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please stop texting me

(19 Posts)
mummymcphee Sun 23-Sep-12 22:12:37

I posted recently about the way my ex has treated me over the last 18 months since finding out I was pregnant and having his baby. He was emotionally abusive and physically abusive once. I called the police and left him when I was pregnant. I asked him to get anger management and instead he moved ow into his house.

He is living across the road with ow and they are expecting a baby next year. He has never seen his dd and was on holiday with OW when she was born. They all ignore me in the street including his children from a previous relationship. I should be grateful for this. However it hurts a lot

I have kept quiet for a year since the birth and have finally sent him some angry texts about how little I think of him. I am so upset with myself for doing this as until now he never knew he had hurt me so much. In response I got 'please stop texting me' I work full time and feel this makes it difficult to bond with DD. I often feel hormonal and upset! I am worried I am going to cause a scene at the hospital where I work if I bump into them on a pregnancy related visit.

I have had counselling and am still struggling to move on. I have put in motion plans to move house but it will take at least 6 months minimum to get everything sorted. I am still struggling. Any suggestions ?

olgaga Sun 23-Sep-12 22:15:35

Poor you. I can't imagine what it must be like for you living across the street, moving on is the only way I'm afraid. Do you really have to wait 6 months? I'm surprised you've waited this long.

I think you should speak to your GP - you sound seriously depressed, and that's hardly surprising. Sometimes counselling is just not enough.

mummymcphee Sun 23-Sep-12 22:25:23

Thanks olgaga I think I might try some happy pills. I tried the pill to try and balance my hormones but it seems to make things worse particularly as I'm busy with babe I forget to take it.

I couldn't cope with the thought of moving before now. I also in a way felt that he'd one in some way by forcing me into a move with a young baby when it would be easier for him to move.

skyebluesapphire Sun 23-Sep-12 22:56:29

Hi there. After my STBXH walked out, i sat around crying every day trying to make sense of it all. In the end I went to the doctor and asked for help. She put me on Citalopram Anti D's and recommended counselling.

I am receiving free counselling through my Childrens Centre as I have a child under 5. Do you have a Centre near you? Is this something you could get? I know you have had some, but maybe some more working with anti d's might help you further?

Also, do you need to work full time? Is there any way you could cut your hours even slightly in order to spend more time with DD? (I understand financially you may not be able to do this).

How much time do you spend with DD and what do you do with her when you have that time?

Sorry for so many questions :-) just want to know more, so can suggest more help

mummymcphee Sun 23-Sep-12 23:10:25

Thanks Skyeblue I spend every morning before work and after work till bed time plus weekends with DD. I could go to 30 hours at a pinch. I take her out to parks and the beach when I have her. Playgroups seem to be on when I am at work!

I will make sure I go an see my GP on my day off. I think that I have tried everything else and now need to accept pills. Thanks for your advice.

skyebluesapphire Sun 23-Sep-12 23:17:47

Just wondered, as Im self employed and work from home and DD started acting naughty and I realised that I wasnt giving her enough attention... so I make sure that we read books together and do things together before bedtime.

If you are taking her out then that is great. As she gets older you could do sticker books and jigsaw puzzles with her, kids love that for interaction. Cooking together is another good thing, making fairy cakes, pizza etc. Swimming is another good way of spending time together.

I was wondering if you could work less hours, you may be able to attend a local playgroup which would give you time with her and also maybe help you to meet some new friends too.

I think seeing the doctor would be a good idea. There is no shame in asking for help. i went for my DD's sake, in order that I was well for her.

I agree its a shame that you have to move, but it sounds like the best option for you, in order to be able to move on. My STBXH moved 20 miles away, which is great because it means that I dont bump into him

mummymcphee Sun 23-Sep-12 23:25:36

Thanks skye...all good practical advice on things to do with dd as she gets bigger. She was one last week and I think my ex ignoring her first birthday alongside announcing a new baby made me lose the plot this weekend!!

I am looking at moving along the coast with DD as we could have a fresh start in a new town !!

chipmonkey Sun 23-Sep-12 23:33:17

mummy, that is so hard. But he is a fuckwit, ignoring his own child! You and she are better off without him.

skyebluesapphire Sun 23-Sep-12 23:34:24

I totally understand how you feel. Most days you trot along reasonably ok, well as ok as it gets at the moment, then something knocks you off your feet again.

