I'm feeling bad about thinking this, but I don't think there is any way I'd be with DP right now if we our lives weren't so intertwined - 2 DC, one mine from prev relationship and one together. I really don't think I could start again and introduce my DD to a THIRD father-figure (her own dad left when she was about 2 never to be seen again but she says she still remembers him, then I met DP who has been her "dad" for years) and I couldn't be bothered starting again either.
So we just kind of trudge along, some times are better than others, sometimes it feels hopeless, occasionally about once every 2 months we have a huge argument where we will both say horrible things just to hurt then apologise later but they still hurt as we never speak about the bad words spoken afterwards. He is usually first to say hurtful words but also first to apologise, and I'm last to say hurtful words but last to apologise.
I am not happy - We hardly get any time together, I feel he is disrespectful and overbearing (not just to me, he embarasses me by being overbearing and immature towards others too - for example one of our neighbours left a stupid petty note to us and instead of dealing with it in an adult way he went into the communal stairway and started shouting about it in a weird passive-aggressive way designed so they would hear!! ). Although he is loyal and does do nice things for me without being asked, and does suggest family things.
He is not happy - He feels I'm not good enough at parenting (ie I don't do everything EXACTLY as his mother did) and I'm sure he resents the fact we hardly have sex although he never mentions anything about this at all he is definitely less grumpy for a couple of days after sex, and really grumpy after a couple of 'rejections'.
I would actually be more willing and prepared to leave than he is - I think he is scared of not being there full time with DS and also he has issues over his own father leaving his mum when he was 3 and doesn't want to leave his DS and feel like he is failing him. Whenever separating has been mentioned he always is the one to say "but we can't split up the family" , although he makes no effort on any major issues I have with him and remains as grumpy and difficult with everybody and anybody as ever.
He asked me the other night "do you even love me?" and that has sparked off more arguments.
We have been together a long time, so someone else would feel too strange, iyswim, we did have one period in early 2011 where we split up for 9 months but got back together and things are better then they were before then, but still not good.
What the hell to do in this situation?
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What the hell to do about this situation?!
7 replies
MrawMraw · 28/09/2012 22:46
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