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Is this just the way blokes talk/text or should I read more into it?

(51 Posts)
MuckyRedSheet Tue 25-Sep-12 12:00:48

So going out with boyfriend on Friday night for a few drinks. I've just text him to say I can get an all night babysitter so I can stay over at his house if he wants me to. He replied "yeah if you want" confused he then sent a follow up text with a few kisses and that's it (it seemed like he realised the first text sounded a bit off so thought he'd better follow it up with kisses!).

So is this just the way blokes talk/text or should I read from that that he doesn't really want me to stay the night?

MuckyRedSheet Tue 25-Sep-12 12:02:33

Oh he's just sent another text saying that he sounded grumpy in the previous text. So it wasn't just me lol. Even so, should I assume he doesn't want me to stay over? I'm not bothered either way but don't want to impose myself

ItsAFuckingVase Tue 25-Sep-12 12:05:00

I wouldn't say it's how all men text no. I probably would have replied similarly if that helps!

How long have you been together?

MuckyRedSheet Tue 25-Sep-12 12:10:20

Been together a few months, he met my children at the weekend and things have been going really well. Only problem with him is that he sometimes blows hot and cold on me. Don't think he does it intentionally but it pisses me off.

He's said he sounded grumpy in the text but that's it, no apology, no explanation, still no indication of whether or not he actually wants me to stay over.

Would I sound like a diva if I replied saying "its ok, Ill go home" ?? don't want to sound like a spoilt kid but at the same time, don't want to feel like I'm pushing myself onto him.

Bilbobagginstummy Tue 25-Sep-12 12:11:52

Phone him up if you're worried. Texts are not a good medium for anything other than practicalities.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 25-Sep-12 12:13:30

He blows hot and cold

He's grumpy


Sod that OP. He's now making you feel guilty over his behaviour.

He sounds like a great catch.

GoldPedanticPanda Tue 25-Sep-12 12:14:11

DP always says 'yeah if you want', to thinks that are quite exciting. I just reply with 'well if you're not bothered then I won't then.' Which makes him change his tune.

GoldPedanticPanda Tue 25-Sep-12 12:15:10

clippedphoenix, you got all that from a text!? grin

Phone him op, texts are really easily misinterpreted.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Tue 25-Sep-12 12:15:21

Have you stayed over at his before? You must have been feeling comfortable enough / confident enough with the status of your relationship to think about getting an all-night babysitter, and then to suggest it to him, in the first place, no? And what is he like in other texts - more lovey-dovey? Matter-of-fact? etc.

It's hard to say without knowing a bit more detail, but if you were already that comfortable before the text(s), I don't think there is anything in the texts themselves to put you off or raise any red flags...

I agree though I would have wanted a bit more enthusiasm!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Tue 25-Sep-12 12:18:20

Also - it just occurred to me - does he have kids? Part of it might be that he doesn't really appreciate (as a lot of non-parents don't) how much organisation it takes and that you do have to plan things in advance. He might be thinking, why worry about this now, it's only Tuesday, not realising that you just can't be spontaneous when you have DCs in the picture!

Pagwatch Tue 25-Sep-12 12:19:36

If I got 'yeah, if you want' I would reply with 'if you are not fussed either way then I won't bother'

But then I wouldn't be texting about this and ipobably wouldn't be with a grumpy fucker who already blows hot and old just a few months into a relationship.

OTheHugeManatee Tue 25-Sep-12 12:21:34

DH sometimes says 'yeah, if you like' when he means 'I'd really like that'. It drives me nuts. I'd sort this out over the phone or face to face though, as trying to convey emotional nuances by text is like trying to do ballroom dancing when you're both wearing clown shoes.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 25-Sep-12 12:30:33

Gold - The OP stated that he blows hot and cold and that he's grumpy. Now personally I don't find those traits to be of the nice variety.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 25-Sep-12 13:00:16

For goodness' sake pick up the phone and have a proper conversation rather than trying to search for hidden meanings in one line texts. And ask the right questions that get you a definite yes/no. "I'd like to stay over, is that OK with you?" etc.

akaemmafrost Tue 25-Sep-12 13:14:36

See I would read that as "yes please! But only if you want to".

That's certainly what my ex meant because I asked when he texted something similar.

MrDobalina Tue 25-Sep-12 13:14:59

how enthusiastic can you be in a text?! confused

akaemmafrost Tue 25-Sep-12 13:16:55

grin exactly mrdobalina.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 25-Sep-12 13:35:48

In what way does he blow "hot and cold" OP?

susiedaisy Tue 25-Sep-12 13:38:24

I wouldn't be hugely impressed with his text, he could of said ' that's great I get some wine in' or is that asking too much?

Blows hot n cold and can be grumpy, hmm

littlebluechair Tue 25-Sep-12 13:41:23

I would like to hear more about 'he blows hot and cold' as this is a major twat warning IMO!

'If you want' is is a passive phrase and is extremely annoying, it may be just a turn of phrase or it may be a sign that he is a passive aggressive knobhead - hard to tell from one text!

Laquitar Tue 25-Sep-12 13:47:25

The thing is if you get a text while at work, in a shop, walking, eating, you dont stop to prepare a brilliant reply. Sometimes i just type a quick 'ok' if i'm busy.

littlebluechair Tue 25-Sep-12 13:49:42

I wouldn't just send ok to a new bf though, I'd still be trying to come over as witty and exciting which I assure you I am not

Viking1 Tue 25-Sep-12 13:53:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 25-Sep-12 13:54:01

Do you feel that you're a bit more into him than he is you?

Numberlock Tue 25-Sep-12 14:01:28

It shouldn't be this hard work should it, especially not at this stage?

Although if it's only the texting per se that's the issue (and you mean he blows hot and cold and is grumpy in texts) then I wouldn't worry. If, however, you mean he blows hot and cold and is grumpy in 'real life' as well (and some examples would be helpful) then I couldn't be bothered with it. It sounds draining for you! You're trying to analyse every nuance in his text, work out if you're welcome to stay etc etc...

As you've just introduced him to your kids, though, I presume these doubts aren't too serious?

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