get my head around the fact that he can have the audacity to accuse me of fleecing him when he has paid for nothing! Tell me he is wrong, please....

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 28-Sep-12 23:16:56

He is wrong. Contact the CSA.

Numberlock Fri 28-Sep-12 23:18:01

Do you both work?

Flojo1979 Fri 28-Sep-12 23:19:03

If u got the house that was equally his then u can't complain can u!

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly Fri 28-Sep-12 23:20:49

Emm, why the gender split of support? I think you should get some good legal advice & talk to the CSA about him contributing ongoing support for ALL his dc's

homesick247 Fri 28-Sep-12 23:20:57

The house was not both of ours, it was always mine. He didn't put anything in. Yes, we both work

Rowanhart Sat 29-Sep-12 03:10:00

Wait for decree absolut so he can't contest house then contact CSA immediately.

izzyizin Sat 29-Sep-12 04:02:46

The only thing wrong with your mind is that it's been far too soft on him.

As soon as your Absolute arrives in the post, get on to the CSA and let them fleece educate him on his requirement to pay child support for both of his dc.

Jeez, you are well rid of that twat! You'll have so much to celebrate once you are legally free of him - frame your Absolute, hang it in the loo, and throw a divorce party grin

arthriticfingers Sat 29-Sep-12 13:06:16

Get thee to a shit hot lawyer ASAP!!
and, if I can give some advice, stop the gender divide. Your EX It is just creepy

solidgoldbrass Sat 29-Sep-12 13:37:54

If the children are his, he is legally obliged to pay towards their upkeep. Set the CSA on him. Don't waste your time trying to sort out an amicable arrangement with a man who has shown himself to be an arsehole; do everything via the formal, legal route.

Numberlock Sat 29-Sep-12 16:26:30

Genuine question - if they pay for a child each, ie 50-50, how is that not fair, assuming the dad will have them at his new home half the time?

Melpomene Sat 29-Sep-12 16:56:52

I don't think she's said that the children are staying with their dad half the time; tbh it's not clear from the op where they are living.

The arrangement of dad paying for the boy and mum paying for the girl does sound potentially divisive - it's important for the children to feel each parent cares about them equally and that arrangement doesn't really promote that feeling. Plus a lot of day to day spending will involve buying things for both children in the same transaction, surely? If the ex is not paying maintenance then it strikes me it would be better to have an arrangement where he pays for set bills - such as extra curricular activities or clothes - for both children.

Numberlock Sat 29-Sep-12 17:08:35

Oh yes agreed its a strange way to split boy vs girl. I would just keep a mental tab of who pays what to make sure it's roughly equal. As for maintenance though, if the kids spend equal time with each parent, this wont arise so we can't comment unless OP tells us.

dondon33 Sat 29-Sep-12 19:15:54

You've been more than fair and he's screwing you. Time to do it properly now, contact the CSA or get some sort of legally binding agreement in place.

Teansympathy Sat 29-Sep-12 19:23:56

So sorry you having to go through this , PLEASE FOR your kids sake phone the CSA , once you got DegreeNisi, I had to go through the same route 20 years ago , and it took along time as my ex worked abroad , I never recovered financially and he had to pay for my daughter it caused untold damage, and only in the last 2 years does she have contact with him, sorry to tell you but he is being a prize SHIT , he does have to pay it is the law , good luck to you and your kids take care .

Flojo1979 Sat 29-Sep-12 22:20:38

How long were u married? Regardless of him not putting anything in to the house, if you've been married a long time and other factors like was he a SAHD?
Need more info really.
I think its quite generous that he hasnt made things difficult for u about the house.

Numberlock Sat 29-Sep-12 23:38:47

So when two parents separate it has to be the one with the penis who gets 'fleeced'.

homesick247 Sun 30-Sep-12 01:24:25

hi, sorry for not enough information. the children have never spent a night at his house, and he refuses to have them as he says it would 'facilitate my shagging' (direct quote) and that it is nothing to do with the children. no, the house is mine because it is housing association and i am the sole tenant. he got his own flat off the back of living with me here. we were together 13 years, married for 4. he earns double what i do.
what i meant by i pay for the girl and he pays for the boy, is that they go schools where there is a minor contribution element, and so i pay for dd and he pays for ds. apart from that, no bean comes my way. i do all rent, bills, food, holidays, activities, treats and everything. i think he has physically fed them out of his own wallet 3 times since january.

Darkesteyeswithflecksofgold Sun 30-Sep-12 01:36:18

Homesick another one here saying he is wrong and to contact the CSA.
Did he financially abuse you when you were together too?

izzyizin Sun 30-Sep-12 01:38:35

Has your solicitor not advised on child support, has it not been an issue that came to light/was discussed earlier in the divorce proceedings?

Numberlock Sun 30-Sep-12 09:42:22

Well now we have the full story, clearly he is wrong.

I just don't like the automatic cries of 'fleece the bastard' before people know what's what.

swallowedAfly Sun 30-Sep-12 10:27:43

we do know what's what. during their marriage he has lived in her house and never put anything towards it and now that the marriage is over he is refusing to pay toward his children's upkeep or have them at his home at any time. pretty clear picture.

you need to contact the csa with his address, name etc and the details of how they spend zero time there. they will calculate what he should be paying in child support - that hardly equates to fleecing does it?

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