i hate my body after having my second child

[Fairylea]

That's it really. And it's impacting on my marriage. I feel absolutely disgusted with my body and I don't want any physical affection yet alone sex at all.

My ds is 4 months old and I have always been fairly slim. When I was pregnant I put on some weight as is normal and expected to lose it afterwards. I lost a few pounds initially and now it is creeping up and I weigh more than I did when I was pregnant. I have a bmi of 27 which makes me overweight. I have a thyroid issues for which I am regularly monitored and I am on the right dose.

I admit it's mostly due to being at home with ds and not running round at work like I normally would. I go out walking everyday and it's not coming off so I am going to try slim fast etc.

No one has said anything to me about this. It is something coming only from me. My gran ended up being a size 28 and I am scared if I don't get a held of this now I never will.

My dh is at his wits end with me and I know he just doesn't understand why it bothers me so much but I've never ever been this big. I had to buy new clothes as nothing fits. I feel embarrassed to go out like this as I don't look like me. I always used to wear a lot of make up and now I just feel like there is no point as whatever I do I just look big.

I'm sorry I know I probably sound horribly vain and offended tons of people but until I get this sorted my life is on hold. I am not depressed about any other area of my life. Just this.

It's all consuming and I'm dreadfully unhappy.

[FaffTastic]

4 months isn't a long time but I can understand how this can be all consuming and get you down. Is your DH able to mind the kids while you go to a 45 min spinning class 2-3 times a week. Have found spinning has made a big difference to my body shape and in turn my self esteem.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

So sorry and really feel for you. You don't sound horribly vain at all. I'm not very good at being fatter than usual either.

But you need to be kind to yourself. You are not doomed to end up like your grandmother.

New baby was a decade ago for me, but don't they say, nine months to put it on, nine months to get it off? I put on half my body weight and went from a size 8-10 to a size 18. I didn't like it much. It's also bloody hard to shift and harder with baby no. 2. Your baby is only four months, I was still huge at that stage. It took me a year to get it off and the only thing that shifted the last stone was Atkins diet. It's not healthy but it worked.

Your dh needs to be kind to you too. Hope bumping this will get you some more responses.

[Redwhine]

Oh my goodness, give yourself a break! You've just had a baby! You have another child. You are busy and probably not getting much sleep. Don't even think about slim fast, that is crazy. Are you breastfeeding?

It took me longer to lose my baby weight with number two, over a year actually. It did come off eventually. You'll get more time to focus on yourself as time goes by. Your partner sounds lovely and supportive, listen to him! We can't all be Victoria bloody Beckham! X

[izzyizin]

Are you breast feeding?

It sounds to me that your irrational fears are a form of pnd which, if left untreated, may cause you to develop other disorders/conditions which may be harder to treat.

Have you spoken to your hv about your feelings? If not, I suggest you do so asap and also make an appointment with your GP to discuss your fears and seek reassurance about your weight.

Although this may not be of any solace to you, I very much doubt that your 2nd pg has caused you to physically change beyond recognition or that any stranger seeing you out and about would have cause to regard you as anything other than a fine looking young woman.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

Oops, cross posted with Faff who's given you your bump.

[ladythatlunches]

I have no advice, but I feel the same!!

My twins are 9 months old and I actually any bare to look at myself!!

I used to be a comfy size 10 and now a bursting out of 12, I feel so discusting, I hate looking at pictures and will actually cry!

It's all I think about and web have dreams about!!

I went to doctors to see if they can help and they heed feted me for some healthy living thing!!

I have tried starving - obviously never works, slimming world which did work but having to make everything from scratch became such hard work when out and having 5 children was very hard!!!

Sorry to rant just wanted you too know you are not alone.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

Oh and for what it's worth, I'm still a size 8-10 ten years later, despite putting on masses during both my pregnancies. You don't have to resign yourself to being big.

[Yama]

My second baby hit my body much harder that my first. When he was four months old I felt I looked awful. Coupled with that, the lack of freedom that comes with the second child made me feel crap in general.

It took longer, but the weight did come off and gradually I began to feel better.

When you get your strength back, I'm sure everything will seem that bit better.

[Whocansay]

I feel similarly. It took me nearly a year to lose the baby weight after each child, when my close friends seemed to be back in their size 8s in days. ( I do like my food though, so eating lots of pie may have had a lot to do with my case!)