I try to see it as a bonus now, that me and DD will be closer than ever and that despite STBXH seeing her one day a week, he will never have as good a relationship with her as he would if he had stayed here.

We are the lucky ones who get to share all the special moments. The useless twunts miss it all and its their choice.

Moving to the coast would be lovely. I always love the sea and am only a 30 minute drive from some of our beaches, but would love to live near the sea.

Stay positive and realise that you are doing the best that you can for your DD and she will love you and appreciate you for that when she is old enough.

mummymcphee Mon 24-Sep-12 07:36:17

Thankyou chip! I know people think it but he seems to sail through life with no consequences leaving us all in his wake! We should form a survivors group.

Thanks skye once I get the balance right then I'm sure my relationship with DD will be stronger. You sound like a strong person who is managing really well!

Need to get baby up :-) or will be late for work ! Thanks for the advice !

mummymcphee Wed 03-Oct-12 21:30:19

well an update of my few angry texts! Basically I have been called by the police tonight and warned that if I speak to, phone or text the father of my baby it will be classed as harassment. I can only communicate with him through a solicitor. He is hiding from me and baby with OW across the street!!!!

My ex phoned them about the texts I sent related to his shitty behaviour and reported me for harrassment! They are phoning him now to say that they have given me a verbal warning/ticking off.....he will be so pleased!!!

I went to the GP and got some pills but every few steps forward = a few steps back!!

Doha Wed 03-Oct-12 21:52:24

The best revenge mummymcphee is to live well.....and make sure he is paying for his DD. Is the CSA involved.

Your DD will grow up knowing she has a mum who loves her and a father who is a waste of space

skyebluesapphire Wed 03-Oct-12 22:12:47

Agree with Doha, I am trying to work on the same theory.....

But what was in those texts, that the police got involved?!!

Put your efforts into moving house and getting away from him

mummymcphee Wed 03-Oct-12 22:35:10

Thanks Doha.....the policeman when in full possession of the facts said 'for what its worth I think your ex's behaviour towards you and dd has been disgusting' but I have to follow policy and give you a warning!! He hadn't even looked up the fact that he had assaulted me!! Living well seems a very long way off! He will be a father of four and self employed so I think CSA pretty unhelpful perhaps.

Skye the texts were basically trying to establish if he was planning on moving house given the fact that he regularly walks by dd in the street and the fact that he is going to be playing the perfect dad under my nose when new baby arrives. I knew he would do something like this so only have myself to blame. I think it's the depression contributing to it all.

Thanks :-)

skyebluesapphire Wed 03-Oct-12 22:37:48

I just wondered why the police got involved, wondered if you were making threats or something... but the policeman was just "doing his job"......... daft isnt it....

How is it going with your own house move?

mummymcphee Wed 03-Oct-12 22:57:36

Hello Skye

No threats...he's the one who does that! The policeman had no idea as to the content of the texts just that they were unwanted by ex....a bit like our DD! Therefore if you have sent unwanted texts you can be guilty of harassment :-(

Very daft it is making me view ex on a whole new level of cowardice.

The move is going slowly as I am always at work or looking after dd! I have made an appointment with an estate agent.

I hope things are going well for you and your DD in striving to move on and live well xx

skyebluesapphire Wed 03-Oct-12 23:01:21

that is ridiculous that the police got involved without even knowing the content of the texts! what a pathetic knob your ex is!

NeDeLaMer Wed 03-Oct-12 23:06:51

McPhee (it's me CI in disguise - PM me if you can't work it out x). When did you move to be near him? I've had a lot going on lately and have hardly been on MN, last time we 'spoke' you were still living a long way from him?!

Asswipe isn't he sad

How far away are you going to be able to move?

Honestly, he's such a bastard, he's given you the run around for such a long time. Bastard.

Living well with DD is the best revenge - but it's hard to get to that place sad but you will, honest x

mummymcphee Wed 03-Oct-12 23:30:47

skye ... I think the poor policeman was out of his depth really. I asked him if he thought the way ex had behaved was ok given the assault, the affair, the abandonment of DD and now reporting me for harrassment. He was lost for words especially when I brought up the lack of financial support over the last 18 months. I think he will do his research before ringing some other poor cow!!!

LaMer I'm not able to go too far because of work! I would love to be able to move very far far away!!!


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