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Sent a letter to my mum, what now?

(3 Posts)
Smeghead Wed 26-Sep-12 21:35:55

I sent a letter to my mum earlier. I posted it at half 3, and she rang an hour ago. I think the headache was from stress as she can bit ......prickly and defensive sometimes and I was worried that she would take it the wrong way.

I will post the letter in a sec, but my problem is that she is saying that she is fine, although she could do with talking about it all a bit more (my dad has major health issues at the moment and it is taking its toll on her, while trying to hold down her job and that means she feels guilty for asking me to help as much as she does. Total non-issue afaic, i would help in a heartbeat and dont ever feel put upon.)/. I suggested she as the GP to refer her to our local counselling centre as they do talking therapies, CBT (which I think would be good for her to give her coping strategies), and specific counselling for carers and she said she would think about it.

What if she doesnt do anything? What if I can see that she is still struggling? I know that she will tell me the truth if I ask her if she has seen the doctor, so if she says she hasnt then I was thinking of seeing her GP myself and telling him concerns so that when she goes next (she has regular checkups for an ongoing minor issue), he can talk to her. Would that be overstepping the mark? He is a lovely doctor, actually we know him socially too so I know he would be good with her about it.

Would you do that?

Smeghead Wed 26-Sep-12 21:37:49

Dear Mum,

Please forgive me for writing to you, I just felt that what I want to say would be easier to say in a letter and it will allow you time in private to digest it and think about it.

I am very worried about you and have been for a little while now. You are moved to tears so easily and look so unhappy at times and although I know how hard you are finding the whole situation with dad's health and his work, it is worrying me that perhaps it is all getting a bit too much. Its OK to say “I am struggling to cope” and ask for help. You dont have to take the world on your shoulders. I think its great that you do so much for other people, but that shouldnt be at the expense of your own wellbeing and health. Sometimes you have to say “No” and I think that this is one of those times.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that you need to think of yourself in a selfish way. I know that Dad needs your help, that you are trying to support X, Y, me, Z, the A, the B, ….....shall I go on?! But somewhere in the centre of that is you and I am very concerned that you are giving so much to others that you have nothing left for yourself. I have to admit that recently I have noticed similarities between how you are now and how you were when the situation with C and D was at it worst. You tied yourself in knots and I dont want to see you doing it again.

I have been thinking that perhaps it might worth a visit to the doctors to see if there is anything that they can do to help.

I hope that I havent upset you with this, but I really cant sit back any longer and not say anything. I am so worried that in your efforts to be strong and supportive to others, you will do terrible damage to yourself.

As I said, I really hope I havent upset you and havent overstepped the mark, because this is sent with love and concern for you.

With all my love

Bogeyface xx

CrazyCatLady13 Thu 27-Sep-12 10:04:33

Didn't want to leave you without a reply! I think that's a lovely letter and has probably meant a lot to her. You sound like a lovely person!

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