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got a date tonight and I'm getting nervous!(364 Posts)
Crispy, what you have experienced can be sublimated, but will come out and bite you. It would be good if you could make the calls as Izzy says, but at the very least, in order to look after yourself, try to arrange for counselling. You need to get this out rather than plastering on a smile and shoving the whole ugly business firmly down. Pretending that it didn't happen and that you are perfectly fine takes up so much energy, for one thing.
It is an awful thing to have in your life. I am so sorry.
If you are feeling like a whore, feeling you deserved what happened to you, believing you'll never feel clean again, and are considering self-harming when you are drunk, I will put money on these thoughts eating away at you when you're sober.
You need to heal and he needs to be stopped. PLEASE, Crispy, make the calls before you reach for the bottle again.
Nothing to add but lots of support and cyber hugs.
take care and look after y'self
Oh lord.. thanks all of you.
I'm soo sorry.. i was a bit
very drunk last night
I'm really really really fine, I promise xxx
Please believe it wasn't your fault, nothing you could have said or done would have stopped this predator's attack beforehand, it was all his doing.
Flashbacks or extreme anxiety, however this memory manifests itself, please keep posting here or ring Rape Crisis or The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90.
Hello lovely, I can't add to what others have written, I just want you to know that we're all here and that you matter.
and (meaning flowers ) for you
If I was with you today, Crispy, after a lot of hugs the heating would be whacked up, you'd be wrapped in a fluffy blanket, fed a bowl of nourishing soup, and I'd dial 0808 802 9999 and hold your hand while you speak to Rape Crisis.
Unfortunately you've got to do this by yourself but please know that you've got a virtual army of mumsnetters by your side when you make the call and I hope you'll do it today so that your nights get easier for you.
Crispy - I'm sorry that the police never got back to you, that is disgraceful
Please take Izzy's advice and contact rapecrisis, or the Samaritans. Talking it all through WILL help you...
I'm glad izzy revived your thread Crispy, this is no good at all, is it? Please phone Rape Crisis. I'm horrified the police never got back to you. I wonder how many women have received the same treatment from him since. Look after yourself. Lots of people here care x
After an ordeal of the nature you endured, feelings of self-disgust are not uncommon and can manifest in self-neglect.
Please get in touch with www.rapecrisis.org.uk and talk through your feelings. You'll get a ton of support and encouragement here, but there's nothing quite like hearing the words in real time in real life and you very much need to hear them being spoken to you by a real voice, Crispy.
Make it your priority for today.
I never feel clean anymore. I've been contaminated and I can't get rid of that
Yes, you can get rid of it, honey. He's the skank, the unclean predator who strikes in the night after luring his prey into a false sense of security using his job as an equally false banner of honour.
He's a foul minded inadequate. A pathetic excuse for a man who can only get his rocks off by acts of sexual dominance.
He may have touched your body, my love, but he didn't touch you , the inner Crispy, the soul that remains inviolate no matter what abomination is visited on the physical body within which it's housed.
I'm sick of feeling like some kind of whore. Like I deserve what happened to me. I'm sick of thinking and rehashing and what I could have done different to make it not have happened
You're not a whore, honey. You're a woman who was duped; taken in by a well-practised sexual predator who has fooled many other women who, just like yourself, did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to deserve what he does to those he perceives as being weaker than himself.
In common with his other victims, and the countless numbers of women and girls who have been brutalised and raped by strangers, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you could have done to make it not have happened.
If you hadn't agreed to meet him, he would have no doubt kept up a charm offensive until you gave in and it would have been infinitely worse had this come about because you were flattered by his persistence.
Don't beat yourself up for this worthless turd, Crispy. Save the self-flagellation for your real sins - and this ain't one of them, my dear.
I'm extremely concerned that lack of police attention to this matter has caused you to seek some solace in minimising/trivialising the fact that a predatory male selected you for the sole purpose of exercising power over a woman of small/slight stature by attacking and raping her after he had waited for her to go to sleep.
I suspect that a narrow escape caused him to modify his modus operandi whereby he adopts some subterfuge - in your case pretending to be sound asleep and unwakeable - to remain in his victim's home overnight in order to further refute any allegation of his having committed a sexual offence on an unwilling party.
It's unlikely that the festive season elapsed without him having reoffended and it's probable there is another woman, or women, who felt as you did, and are feeling as you do now, because they did not report him to the police - and they are just the latest in what I further suspect is a long and ever growing list of his victims.
