Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Did you get your spark back?

(11 Posts)
curiouscat Mon 24-Sep-12 18:01:33

I feel I'm into the 'ok, we've had the kids, what's next?' phase of my marriage and would appreciate any thoughts please. Feeling a little flat, been married 16 years, we have 3 kids.

I'm bored of the repetitiveness of family life. Love my husband but sometimes feel we've nothing new to say to eachother. I'm beginning to look enviously at my separated friends who have suddenly got slim/ found an exciting new man etc. How can I get some more fun into my marriage? I've tried talking to dh but he feels I'm criticising him and gets very defensive.

Please helpsmile

Shakey1500 Mon 24-Sep-12 18:05:35

Do you have any "you" time together? Sometimes it can help being in a new environment or doing something different together. Trying a new restaurant, seeing a show, that "type" of thing.

Do you have shared interests and/or individual hobbies? I'm sure it all sounds exciting listening to friend's dates but it's equally enviable to have a long standing marriage grin

BellaVita Mon 24-Sep-12 18:08:33

We have been married 25 years and about 18 months go started having date nights. We also went on a long weekend to NY sans kids back in June which was great.

When we go out, even if we don't have much to say, we people watch which always gives us a giggle.

Shakey1500 Mon 24-Sep-12 18:09:39

Oh I could people watch all day!

curiouscat Mon 24-Sep-12 18:59:08

Date nights sound good BellaVita, do you do it every week or how often? Were there any ground rules, eg not talking about household/kids or go places you haven't been before?
Shakey you're right about hobbies, but they're not mutual ie he likes rugby/ sport on tv and I like museums/theatre etc - he'll come with me but no fun as I know it's only to please me. I've tried suggesting we both train for a charity run or sign up for eg scuba diving, but no joy.

BellaVita Mon 24-Sep-12 19:06:37

Date nights were a couple of nights a month. No rules as such although we try and not talk about the boys. We like to go to nice wine bars in town and drink champagne or out for a nice meal. It is a lot easier now the boys are 15 and nearly 13 we do not need to organise a referee any more and can go out at the drop of a hat.

Although I am getting a new kitchen out of one of our nights grin. DH told me after a couple of drinks that he hated our kitchen floor and he would like a tiled on. I said if we were having a new floor it would mean having a new kitchen too grin. Work starts on the 8th Oct.

curiouscat Mon 24-Sep-12 19:32:02

Gosh that's a good result well donesmile

Shakey1500 Mon 24-Sep-12 19:40:56

I'm also into music/theatre (have to be really!) and I know that DH also accompanies me mainly to please me. The best I can do is book tickets for something I think he'll have a little interest in but not always possible! His hobby is fishing,I went ONCE. And I know he'd rather I wasn't there anyway muttering "What's the bloody point of catching them if you're just going to put them back hmm" grin

Anyway, when you say the "spark" has gone do you mean overall? As in, there's little conversation etc or do you mean sex?

curiouscat Mon 24-Sep-12 19:47:59

Shakey you're so right I can just picture the fishing!!

By spark I guess I mean the fun, the thrill of being with someone you adore. I think we take eachother for granted, which is a nice feeling that someone's got your back, but also you lose enthusiasm. I can see him turning into his father and I'm not ready for pipe and slippers yet, we're only 46 and 47 after all. Sex is all fine, we go through quieter phases but always pick up again. Sadly our local Ann Summers closed down a while ago but we try to mix it up a bitsmile

wednesdaygirl Mon 24-Sep-12 21:35:00

We have been married 18yrs and recently went away and booked 2 hotel rooms

We met each other in the bar and people watched and chatted then we walked back to our rooms and had long kisses at the door before going into our sep rooms then calling/texting rude things to each other and sneaking into each others room

Very childish but fun grin

wednesdaygirl Mon 24-Sep-12 21:39:37

Or just pretend he is your crush
Sex is always good when i imagine its daniel craig grin

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now