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Jealousy problems with my friend

(32 Posts)
Lovewearingjeans Fri 28-Sep-12 17:33:05

I have a friend who is one of my closest. She can get quite jealous of me and my life, the latest being my parents have said they would have children for a weekend so we can go away. And she posted about this on Facebook. Her life is difficult at the moment because she has a disabled daughter, and they are trying to raise money for a build to convert their house, so I do have sympathy for that. She has also been jealous of other friends I have gone out with, and not her. I honestly don't know what to do. Apart from come off Facebook.

DystopianReality Fri 28-Sep-12 17:37:49

How about asking her whether there is anything you can do for her, so that maybe she can get out sometimes. I'm not surprised she's envious, lucky you.

Lovingfreedom Fri 28-Sep-12 17:38:19

Ignore her. She sounds petty....and enjoy your weekend away.

brass Fri 28-Sep-12 17:40:56

avoid her altogether or don't give her so much information!

mind you then you're walking on eggshells about what/what not to say.

sounds like hard work.

BollocksToKarma Fri 28-Sep-12 17:43:17

You sound like a bit of a bitch to be honest. Have you offered to help her with her DD? or do you sit there talking about the nights out you go on and the holidays you take?

All I'm saying is, try to look at things from her point of view. She's skint, disabled daughter, little support, trapped, exhausted and fed up with everything and the situation in which she can do fuck all about. She see's you for what she hopes to offload and you talk about nights out you've had and holidays to go on. I'd be jealous as well and a bit pissed off into the bargin.

You wont mean to but I wouldn't be surprised if she felt a bit shit after talking to you. We know you wont mean to, but that's how she may feel.

BollocksToKarma Fri 28-Sep-12 17:44:43

However, if she has always been like this, then you need to back off for your own sanity and let her loose a little.

RobinSparkles Fri 28-Sep-12 17:45:28

I was going to say what Dystopian said.

I feel sorry for your friend. It doesn't sound like she is able to have time away sad.

Lovewearingjeans Fri 28-Sep-12 17:51:07

We went on holiday together, we go to every fundraising event. I wish I hadn't posted on here to be called a bitch. I babysit all the time, I look after her kids she looks after mine. She is one of my closest friends. We holiday in GB every year in the last 5 years she has been to Fuerterventura and Walt Disney World. She has been away with her husband for her anniversary this year. I just find her a bit too much, and she relies on me as being her closest friend, but I need my life too surely!

thornrose Fri 28-Sep-12 17:52:34

You are allowed to share your good times, it's not fair that you should have to walk on eggshells.
I've just given this lecture to my 13 yo who gets very jealous of what her friends are doing on FB!
As an adult your friend should be mature enough to cope with you having a bit of good fortune.

EleanorHandbasket Fri 28-Sep-12 17:53:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCountessOlenska Fri 28-Sep-12 17:55:00

I never get why women claim to be close friends when they clearly dislike each other confused

Just cut them out - that's what I do!

tallwivglasses Fri 28-Sep-12 17:55:33

For a start, you weren't called a bitch. For another thing, you're drip feeding. You may have got more sympathy if you'd posted what an amazing friend you were in your first post hmm

brass Fri 28-Sep-12 17:58:07

I don't think you sound like a bitch.

I think posting on FB says more about her really. Regardless of her circumstances, it is a very passive aggressive, snidey thing to do.

Lovewearingjeans Fri 28-Sep-12 18:00:17

This started with a general post on Facebook where I said my parents would have the kids, and where should I go. My friend suggested abroad. Oh and she goes on more days out than me, I said I couldn't come on one for various reasons. I rarely go on nights out that don't involve her. I put a post for fundraising ideas on the SEN thread as we are running out of ideas ourselves. I guess I'm saying I do lots, and I should have put this in my original thread.
Words do hurt still I guess sad

thornrose Fri 28-Sep-12 18:00:18

Someone said,"You sound like a bit of a bitch", it's pedantic to pick up that she wasn't actually called a bitch. The implication is the same surely.

OneMoreGo Fri 28-Sep-12 18:03:23

Some oddly hostile responses on here. hmm You do NOT sound like a bitch. Her life is her responsibility and it is not relevant if you happen to have time away and she does not. How petty of her to rant about that on FB. However, as a separate issue she is obviously struggling so I would cut her some slack for a while and maybe change your FB settings so you only see most important posts from her. At the same time offer to help her out but if she remains petulant and jealous, there is not much you can do and you may have to move on. Some people just bring you down unintentionally sad
I personally would be delighted for a friend in your position, not pissy and self-pitying. Some people are beyond me.

Lovewearingjeans Fri 28-Sep-12 18:04:47

I didn't think it through when I was writing the first post. I could never drop her as a friend, I look at her family and think how much I always with have compared to her. I should never have said anything really, and she helped get me through my depression, so I owe her lots too. I am finishing now. Thanks for all words of support.

Pancakeflipper Fri 28-Sep-12 18:05:29

OP, you know what your friendship is like. You know if you brag, you know if you are supportive. If you feel she is running you down then you either ignore it as a bad day, you pull her up on it ( not on FB or text) or you shrug and cool the friendship.

Don't let it ruin your treat away (I am jealous though, can I borrow your parents?)

Lovewearingjeans Fri 28-Sep-12 18:12:17

Everyone keeps asking me that, they are fab.

ContinentalKat Fri 28-Sep-12 18:17:12

Of course you can jokingly say that you are jealous of xyz.
Friends, though, should be happy for you and your good luck.
If the relationship is so complicated, are you sure you really are friends?

Naysa Fri 28-Sep-12 18:19:06

"You sound like a bit of a bitch."
What the actual fuck?
No you don't, not at all.
Enjoy your holiday.
When you come back you should offer to care for your friend's daughter or if she is too much to look after alone then offer to help out with chores or something smile

perfumedlife Fri 28-Sep-12 19:02:17

Quite apart from saying you sound like a bit of a bitch, how on earth did you deduce that the friend is trapped, has little support and can't do little about it Bollocks ? Loads of assumptions made there about a stranger from the brief op. shock

Then again if you'd be pissed off and jealous too, says plenty about you and your attitude to friendship.

Op, you are right to be hacked off if you feel you need to edit your life for her approval. Take a step back.

lovechoc Fri 28-Sep-12 19:07:23

Why does life have to revolve around FB??? Just phone your friend up and have a chat would be my suggestion, rather than reading between the lines on FB...

itsaruddygame Fri 28-Sep-12 19:23:00

Jealous people get on my nerves. I don't think you are being a bitch at all.

lydiamama Fri 28-Sep-12 19:28:30

After reading your second post, your friend is not being nice to you if she is writing something nasty or upsetting about your holidays in FB. If that is the case I will take many steps back in the friendship, if she is your best friend she should be happy for you.
Have a nice time with hubby, and forget about her.

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