I go running. Its far less time consuming than going to the gym. If your husband can give you half an hour here and there it can make a massive difference.

Now, if anyone can tell me how to unstretch the skin round my belly and put my boobs back where they are supposed to be, I would be very grateful...

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

And whatever you do, don't stop wearing make up. It's good for morale. Stop punishing yourself :)

[kinkyfuckery]

What are you doing to try to lose weight/change your body?

Have you a Slimming World group near you? I have lost 2 1/2 stone since June following their plan, and am the slimmest I've been since having kids.

Slim Fast and the likes will get the weight off, but if your weight is "creeping up", what you need to do is change your eating and exercise habits, and Slim Fast can't help with that.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

It sounds to me that your irrational fears are a form of pnd which, if left untreated, may cause you to develop other disorders/conditions which may be harder to treat.

Whaat? Nobody's qualified to make a diagnosis online based on a few paragraphs. Not even a doctor.

It's not an 'irrational fear' to mind being heavier than you usually are. It affects lots of women's self esteem and it's no wonder with all those trashy magazines banging on about who's lost their baby weight fastest.

But true that you should talk to your GP/health visitor about your worries and seek reassurance. Also might be worth having your TFTs done again.

[margerykemp]

Dont hate yourself.

Be kind to yourself and be healthy.

[izzyizin]

In dismissing the possibility that the OP may be suffering from pnd, it seems to me that you are making 'a diagnosis online based on a few paragraphs' Tired.

Regardless of gender/age, anyone who has concerns about their weight is best advised to visit their GP before embarking on any diet to gain or lose lbs.

[ladythatlunches]

I have a slimming world near me but just can't get out to go!!
I tried doing it from home, doing breakfast and dinner from scratch isn't s problem as I do anyway it's the lunch times I have problems I'm always on the go so I just grab!!

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

I'm not dismissing the possibility at all, izzy! Re-read my post please.

Do you actually know what a diagnosis is? There is nothing in what I said that constitutes a diagnosis.

But her feelings aren't irrational, there is nothing abnormal about them. Look at the number of new mums on this thread who feel the same. Empathy and advice are what's needed, not pathologising the feelings of someone you don't know. And there was nothing wrong with your advice.

[Fairylea]

Thank you for the replies. I feel better knowing I'm not alone.

I'm not breastfeeding.

You're right of course. The slim fast etc isoonly quick fix. I just think if I could even lose a few pounds I'd feel better. I'm sure lack of activity is mainly to blame. Dh works very long hours so I'd literally be running at half 9 at night which isn't practical. But I do get out when I can. I want to get a treadmill really.

I'm not a very social person so I don't know how a group would go ... I'm also worried they will laugh at me as I'm aware I'm not very overweight but I'd like to get back to a size 10 again... currently a tight 14... :(

Dh is being kind. Just confused.

[neverquitesure]

You are more than your appearance. However it doesn't always feel that way, so my advice is:

Option 1: stop bothering with appearance = look in mirror and see someone you hate = adopt 'invisible' body posture such as slouching = even lower self esteem = more likely to comfort eat/think 'what's the point' and less likely to feel like exercise.

Option 2: do what you can to embrace the body/appearance you have NOW = look in the mirror and see someone fun & attractive = hold head high, adopt good posture and look even better = much easier to eat/exercise like the person you want to be when you already look/feel and identify as them.

Sorry if this is a bit garbled. On phone with poorly, snotty toddler in arms! What I'm trying to say is imagine the person you want to be and start dressing, acting and thinking like them now. If you can pull it off for a couple if months it'll become a habit and much easier to stick to. Good luck.

[Purplehonesty]

I'm the same, my 2nd baby is 3 months old and I got out of the bath tonight and caught sight of myself in the mirror. Jelly belly and wobbly thighs and saggy boobs and I just feel awful.
My dh works shifts so I have decided that at least once a week when he is home in the evening I am going to go the gym and once through the week when I take ds to his nursery I am going to take dd a fast walk with the buggy for an hour so that's at least two sessions a week when I can try and burn some fat!

