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Caught up in playground politics...

(32 Posts)
mashedpotatohead Fri 28-Sep-12 15:16:59

I promised myself I would run a mile from this but have found myself smack bang in the middle!

I have experienced that horrible isolation from other mums in the school playground many times. However, I've persevered & made a handful of really nice, genuine & I think long standing friends (finally).

We meet occasionally in the evenings which I usually take charge of arranging & am more than happy to. There is one mum who sometimes joins us who has a broader range of mummy friends, alot of whom don't give me the warm fuzzy feeling! Needless to say I give them a wide berth & just put it down to the fact I'm not everyones cup of tea.

Anyway, I'm arranging dinner again & invited the roaming mummy. In turn she asked if she can invite someone who she knows I've had issues with. Now I would normally think maybe she is trying to instigate building some bridges but I genuinly think she hasn't realised how much I detest this woman.

I thought I was being very assertive in saying I thought it best this other woman did not join us (we do not see eye to eye & I am often ignored by her in the playground). Although my friend was very diplomatic, I can't help feeling bad & I know I shouldn't but I do...grrrrr!

The other mums are not big fans either but I've had a mixed response back from them. A couple said good for you, stick to your guns & the others were more let's invite her if it's easier.

WWYD?

rainbowinthesky Fri 28-Sep-12 15:21:20

Shudder. Thank god I don't ever do drop offs or pick ups. The whole thing sounds awful and nasty.

mashedpotatohead Fri 28-Sep-12 15:29:11

Ditto rainbow!

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 28-Sep-12 15:33:32

I'd stick to my guns. I suspect that floating mummy is only inviting horrid mummy for moral support and so that they can gang up and diss your choice of food/friends/music/soft furnishings to the rest of their coven later!

mashedpotatohead Fri 28-Sep-12 15:42:09

Oh Cogito you do make me lol! Burn the witches at the stake I say!!!

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 28-Sep-12 16:53:27

smile I remember back when I actually was in the playground aged about 10 inviting Class Popular Girl round for tea. She hadn't given me the time of day up to that point because I was Class Clever Nerd but I had some naive idea that if I befriended her my stock would rise with the other kids. She was perfectly well behaved but, when I got to school the next day, I was mortified to discover the little cow had used her time in my home collecting embarrassing information so she could do a complete hatchet job on me with her mates. My cheeks still blush remembering the nasty laughing that accompanied... and she only has a black and white telly!!!

I share my pain to save you yours.... smile

Maria2007loveshersleep Fri 28-Sep-12 17:00:48

Sorry, but all this sounds as if you're 35 going on 8.

BardOfBarking Fri 28-Sep-12 17:06:22

Perhaps you should have said "Sorry but we're a clique, we tolerate you but your friend simply isn't welcome."

I hate playground politics and when the Mums start saying 'You can't play' what hope for the children?

puds11 Fri 28-Sep-12 17:08:47

Don't worry cogito she probably grew up to be a twatty loser.

oldqueenie Fri 28-Sep-12 17:27:14

I think you should all grow up and behave like adults.

TootsieFrootsie Fri 28-Sep-12 17:30:31

cogito and puds11 The exact same thing happened to me. Unfortunately the girl in question is now very happy and living in the Caribbean. There's no flipping justice.

mashed I have a similar issue in that I meet up with old school friends a few times a year and this year I have invited them round to my house. (We have just moved and I wanted to show them the new house.) Anyway, they want to invite another school person who was quite mean to me for many years. I probably wouldn't mind meeting her somewhere but I don't want her in my house casting nasturtiums and generally being mean about me on facebook afterwards. I know what you mean about having someone questionable round to your house.

If it was me I would probably let the chips fall where they may. But I think you are probably right. However the eternally hopeful side of me, that wasn't squashed by school, says in my other ear that it might be alright. It might be a genuine attempt to make friends. Hmm hmm
Also if you make a big thing about it, you may cause a schism. It might be better just to have them round and then if there is bother brush it off (sad gits). (How monstrously rude to come round to someone's house for that purpose!)

It seems from your post that your friends know the score and will be wise to any bitchiness during the visit or afterwards.

theoriginalandbestrookie Fri 28-Sep-12 17:31:57

Depends what issues you have with this woman - its perfectly possible to disagree with other people on things and still include them on the dinner invite.

