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Kinky sex embarrassment. Help!

(92 Posts)
Embarrassednamechangereg Wed 26-Sep-12 13:05:00

God this is embarrassing, but I can't really talk it through with anyone in rl so you lot will have to put up with me for now!

Basically I'm happily married and DH and I have regular (good) sex.
I even manage to orgasm durin penetration. I used to only manage the big O through for play so it's fair to say that my DH is good in the sack.

The thing is, I have a kinky fantasy that I always think about in order to orgasm.
I've tried not to and just concentrate on my (gorgeous) DH but I just can't 'get there' without it.

I feel too embarrassed to tell DH how much I think about it (I have let on a bit but always back-track and make a joke).

I feel like I'm wrong to be thinking about my fantasy whils being intimate with DH and worried he will think I'm a weirdo if I confess about it.

I would really like to try out my fantasy and I do feel a bit unfulfilled sexually.

Anyone had any experience or advise?

redadmiralsinthegarden Wed 26-Sep-12 13:09:01

I'm sure everyone fantastises during sex, it's totally normal. and i would imagine that your fantasy is no more 'kinky' than anyone else's. (unless it involves socks and kettles, I supposehmm.
why not open a conversation by asking DH about HIS fantasises (if you want to know) and then see if you feel able to, er, 'open up' to him...

PillarBoxRedRoses Wed 26-Sep-12 13:17:59

Why don't you have an open discussion about things you might like to try.

Suggest a few things you might like to do/might be fun casually (him do the same), one of which is THE fantasy. Then you can see how he reacts to it, without admitting how important it is to you.

And - I think it is quite normal. I have a number of things that I HAVE to think of to get me there.

Embarrassednamechangereg Wed 26-Sep-12 13:19:36

Thanks redadmiralsinthegarden,

I have asked him about his fantasys and he says he doesn't really have any.
I also asked him what he thought about towards the end and he just said 'you' (meaning me, not you I hope!)

If he had something he liked, well other than the normal stockings, tarty outfits ect I wouldn't feel like a depraved sex pest.

MumsGoToReykjavik Wed 26-Sep-12 13:22:01

Maybe you should share the fantasy with us, y'know, to ease you in like grin

Embarrassednamechangereg Wed 26-Sep-12 13:22:53

Ohh thats an idea PillarBoxRedRoses

I might help me feel less blush

Embarrassednamechangereg Wed 26-Sep-12 13:23:51

You go first MumsGoToReykjavik grin

MumsGoToReykjavik Wed 26-Sep-12 13:25:26

Haha blush

Numberlock Wed 26-Sep-12 13:28:15

Without knowing what you're fantasising about, I can't comment.

Can you not just say? Assuming it's legal (and doesn't involve Louis Walsh), I can't imagine it's anything that would shock us.

I do feel a bit unfulfilled sexually

How about taking the lead and surprising him one night. A few flirty texts throughout the day, kids away for the night, some new bedroom wear, seduce him... it could open things up for trying lots of new things for both of you, perhaps ultimately leading to your fantasy.

PillarBoxRedRoses Wed 26-Sep-12 13:29:58

Otherwise, there is a board game called 'Fetish!'. If by any chance your particular kink is on there that would be a safe (and fun) way to try it out.

Who will be the first to admit their own on a public (if anonymous) forum? wink

RnB Wed 26-Sep-12 13:33:07

PMSL at 'Louis Walsh'

Come on OP you've got to tell us what it is!

Embarrassednamechangereg Wed 26-Sep-12 13:34:11

It's legal ant certainly not gross like Louis Walsh, dragon butter or munting <shudder>

It's just a big bit un-feminist and not really like 'me'.

It's in the bdsm genera.

fridakahlo Wed 26-Sep-12 13:35:41

If you do a search on my username you can find all sorts that I have done, I'm not recounting them again.
So op, tell us all about it?
<Adjusts glasses and poises pen above clipboard>

GOLDdebka Wed 26-Sep-12 13:37:19

G'wan, tell, you've NCed.

(Does this make me a Goader?)

Numberlock Wed 26-Sep-12 13:42:50

So op, tell us all about it?
<Adjusts glasses and poises pen above clipboard>

<Wonders to self> I hope frida isn't so well-trained at psychology that she has worked out that me mentioning Louis Walsh was just to put everyone off the scent and thinking of him is my kinky fantasy and in fact the only way I can achieve orgasm...

<Wonders again> Did I just think the above or post it on MN...?

Conflugenglugen Wed 26-Sep-12 13:42:54

I'd tell him. In the throes of the act. It might be liberating for you both. I have an idea of what it might be about generally. No man I've ever shared this kind of fantasy with has ever been put off. Some have absolutely got off on it.

Embarrassednamechangereg Wed 26-Sep-12 13:44:26

Not sure it would really help to let you nosey bunch lot the exact nature of my sorted mind.

I am expecting a bunch of weirdos to rock up soon as they normaly do on sex threads.
There must be some kind of online klaxon!

allchangeplease Wed 26-Sep-12 13:45:22

sounds like it involves waterworks from him or similar?

fridakahlo Wed 26-Sep-12 13:45:48

To tell the truth, Number, I do not have a clue who Louis Walsh is.
<goes off to google>

allchangeplease Wed 26-Sep-12 13:47:05

of course if it involves other men, he may well not be thrilled though.

Frida, mind yer eyes!

Embarrassednamechangereg Wed 26-Sep-12 13:47:58

Conflugenglugen that's quite a good idea.
I could get him to agree to anything whilst 'at it'

It's just I want him to do stuff to me and my fantasy only works if he's into it.

allchangeplease Wed 26-Sep-12 13:48:32

Louis Walsh is an X factor judge grin - he's Irish and sweet, and gay I'm sure. Some women fancied him on the programme, but this was filmed as it's so rare grin!

Malificence Wed 26-Sep-12 13:49:58

If you're not going to tell us so we can point and
laugh , what is the point of the thread?

So what if you're a feminist and your fantasy is supposedly anti-feminist, you're not the first woman (or man) to have submissive sexual wants, if you are in an equal and mutually respectful relationship, what's the issue?
If you fancy a bit of power play, tell him, it's only fun, if you can't have fun during sex, when can you?

Embarrassednamechangereg Wed 26-Sep-12 13:50:15

No water works!

I'm thinking more along the lines of 50 shades.

But with a non abusive bloke

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