Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Hi I posted a few days ago but I wants to ask u all a question!

(13 Posts)
Mama4412 Mon 24-Sep-12 13:11:14

Me and my fiancé were together for nearly 3 years! We got together 2 months after he split with his ex (the one he left me for) and 4 months after I split with mine! I know I cud of been the rebound but surely it wouldn't of lasted nearly 3 years had a baby a hose n planned our wedding ! Also before we met he had been seein sum1 and so had I, so wouldn't the people we were seein in the time between splitting with our exes and us gettin together be the rebounds?? Anyway my question is because he got back with his ex 2 days after he left me is she now the rebound??

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Mon 24-Sep-12 13:13:00

No she is not. You are the one who was his rebound.

Why does it matter?

allchangeplease Mon 24-Sep-12 13:15:21

it must be a terrible blow to yousad! did he explain why he left you and the baby? from what i remember she is very unstanble, maybe they had a co-dependent relationship based on conflict and he just keeps being drawn to it. It's strange that you didn't see it coming! he really needs counselling tbh.

Mama4412 Mon 24-Sep-12 13:21:43

I was just wondering that's all! But wouldn't the girl he was with before me and after his ex be the rebound? So basically any girls he's ever gonna be with will be a rebound and not her !! Wierd!! No I didn't sent coming at all!! A few hours before left he texted me Sayin that he loves me and our son with all his heart and he couldn't wait to marry me because then ill be his forever :\

TakeMyEyesButNotTheGoat Mon 24-Sep-12 13:25:08

God no, some rebounds can last for years. I know a few people who are still with the 'rebound' have kids together and are bloody miserable.

Usually, now this IMO, these people who are in these relationships are people who are too scared to go it alone. So they would rather second best because their first choice doesn't want them or are with someone else.

The fact that your ex split with her, was seeing someone in between you, all in two months is evidence of someone who cannot be happily single.

I'm sure with time and when your shock and heartbreak eases, you will probably pity the fool!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 24-Sep-12 13:30:24

THREE YEARS? THAT'S NOTHING!!!! My ex was dumped by his ex shortly before meeting me at uni. TWELVE YEARS LATER we'd been married several years, bought and sold a few houses and were happily talking about ttc .... when he met her again and left quite quickly afterwards.

In my own life I've recently reconnected with my first love THIRTY YEARS on. (Oh yes, I'm that old) He's married with kids and all the rest of it but have a sneaky feeling that he's looking for a rekindling!

No statute of limitations on rebounds....

Mama4412 Mon 24-Sep-12 13:45:26

Aahh it's so crap :\ I think all twats shud have to have a tattoo or wear a tag so we can see them coming! I feel like I won't get anyone better! I feel so dumbstruck by him! Maybe it's cus j can't have him, I don't know! I'm gonna go no contact at all for my sons sake aswell because iv just found out some very disturbing stuff! Him and his wife to be have been caught selling heroin and crack angry and cud be lookin at prison soon and my ex was found with a gun!! Gobsmacked!!! I think I shud thank The Lord that he got me out of that! I never knew he had a side to him like that!! And we aswell wat an idiot!! I bet that's y they r gettin married!! Cus they r going to prison and like one of u sed es afraid to be alone! My son is safer away from him!! Wat a fool

Badinage Mon 24-Sep-12 13:52:00

If he'd only been separated from his ex for 4 months, then of course you were the rebound. He wasn't ready for a new relationship at all, because he hadn't fully dealt with his feelings about the last one.

The key though is how long someone has spent on their own after one relationship ends. Someone who's done that and had a few brief relationships or flings before finding someone to settle down with isn't in a rebound relationship with that person at all. If they still hanker after former loves many years later that's got more to do with their own issues - than the quality of the relationship they are now in, or the perceived qualities of the old flame. It's more about 'make me feel young again' than 'you were my one true love and I lost you, sob....'

TakeMyEyesButNotTheGoat Mon 24-Sep-12 13:56:05

shock Mama, what a horrible thing to find out!

It's amazing what some people can hide about themselves isn't it? No wonder your confused though, you were in love with him and thought you were happy together.

I don't want to minimise your pain but he probably proposed to her while he was off his face. Also he won't be alone anymore, he will have some lovely 'housemates' soon won't he?

You've had a lucky escape!

Mama4412 Mon 24-Sep-12 14:03:13

Takemyeyes out u made me choke on my tea hahaha "housemates" that's brilliant! I'm sure wen he's sat In that cell he will then realise that he's a complete idiot for leavin his son and maybe realise that he walked away from the best thing that happened to him! Wat a pair if idiots! She cheated on him with a female wen they were together before hahah maybe she will be quite happy locked up with other women pmsl

TakeMyEyesButNotTheGoat Mon 24-Sep-12 14:17:32

Fucking hell what a pair!

When his head clears of the drugs and he's sat in his cell with all the time in the world to mull over his actions, I'm sure he will feel like an idiot for leaving you both.

Hopefully his sentence will be long enough for you to have had time to get over what happened.

Be kind to yourself, he was the idiot in all this not you.

Oh well, he can now worry about his new 'fiance' being surrounded by all these women can't he? Fucking knob!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 24-Sep-12 14:36:07

If I were you I'd send the new wife a gift basket and a bouquet.... for taking this drug-peddling, gun-toting, oxygen-thief off your hands. You and your DS have had a lucky escape. Wouldn't give him so much as a backward glance.

Mama4412 Mon 24-Sep-12 15:21:09

U r all right smile I can't believe he turned out to be such a low life!! Iv been defending him to everyone say "oh he's a good daddy" and "he didn't mean to hurt us" wat a plonker lol in actual fact he's a loser! Who has never paid a penny for his son or bought him a gird, not even while we were together and he cancels visits for tattoo appointments! He's usually late wen I drop our boy of at his mums and leaves early to pick his beast of a girlfriend ( who looks like a blond John travolta with more make up that lily savage) and while my sons there he peob let's his mum care for him... Waste of space! Wow iv never posted on sites like this before this happened but I love it! u girls r so empowering smile thank u so much grin

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now