Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Think I've sabotaged relationship with DP, now he is losing interest

(8 Posts)
LesleyPumpshaft Wed 26-Sep-12 17:20:52

I am probably going to come across as a needy teenage girl, and I feel like one, only I'm in my mid 30's.

I am bipolar, so not the easiest person to live with. Although my medication prevents the worst episodes, I still get some pretty intense ups and downs. Each time I have an episode I feel as though this pushes DP further away, yet the stress of knowing that DP is growing less affectionate and more distant is really stressing me out, which doesn't help my bipolar at all. sad

In fact, I'm a bit of a mess at the moment. I wake DP up at night because he is a stupidly light sleeper, and as a result I end up on the sofa as I'm smaller than him. This means that we lose out on 'intimate time'. I've also noticed that his hugs which used to be awesome are no half-arsed and that he doesn't seem bothered about sex like he used to be.

I'm probably mostly to blame. He is a lovely bloke and everyone who knows him thinks he's great. I, on the other hand, am I more of an aquired taste. I feel as though he is too good for me. He is more likeable than me, a nicer person and saner than I am!

I feel as though he is just giong through the motions, of course, this could just be me feeling a little paranoid and the bipolar could be speaking, but I'm not stupid, or that mad at the moment!

It's not as though I ever hid this condition, I was completely honest as soon as we started seeing each other.

iknowwho Wed 26-Sep-12 18:04:36

Try talking to him and ask him what you have asked here.

What is the point in asking a load of random strangers who don't know the dynamics of your relationship, what you have done, how you appear or how he thinks to comment?

Get answers from him first of all and then come back if you need help and support would be my suggestion otherwise everyone is trying to second a guess a situation that may or may not be there.

LesleyPumpshaft Wed 26-Sep-12 18:10:37

Thanks iknowwho. That sounds very sensible. I suppose I was hoping that somone would have been in a similar situation, preferably in the role of the non-bipolar person.

I'll try and get some answers and come back. Maybe not tonight as I feel rather fluey now. But hopefully soon!

iknowwho Wed 26-Sep-12 18:43:28

I have just re read my post and it comes across a bit harsh. Sorry I didn't mean that.

There could be a hundred different things going round his head and not one of them could be about you - I mean he could be worrying about work or something like that.

Pick your moment to have a chat and it could be that all's well. If not, come back and talk here again.

lemonstartree Wed 26-Sep-12 18:48:49

Bipolar disorder is not mood swings FFS.

LesleyPumpshaft Wed 26-Sep-12 21:07:17

lemonstartree, nobody said that bipolar was mood swings. confused

izzyizin Wed 26-Sep-12 22:08:01

Couples where one or both are shiftworkers, have separate beds/bedrooms, etc don't necessarily lose out on 'intimate time' merely because they don't spend 8 out of 24 hours sharing a sweaty bed smile

It may be that feeling that your dp is 'too good' for you is contributing to your insecurity around his apparent lessening of interest in sex as it may simply be that he's got other matters on his mind, or that he's settled into cosy domesticity and doesn't feel the need to be the superstud he may have been when you first met.

Whatever the outcome of any talk/chat you have with him, I hope you can find some way to disabuse yourself of the notion that you are 'less than' him; you are 2 unique individuals and neither of you is 'better' than the other.

How long have you been living together?

LesleyPumpshaft Wed 26-Sep-12 22:19:48

Thanks izzyizin. We've been living together for over 3 years.

He's a lovely bloke and I sometimes feel guilty about the fact that he's had to put up with both mental and physical health problems on my part.

When I was first diagnosed I was having an episode of psychotic depression and I qwas also very poorly with a kidney problem. I'm stable these days, but I still have my moments from time to time. He said that he wouldn't be here if he didn't love me. Maybe you are right and my own insecurities are to blame.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now