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

When I wanted to lose half a stone I got a juicer and a book called 'The Juice Master' by Jason Vale. It's really motivating and the recipes in it are really healthy and give you loads of energy. And the weight drops off in no time, plus your skin and hair looks great. It's a bit of a ritual making the juice and you feel like you are being good to yourself preparing it.

If you can't get out to exercise, why not try a weighted hula hoop? You can find them on eBay. They really tone up your midriff, and they are really easy to pick up and use, you don't have to get changed. And they are pretty cheap!

Have a look here:

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/ADULT-Extra-WEIGHTED-HULA-HOOP-39ins-1-4kg-3-2lb-WASPY-WAIST-Black-Yellow-/370654252395?pt=UK_Sporting_Goods_Exercise_Fitness_Fitness_Accessories_ET&hash=item564cb70d6b

I bought a couple from this seller and they were really good. There are lots of other sellers, I'm not advertising. It has to be pretty heavy though. It's uncomfortable at first but you get used to it quickly. You can start with a bigger hoop (it's easier) and then use a smaller one when you get better at it.

I promise it works. Ten minutes a day to start with. Abs of steel plus you lose that back fat that sits above your jeans that you get after you've had a baby.

Glad your husband is being kind :)

[izzyizin]

Not all slimming clubs are run by LB's Majorie Dawes and it's highly unlikely that anyone will laugh at you, honey, but there's no need to spend money on signing up to groups and buying expensive and often inconveniently cumbersome equipment such as treadmills and the like.

Eat healthily by cutting down on fats and bread. Buy a copy of the Hairy Dieters Cookbook or source recipes online - I believe there's a slimming or slimmers section on this site.

There's no end to the number of exercise/dance routines you can do at home which will burn calories and tone your body - google zumba or yoga or whatever takes your fancy. Use cans/bags of sugar as weights. Hot sex is one of the more pleasurable ways to burn calories

Consider having one day a week where you limit your intake to no more than 600 calories and eating/drinking what you want on the other 6 days - I credit a mini-fast each week with having enabled me, one of life's natural born gluttons epicures, to fit into jeans I bought many moons before dc.

If you begin now it should be possibe to painlessly drop 2 dress sizes before the festive season.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

OP: 'I feel absolutely disgusted with my body and I don't want any physical affection yet alone sex at all.'

'Advice': Hot sex is one of the more pleasurable ways to burn calories

[izzyizin]

You''re angry with me because you're on a mission to derail threads only you can empathise with and advise the OP, tired? What's new?

I'm well aware that the OP has expressed herself as currently having an aversion to sex but, nevertheless, as energetic coupling burns calories and promotes the feel good factor, I saw no harm in reminding her of this fact.

If my style offends you I would suggest skip my responses as I fully intend to continue calling it as I see it.

[Sparkles23]

Give yourself a break you will get back to your usual size but you've just had a baby, saying that I know how you feel, if I've put on weight I feel dreadful and can't bear it. And its down to how you feel inside and totally get that. I'm about 6lb heavier than I would like at mo and girl at work recommended '30 Day Shred' by Jillian Michaels and OMG it's brilliant, I'm only 6 days in but noticing a difference already. It's 20m a day so perfect if busy, it's less than a fiver from Amazon, has great reviews and i know why! Doing something like that might just give you a boost you need and some confidence back.

[Fairylea]

I am going to try some of the tips. Thanks.

As for the hot sex.... I appreciate the advice but I have gone completely off sex. Dh and I used to have sex everyday but since ds it's been about once a week. And this is mainly because I know dh is missing it. I actually feel quite asexual and could go totally without it. Or any physical affection actually. The last time dh and I had sex I was very aware of my thighs and tummy moving around and it's all I could think of. Sad but true.

Dh is very hurt as its literally like a switch has gone off... hence the posting in relationships. He just seems very disconnected from me now. He's given up trying to touch me at all. I find myself tensing up around him as I know he wants affection from me and I can't seem to want to. I do want to 'be with him but right now I don't want any physical side to our relationship. Hmmm.

I struggle between thinking I will accept that it's going to be a slow run to lose the weight and just eat less etc and then being so repulsed by myself I dont want to eat at all. I will though. I'm not going to starve myself.

I think some of it is related to feeling old. In my head thin equals young. I'm 32 and I don't want to never be slim and young again. Even if the young part is slipping away :(


I feel like I'm some sad middle aged man having a mid life crisis.