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Scared of him seeing my house

(16 Posts)
PooeyBumHairs Tue 25-Sep-12 20:19:59

Been seeing someone for a while now. I've been to his house quite a lot but whilst he's seen the outside of mine, he's never been in.

He lives in a big, detached 4 bedroomed house with huge immaculate garden, conservatory, patio doors, walk in fireplace - beautiful house.

I live in a tiny 3 bed ex-council house. I wasn't planning to live here long so it's had little done to it since I moved in.

I'm dreading him seeing it. I'm scared it will put him off sad We're going out tomorrow with my children and I'm considering asking him back for a coffee - just get it out of the way but I'm so scared he'll run a mile when he see's where I live sad

ScooseIsLoose Tue 25-Sep-12 20:21:39

Why would he? Don't be silly he is going out with you not your house!

tribpot Tue 25-Sep-12 20:24:57

If he does - you know he wasn't right for you. Bet you he won't bat an eyelid.

MotherOfNations Tue 25-Sep-12 20:25:41

There's an old Glasgow saying. "You're not looking at the mantle-piece when you're poking the fire". I had all the same worries when I met my man but he wasn't caring one bit. He already had the prize.

SorryMyLollipop Tue 25-Sep-12 20:27:09

If he judges you badly based on where you live then you are seriously better off without him!!

My DP has a much smaller house, in a much rougher area (and it's very messy too) but it's just his house, it's not him. I couldn't give a fiddle if he lived in a puddle, he is lovely.

startlife Tue 25-Sep-12 20:52:56

Be brave, he will not judge you - why should he. Do you judge people on how much cash or property they have?

Honestly if he's Mr Right it will not bother him at all.

Do it and tell us how it went.

deleted203 Tue 25-Sep-12 21:08:54

I believe it best to set your standards very low with a new man, basically. grin. Then you've nothing to live up to. The mistake I have made in the past is to start a new relationship and do hair/makeup/dress up nicely/tidy up/cook meals/darn socks/be saintly of nature/etc, etc.....it's always a nasty shock to them when the real you emerges! No one can keep up this level of sainthood, cleanliness and effort for ever. Far better in my view to let him see that your house is a bit messy and untidy than have to be like Anthea bloody Turner for the rest of your life. Honestly - if he's a decent sort he shouldn't judge you on your income or your living conditions. Be brave - invite him in.

hatesponge Tue 25-Sep-12 21:17:22

I think you're actually less likely to be judged for a small house than a large one. Every man who's been to my house is mystified as to why I need such a big house, why I wouldn't rather live somewhere smaller and nicer, etc. They find it or me, or both completely intimidating. I wouldn't mind but it's not like I live in some palatial manor house, just an (over) extended semi-det in surburbia!

LemonDrizzled Tue 25-Sep-12 23:22:19

SorrymyLolly I think your bloke is two timing you with me! grin

Do you get tempted to tidy his house up? I have been working my way round DPs house one room a week for the last month or so because the mess is so awful and none of his family seem to have a clue how to run a house! But I am an interfering old bag and DP is eternally in my debt and he knows it!

OP your NM likes you for who you are, not your Council Tax Band! If your house is welcoming and happy he will love it x

itsallinmyhead Tue 25-Sep-12 23:38:21

Motherofallnations, I agree with the sentiment but as a fellow Glaswegian, that's not what that particular statement means to me grin

Op, he's there to see you, not where you live. As long as it's clean, it's fit to be seen.

Good luck

MotherOfNations Tue 25-Sep-12 23:55:11

Itsallinmyhead My ex, charmer that he was used to say it all the time when I moaned about my wobbly stomach or whatever but the sentiments the same.

deleted203 Wed 26-Sep-12 00:31:45

LemonDrizzled Could you come to my house next??? I would be eternally in your debt!

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 26-Sep-12 08:57:00

As you're clearly quite materialistic, in his shoes I'd be nervous that you only want him for his 4-bed detached... hmm

LemonDrizzled Wed 26-Sep-12 09:11:45

Sowornout I would love to but you can't afford me! grin

My fantasy is to give up the day job and have a little van and drive round bringing order and peace to people's lives. In the day job I get to visit people at home and nosily check out the house and it is amazing how many people live in utter chaos!

If it's clean and the residents are happy it's a welcoming home however small

deleted203 Wed 26-Sep-12 10:32:15

Sniff...I can't afford you, it's true. But there are 7 of us in this house...all squirrelling away stuff and then leaving it lying at our backsides. My fantasy is to have somebody like 'The Life Laundry' come and sort my life out.....although I fear I would blush when they dragged all our crap out and laid it on our lawn to show us what we need to dump. Actually, I fear it wouldn't fit on our lawn......

SorryMyLollipop Thu 27-Sep-12 19:37:29

LemonDrizzled can't be the same bloke, or he would have some tidy rooms by now after all your efforts!

I am practising the mantra of loving/accepting him (and his hovel) as they are and not trying to change anything. I have offered to help him out but he is dealing with it bit by bit by himself, so I am leaving him to it.

He has cleared enough carpet space (about 4sqm) for me to take my vax over and clean some carpet for him last week.

My dream is that one day his house will be tidy enough that I will be able to shut his bedroom door and walk around his bed instead of clambering over it.

On the plus side, he is very clean and his bathroom is sparkling smile

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