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Friend or Foe? and how the fuck do i get her to back off?

(39 Posts)
toptramp Tue 25-Sep-12 19:29:28

I have this 'friend' and she seems like she's competing with me over my romantic life/ For example last year when my mum was dying I was having trouble with my then boyfriend. Said 'friend' was there for me but then took great delight in befriending horrid boyfriend on Facebook and telling me he had asked her out. 2 days before my mum had died. She also told she had flirted with another of my exes at a party.
I confronted her and told her I felt she was treading on my toes but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. In the meantime she dated a man that her friend had told her not to chase as it was her friend's ex. She chased him. Her friend fell out with her and got very angry and was vicious and turned lots of people against her. She is having ongoing problems with him which imo are self inflicted. She is so jealous of his ex (and her ex best mate) as she feels that her ex friend is prettier and better dressed than her. She calls her 'perfect'. I feel like she was competing with her through men.
Fast fowrd. I have a new man who lives abroad. Thois 'mate' has booked a holiday in the exact same town where he lives after I came back from hols in love and telling everyone as you do. We didn't even meet in his hometown so it wasn't just a recommendation.
He is coming to visit half term and there is no way I am going to introduce them . He wouldn't look twice at her but she would do her flirty thing. I just don't like teh way she seems 'on it' with every man I have. She has no boundaries. If any other mate booked a holiday in his town I wouldn't bat an eyelid but because of her track history with going for mate's men I feel abit suspicious. Plus it smacks of taking the copying thing a bit too far.

toptramp Tue 25-Sep-12 19:30:49

It's worth pointing out that she booked the holiday AFTER I told her about him.

Thingiebob Tue 25-Sep-12 19:34:21

She sounds slightly unhinged in this area. I would drop her to be honest!

maristella Tue 25-Sep-12 19:41:20

What does your instinct tell you?

Foe without a doubt!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee Tue 25-Sep-12 19:52:29

Tel her he has recently moved to ,oh I don't know Tasminia l

toptramp Tue 25-Sep-12 19:54:37

My instinct tells me she's a foe. Should I talk to her about iyt or just drop her like a hot rock?

HellonHeels Tue 25-Sep-12 19:58:46

Oh god just dump her she's horrible! While your mum was dying she was friending your boyfriend and then took pleasure in telling you he had asked her out? That is vile behaviour. Sorry it happened to you.

OrangeImperialGoldBlether Tue 25-Sep-12 20:03:12

Dump her and tell her why you're dumping her. Don't just let things slide.

What she did to you when your poor mum died was enough for you to never speak to her again.

toptramp Tue 25-Sep-12 20:05:11

I just feel like phoning her up and telling her what I think of her as I am so mad with her. As far as she is concerned we are still mates. Shall I bother? If I see her in the street what shall I do? Shall I tell her that I no longer trust her and that I don't want her coming near me or my man. Trouble is when her ex friend told her to back off she didn't stop at all; it made her more competetive. I just want to give her a piece of my mind.

toptramp Tue 25-Sep-12 20:13:23

To be fair she did wait until horrid boyfriend had dumped me before befriending him on Facebook and he did ask her to be friends but she played into his hands rather than sticking up for me. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

izzyizin Tue 25-Sep-12 20:17:17

Give her a piece of your mind in writing - and don't send it.

When you next see her out and about, go with coffee's suggestion and tell her that as your bf has accepted a job in - name a town 50 miles or so away from yours - you'll be spending a lot of time with him.

Needless to say, cross her off your Christmas card list and don't introduce her to this or any other boyfriend you may have.

AlmostAGoldHipster Tue 25-Sep-12 20:29:45

Ignore her. Then ignore her some more. Repeat until she's got the message.

QuintessentialShadows Tue 25-Sep-12 20:33:38

For goodness sake dont tell her to back off, it seems like she interprets this as an invitation. She feels all powerful.

Just cut her out of your life and stop sharing info about your life with her.

toptramp Tue 25-Sep-12 20:39:42

You are right. I will keep distant. I feel sad that yet again my judgement re friendships has been somewhat dodgy.

AlmostAGoldHipster Tue 25-Sep-12 21:05:06

You're not responsible for the wildly inappropriate actions of others. You can only control how you respond. If you don't bite, she can't wind you up.

toptramp Tue 25-Sep-12 21:24:22

True. I think she enjoys the winding up process. I shall resist falling into that trap and rise well above it.

maristella Tue 25-Sep-12 21:26:49

It seems as if she sees you as competition, and competes with you for male attention because that is how she validates herself.

Be busy, really busy. Send her on a wild goosechase if you need to. Block her on facebook, you'll soon feel liberated!

MolotovBomb Tue 25-Sep-12 21:30:54

OMG, drop her and drop her quick! She is not a friend. Life's gonna get better without her around x

MolotovBomb Tue 25-Sep-12 21:34:59

And I agree with others upthread that you need to cut her out by being busy; being unavailable to see her; not answering calls or texts (or being slow to do so); be curt when you see her - don't get into conversations. A quick 'hi! Got to dash!' works well. Phase her out of Facebook. Limit your privack settings and make her able to only see very little info. Or block her. Depends on how brave you feel x

worldcitizen Tue 25-Sep-12 21:41:48

toptramp you've posted about your worry about this particular friend and your fears already on a very similar thread a few weeks ago, what happened there?

toptramp Tue 25-Sep-12 22:07:39

Ok people; I'm going to block her. I can't find the block button on Facebook. How do I get it?

toptramp Tue 25-Sep-12 22:08:23

world. I only heard that she booked this holiday on Friday; through another friend. My instincts don't like it. It's a bit creepy.

toptramp Tue 25-Sep-12 22:18:05

Done it; phew. Now I have the awkward task of avoiding her. I feel a bit shit as far as she's concerned we are close friends but this was what pushed me over the edge. Close friends shouldn't exploit your closeness for their own ends and she does.

worldcitizen Tue 25-Sep-12 22:18:24

Is it the same one who was giving you grief before, and there has a history of trying to bag other friends's boyfriends, right?!
I remember you asking about here, as you had huge red flags going on about her.

worldcitizen Tue 25-Sep-12 22:18:50

Is it the same one who was giving you grief before, and there has a history of trying to bag other friends's boyfriends, right?!
I remember you asking about her behaviour, as you had huge red flags going on about her.

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