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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

Found some Viagra...

85 replies

crazygracieuk · 23/09/2012 22:21

Married to dh for 10+ years, 3 kids, no plans for more and he is 41 years old.

I accidentally found an empty box of Viagra in the car. Prescription date is 11 September and all 4 had been taken. We have had sex once and I really don't think that he's cheating.

Should I ask him what's going on or pretend not to know and save him the embarrassment?

Sex has dwindled a lot. I'd put it down to him exercising a lot more and dieting.

OP posts:

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BurlingtonBertieFromBow · 23/09/2012 22:24

Weird that he would have taken 4 tablets in 12 days. Would he even have had an opportunity for 4 shags in that time (with someone else I mean)?

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SquashedSquirrel · 23/09/2012 22:26

Does he have diabetes? I believe that 40+yr old men who are diabetic are automatically offered viagra on prescription for free. Maybe he just hasn't mentioned it out of embarrassment - although that wouldn't account for all 4 tabs being used (when you've only had sex once).

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SchrodingersMew · 23/09/2012 22:30

I would say masturbation but it strikes me as odd the box is in the car.

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DoIDare · 23/09/2012 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crazygracieuk · 23/09/2012 22:34

I assume he masturbated or changed his mind on the 3 occasions he took it but we didn't shag.

He gets home (by car) about 8pm so I assumed he took it before leaving work (and that it takes time to kick in) .

OP posts:

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BurlingtonBertieFromBow · 23/09/2012 22:35

That's plausible

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FatFaced · 23/09/2012 22:36

I would ask him.

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SassySpice · 23/09/2012 22:37

Hmmmm, hidden Viagra + diet + exercise = red flags

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crazygracieuk · 23/09/2012 22:38

Doldare- I know what you are saying but I can't find evidence of an affair. He usually pays for stuff by card and there are no questionable items on online banking. I can check his work and personal email via his phone which I know the password to. He's not possessive or secretive over his phone either. Internet history is also normal-no porn, chat sites etc.

OP posts:

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DoIDare · 23/09/2012 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabylonPI · 23/09/2012 22:53

My alarm bells rang at the diet and exercise tbh.

Surely losing weight and feeling fitter would make him want sex more, not less??

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crazygracieuk · 23/09/2012 23:16

I know that dieting and exercising is a red flag but I've been doing it too and am definitely not having an affair.

Will ask him in a bit but I'm feeling nervous that I'll ask the wrong way and it'll sound like a moan about lack of sex which will turn him off even more.

According to Google, a man who becomes leaner rather than musclier has less testosterone so I'm kinda hoping it's a case of that or a getting older thing but we'll see...

Thanks for the moral support.

OP posts:

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Hatpin · 23/09/2012 23:17

Do you think he had taken it the last time you had sex?

You usually take it about 30 - 60 mins beforehand.

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Mayisout · 23/09/2012 23:29

You could hint that you are in the mood one evening and see if he appears with a humungous dinger 40 mins later

or try to start a conversation saying you miss the great sex you had when you first met, or something, and see if he mention the viagra (or maybe you could mention viagra - jokily).

My DH took it occasionally and it seemed to give him heart palpitations so didn't again so it might be he is taking it but struggling to get used to it.

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adrastea · 23/09/2012 23:32

Had he taken it when you had sex that once?

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Opentooffers · 24/09/2012 00:31

Hmm.. can't really put it down to exercising lots as that tends to increase libido. Some red flags, but you know him and seem sure about him. Wardrobe changed a bit too? More care in appearance? How convinced are you? Maybe a bit more thought and critical observation required, or a mid-life crisis?

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Aussiebean · 24/09/2012 00:36

My other half has taken up rock climbing and running. He is a lot more up for now, not the other way round.

Saying that I hope it works out in a good way.

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Opentooffers · 24/09/2012 00:36

You should know if he had had it before you last had sex - it would of been completely different. Think back, was it same as ever or not?

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EnglishNotMy1stLanguage · 24/09/2012 01:05

Just bumping up.

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Taghain · 24/09/2012 08:57

Viagra's not available on the NHS, so he'll have had to pay for a private prescription. Does that appear on his credit card statements? (In a chemist's shop, or Boots, I guess)
If not, he's hiding the purchase from you.
I can't see why a man would take Viagra for masturbation at all. You're either in the mood or not, and planning a wank for an hour's time seems improbable.

I'd keep quiet and observant.

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BabylonPI · 24/09/2012 09:05

So did you ask him op??

I hope all us red flag wavers are completely off the mark

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mcmooncup · 24/09/2012 09:06

Does he have erectile issues?
I can't think of a single legitimate reason why a DH would take 4 viagras when not with his Dw.
I'd say nothing. Or alternatively have an insipid conversation about 'a friend' whose DH used Viagra and see if he mentions it.
Spidey senses going awry I'm afraid

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/09/2012 09:07

I'd ask in a lighthearted way. "You'll never guess what I found in the car...." and take it from there. You've been married for 10 years and have 3 kids. I'm sure you can both cope with a bit of embarrassment. It's certainly better than rifling through his e-mails etc.

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OneMoreChap · 24/09/2012 09:13

He may find it embarrassing. I did. Now I get "Are you taking one of your pills...".

I didn't tell DW for ages, and I would take a tablet (or more usually half) in the hope we would dtd.

If we didn't I might get a wee headache or the snuffles, but she'd not notice. The second time we dtd and I had taken one she certainly noticed. I 'fessed up and there's been no embarrassment since.

Incidentally, I'd compare it to a vibrator - you don't always need it..., but if you use it it ensures a good result and takes a lot of "head" pressure off.

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Apocalypto · 24/09/2012 09:38

I may be naive, but the first thing I thought when you mentioned an empty pack of 4 was that he has been given them by someone who's kept the other three. The fact that you haven't seen anything cash wise to evidence a buy of the stuff supports this. The losing weight and getting fit would also be things he might do if he was having a bit of a problem in that department - i.e. get yourself fit first and see if that helps with the ED, then try something else.

Other explanations are no doubt possible. However Viagra is expensive, a look in my junk mail inbox tells me that a pack of 4 would be about £70 from one of the online dodgies.

Thinking about it - the only way he could hide such a buy from you, if you have access to all his accounts, would be to sell stuff on eBay and pay for the Viagra using the resulting PayPal funds.