Also I hate this whole oh she ignored me at the playground. It's impossible to speak to all of the mums at the playground she probably is congregating towards the ones giving happy vibes rather than your cold shouldering.

To be honest it sounds like you are giving the whole thing more headspace than it actually deserves. I have taken the attitude that school mum friends are transient so it's best not to invest too heavily in them, a few of us have a quiz night once a month and whilst technically one person instigates it, I'd be somewhat surprised if I couldn't invite someone else along who I thought would enjoy it.

MMMarmite Fri 28-Sep-12 17:33:25

I guess it depends why you have issues with her. But unless she's done something awful, it seems pretty silly to exclude her. Grudges and rivalries aren't worth the time or the effort.

BollocksToKarma Fri 28-Sep-12 17:34:15

Personally, I would cancel the whole thing and NEVER get involved again.

alvinchip Fri 28-Sep-12 20:01:28

I think it depends on what the issues are - or how bad they are.

If it's just a case of she doesn't really acknowledge you - then I think it'd be ok to invite her. But if she's the type that's had a blazing row with you over something petty and you really can't abide to be in the same room as her, then I think it would be ok to say you don't feel comfortable with her and would your friend mind if she didn't come.

maras2 Fri 28-Sep-12 20:26:54

Good Christ! You invite school gate acquintances to dinner ? Brave woman.

IvanaHumpalot Fri 28-Sep-12 21:15:13

Why would the friend of 'roaming mummy' want to come to your house if she doesn't like you?

If I was the friend, I wouldn't want to spend an awkward evening in your house with your close friends. I would have made my excuses to 'roaming mummy'.

skyebluesapphire Fri 28-Sep-12 21:53:12

we have got the exact same thing going on here at the moment, where 2 "cliques" have imploded, one girl has switched sides, lol and everybody else is falling out.

I just smile sweetly at everybody and say hello and dont get involved. Most of us are 40, not 4........

But the girl who switched sides is trying to bring 2 groups together, one doesnt speak to the other, so why on earth would they want to spend time together??

So in answer to your question, NO - I dont think you should invite her as she is not your friend and you will not feel comfortable...

trickydickie Fri 28-Sep-12 22:21:05

It is your house and entirely up to you who you invite to your house. I wouldn't ask someone who had invited me to their house if I could also invite someone else. That is rude.

You are hosting the get together so entirely up to you who you invite into your house. The friend shouldn't have asked and so shouldn't be offended if you say no. Why is this friend wanting this other person to come? She must realise it is not her place to invite her.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Fri 28-Sep-12 22:36:30

nasturtiums

It's really mean to point this out but you mean aspersions. Nasturtiums are those bright orange flowers with the big round leaves that people grow in window boxes... a much nicer thing to throw around smile

akaemmafrost Fri 28-Sep-12 23:58:17

Do grown women really behave like this?

I don't have any playground chums. Everyone's scared their kids will catch ds's SN so they all keep their distance. Seems like I'm the lucky one.

whatinthewhatnow Sat 29-Sep-12 00:16:11

jesus christ. thank god I work.

whatinthewhatnow Sat 29-Sep-12 00:16:42

sorry. not suggesting you don't op, I meant so that I don't have to do pick up and drop off often.

IllageVidiot Sat 29-Sep-12 00:17:52

^ Everyone's scared their kids will catch ds's SN^ angry sad angry

Fuckers.

Sorry but I hate that and it just makes me feel so angry at the studied ignorance of it all. Any reason to exclude and no reason to reprimand for bullying because the parents think he's 'not normal' and a little bit scary, going around like it was ok to have Autism and be allowed in public.

Sorry for the tangent. And the rant. I have a fair chip on my shoulder due to DB's treatment and the fact I would fight for him like a tiger and was always tall being the only reason he wasn't bullied and assaulted by the neighbourhood children (naice children, from naice families). Anyhoo.

I think it's a bit rich saying you're being childish - one is allowed to dislike another adult and have a genuine dislike/dislike relationship. You don't have to invite them to your home. Some of the rest of it is probably a trickle down from there and so leads it to be more of a big deal. Don't let it consume your thoughts, it all blows over by the next school anyway!

IllageVidiot Sat 29-Sep-12 00:19:17

*percieved big deal.

Also loved the nasturtiums comment - great imagery! Bet that was an autocorrect.

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