This man is dangerous, Crispy, and I am convinced he has come to the attention of a police force somewhere, possibly the regional authority where he goes diving or maybe under his 'real' name rather than the one he allegedly subsequently adopted/assumed.
I urge you to get back to the officer who was and is charged with investigating your complaint and
raise Cain inform them that unless your complaint is taken seriously, you will have no alternative but to make contact with your MP.
Please do it, honey - when your experience becomes validated by the police you're going to be abe to put away that blade, albeit you may still feel need for a vodka or 2 now and again.
Crispy I am absolutely gobsmacked and disgusted with the way the police have treated you. I hope you're OK, it must be an absolutely awful thing to come to terms with, and my heart goes out to you.
Lovely wise Izzy. I'm crying now. Maybe that's a good thing. Thank you xi
Thanks Izzy x
I promise I'm ok. I'm so anaemic the blade probably wouldn't work. Ferritin is 4 and hb is 6. I'm due to go into hospital to be topped up. I can't OD cos I don't have enough digestive system to absorb enough to do any harm. I'm too chicken for anything else so no need to worry.
I never feel clean anymore. I've been contaminated and I can't get rid of that. I do have good people around me but I can't talk to them.
I'm sick of being sick and I'm sick of feeling like some kind of whore. Like I deserve what happened to me. I'm sick of thinking and rehashing and what I could have done different to make it not have happened.
The only wau to make it be over is if I stop taking the stuff that keeps me alive but that would take months.
Christ. I don't even know what I'm asking for here.
izzyizin Wed 06-Feb-13 01:54:01
Did you get back to the police, or have they got back to you about making a statement ,*Crispy*?
CrispyHedgeHogmanay Wed 06-Feb-13 02:09:17
Not heard a peep izzy. I don't blame them really. Their resources must be so streched and therefore they'll focus on the more sure things. Can't blame them for that even though its shitty.
I watched the accused last night. Scary that those attitudes haven't changed much sad
I really hope the op has a response she can be satisfied with and if she's anywhere near London I'm available for handholding and hugs
izzyizin Wed 06-Feb-13 02:34:22
It was unfortunate that your ordeal coincided with careers being made additional pressure on Sapphire's meagre resources,Crispy.
Nevertheless, your attacker needs to be brought to the notice of the police as he will continue to pose a danger to the women he selects as his victims.
Now the Met's enquiries into matters related to the late Jimmy Savile* are almost at an end, I sincerely hope you'll get back to your contact and be forthcoming about the appalling lack of attention to your serious complaint.
*the simple act of typing this repulsive creature's name made me feel dirty.
CrispyHedgeHogmanay Wed 06-Feb-13 02:51:15
Thanks Izzy. Honestly I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think I ought to contact him and apologise for not accepting his further aPproaches. Other times I question whether it really happened/i over reacted/led him on/ deserved it somehow.
Its a headfuck. I don't want to hijack the op's thread so I may continue elsewhere x
izzyizin Wed 06-Feb-13 02:54:51
Aw jeez, Crispy - revive earlier thread and fgs don't give another thought to making contact with your rapist.
CrispyHedgeHogmanay Wed 06-Feb-13 03:38:25
Ithink I will do that Izzy. Can't get to it from my phone tho.
I'm fine for now. Got vodka and a blade which I won't use but find its presence reassuring. I'm really really ok. I pronise x
izzyizin Wed 06-Feb-13 03:41:49
I'll revive it for you, honey.
Above is a copy of our 'conversation' on another OP's thread which is self explanatory.
It seems to me that you need hugs and handholding, Crispy, and I have no doubt that's what you're going to get here.
Aanks free. Soryy phones gone on the the fritz x th
I think you are great and I'm so sorry about what was done to you. What a fucking evil bastard.
Thanks all of you. I agree from the judicial point of view its pretty bad but I think for me personally I'm sort of relieved.
I've done my bit and reported it. Not entirely sure I was up for the legal battle tbh. Sorry if that makes me a wimp.
lurked a lot and posted under previous nn. Am that nobody has been in touch with you.
I have often thought of you, OP, and wondered how you are. It's absolutely disgraceful that the police didn't take it further. I hope you're alright. What an absolute bastard that man was and what absolute bastards the police are to ignore it.
They are probably hoping that you'll forget about it, or buried under a pile of papers.
what! and they wonder why the fuck their rape convictions are so low.
are you all right?
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