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Have fallen for a man who is off limits.

(4 Posts)
Newlysingleandstuck Mon 24-Sep-12 09:52:49

I don't know what to do.

Ex-h left six months ago, but has only just told his close friends. It has been a horrid time, but it was entirely his fault that the relationship ended. He has refused to tell his friends why it ended, he has just told them that I didn't want to be with him any more.

I have always had the most overwhelming crush on one of his circle of friends. I used to avoid him as much as possible as he was attached, and I was with dh, so didn't want to do anything ridiculous, or see him more than I needed to, as every time we looked at each other my eyes would feel like they were on fire and my stomach would leap, and I couldn't stop smiling, so didn't want other people to realise how I was feeling. He is now single, as am I, and he has been told he is getting sent to Afghanistan. I was worried when I found out, and sent him a message wishing him luck and a safe time when over there. We sent each other a couple of messages and he asked what happened with ex-h, and I told him (in a ridiculously long message!) exactly what happened, but tried to be as reasoned as possible, as ex-h is his friend. I haven't heard anything since, and he replied to all my previous messages very quickly. I'm not sure if he sees that as the end of the conversation or is just shocked by what has happened.

Finding out that he is being deployed has shaken me a lot more than I thought it would. What if something happens to him? I feel ridiculous and egotistical saying what if he never knows how I feel about him-it is very likely he wouldn't care, but what if he did? He is everything I want in a man, and a relationship, and more, and always has been, but all the feelings that I have repressed for so long are now all-encompassing. There are other men that I have found attractive over the years, but none have ever made a huge jolt of electricity seemingly pass between us. Can the electricity be entirely one-sided? Can he be feeling absolutely nothing? If so then I will leave it, but he has always felt like The Man for Me if circumstances were different, which they now are. I am putting him in such an awful position if I do admit to how I feel, but I would be devastated if he met someone else without ever knowing how I felt.

What should I do?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 24-Sep-12 10:01:34

"Can the electricity be entirely one-sided?"

Yes. That's how crushes work. Delicious because they don't go anywhere most of the time. Often disappointing if/when you get it together because the fantasy bubble pops. Most decent men don't look that way at their mates' wives. The may think you're attractive or whatever but they dismiss you as being unavailable and take a mental step back. Now you've poured your heart out he knows the score and probably suspects that it was more than just a friendly message. But as the break-up is recent, he still won't be leaping to jump into his friend's barely cold bed....

LizLemon007 Mon 24-Sep-12 10:06:12

I'd say that even if he believes you and sympathises with you, and sees your side, you have still placed him in an awkward position by opening up to him.

He may very well like you (but not as much as you like him), be attracted to you,,,, but i think that in the real world, to get together with your friend's xw (and the ink would hardly be dry) there'd have to be a passion so strong and so mutual that neither of you would be in any doubt. Sorry if that sounds really sensible and boring.

Newlysingleandstuck Mon 24-Sep-12 10:06:30

That's what I thought, but didn't really want to hear!

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