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Im so stressed and upset and confused. What is wrong with me?

(32 Posts)
roz1982 Sun 23-Sep-12 20:57:50

Im finding it really difficult to even know what to type.

My marriage has become something so unrecognisable to me and i feel like its all my fault.

I think im very stressed and maybe a bit depressed at the moment so that doesnt help but i just dont feel about dh the way i should and its been going on off and on for months. Ds is ten months old and im back at work and everything is just so bloody hard all the time. I feel like im being pulled apart. My sex drive is non existent to the point where i feel like dh kissing me or touching me is just irritating and suffocating but im just so exhausted all the time.

Im horrible to dh and feel awful about it. Im weepy and anxious and stressed and angry most of the time. Is this just a phase will it get better? I just dont know what to do but i cant go on feeling like this. I have talked to dh to a certain extent but theres some stuff that you just cant say isnt there?

dequoisagitil Sun 23-Sep-12 21:00:39

Sorry you're feeling so low. Have you considered it might be PND?

Donkeysdontridebicycles Sun 23-Sep-12 21:04:36

Dear OP glad you posted here, always good to reach out for help. Might a chat with your GP help? Is your OH generally supportive?

Lueji Sun 23-Sep-12 21:05:24

Is your OH contributing his fair share?

roz1982 Sun 23-Sep-12 21:05:25

I have considered that yes. But i feel really good about my relationship with my son...even thiugh its hard because of all the other stuff im feeling... Id rather it was something like that than my marriage falling apart around my ears.

I honestly dont know what it is but i know its not right. My doctors are so shit though i dont wanna go to them. I just want it to go away.

TheCalmingManatee Sun 23-Sep-12 21:06:03

It sounds like pnd to me, i would have a word with your doctor. You must be knackered too going back to work so you are not going to be skipping around and wanting a shag fest every night so that is relatively normal to be fair.

AnastasiaSteele Sun 23-Sep-12 21:06:12

Didn't want to read and run - it sounds like you might be depressed and there could be a range of causes - PND, being tired/exhausted or sometimes a chemical thing. Please go to the doctors and they can discuss a solution, eg counselling, medication etc to get through the fog. It's nothing to be ashamed of. There's a checklist online somewhere that I used and it was like a bingo card, might have been an nhs one.

It will get better but you need support xx

roz1982 Sun 23-Sep-12 21:08:01

Dh generally does his fair share yes...hes not shit by any stretch of the imagination but i think he is having a hard time understanding me at the moment. He is on a stag do in amsterdam thus weekend and i have found it tough on my own. Im just so bloody tired all the time. Ds is sleeping thriugh now so i dont feel like i should be this tired

TheCalmingManatee Sun 23-Sep-12 21:09:35

roz, i had really really bad PND, and like you, i had a brilliant relationship with my DD, so of course, was convinced i didn't have PND because i thought people with PND didn't love their babies. I did, and i didn't get it sorted and as a consequence i am still (7 YEARS later, dealing with the anxiety it left me with). Please talk to someone about this, i just read that your doctors are a bit rubbish, maybe a health visitor?

Donkeysdontridebicycles Sun 23-Sep-12 21:10:21

Not prying so don't say more than you want to but did your husband react well to you being pregnant, were things fine between you before your son arrived?

SassySpice Sun 23-Sep-12 21:11:21

I also think it could be PND. Please, please go and see your GP. If you're not happy with your regular GP ask to see a different one, preferably female.

dequoisagitil Sun 23-Sep-12 21:15:19

PND doesn't mean your relationship with your ds would be affected or you wouldn't feel good about being a mum - it can do, but mine didn't. The tiredness and everything might well add up to some form of depression.

If you don't like your doctors, you could switch surgeries or talk to a nurse/health visitor there at first.

roz1982 Sun 23-Sep-12 21:17:13

Donkeys, everyhting was great with dh throughout pregnancy he was brilliant and he still is...its me im the one who's a nightmare. I spend most of the time just trying to get a grip and feeling guilty all the time about not being able to. I think i will see gp then cant argue with the response ive had. Dh thinks im depressed too and two friends have said it to me cant really ignore it any more. I actually feel quite sick now i really dont want this to be happening.

Donkeysdontridebicycles Sun 23-Sep-12 21:23:01

Right then, make a GP's appointment, don't underplay how you're feeling and don't be embarrassed if the tears fall while you're explaining. It sounds like your husband and friends think this could be depression, nothing wrong with getting help, nobody will think less of you. You don't have to carry this burden around on your shoulders unsupported x

dequoisagitil Sun 23-Sep-12 21:28:18

You're not a nightmare - you're in a nightmare. But things can and will look brighter again, it's great that you're going to try the gp.

Write how you're feeling down to take in with you if you're likely to downplay or back out of explaining.

TheCalmingManatee Sun 23-Sep-12 21:33:36

roz, there is a positive to this, you are recognising tht you may be unwell, and its bloody horrible, but you know what, it can be treated and you will come through it.

Purplehonesty Sun 23-Sep-12 21:41:11

I could have written your post. When ds was a year old we moved house, began to
Build a new house and I went back to work and him to a nursery.
It was an unbelievably stressful time and I spent most of it shouting at dh, crying, feeling ill and tired and not sleeping.
It was just too much all at once and I think it was stress rather than pnd.
I did go to the gp and he was going to refer me to speak to someone but before he did he suggested I stop taking my contraceptive pill in case it was that. I felt a lot better in a week and as I got more used to the routine and took a backwards step at work to make things easier it was fine. I haven't felt like that again since and I now have 2 dcs.
I won't be going back to work this time tho as I know I couldn't juggle it all and keep up with house/husband on shifts/childcare/work sometimes it's just too much.
I am going to try and eat some money at home instead.
Good luck op and remember you are not alone, it's really hard!

OrangeImperialGoldBlether Sun 23-Sep-12 21:42:03

Please see your doctor, OP. I think there's an awful lot that could be done to help you. If you don't like your doctor, could you change surgeries? It's vital to have a supportive doctor - you can easily change that.

Purplehonesty Sun 23-Sep-12 21:42:12

Hmm earn some money, not eat it!

CaliforniaLeaving Mon 24-Sep-12 02:45:44

While at the Docs maybe they'll send you for some lab work too. I know when I was very anaemic I was so exhausted constantly I didn't have the energy to do anything. I was starting to think I was depressed or going a bit crazy as I wanted to do stuff but my mind was as tired as my body.

cupcake78 Mon 24-Sep-12 05:49:17

Not sure if this will help op but I've been coming out of depression for the last 9mths. During this time I questioned everything especially my marriage and my husband. I had months of wondering what was going on, feeling very unhappy and terrified I might do something to mess it all up. I'm now on the road to getting better and I'm feeling so much more like myself. I can see a future with my dh and recognise it was a symptom of my depression.

You have a lot going on and maybe you aren't well which is making it all seem very confusing. Good luck at your gps, be honest with them.

Viking1 Mon 24-Sep-12 09:43:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Mon 24-Sep-12 09:48:45

I was told i couldn't have pnd due to the fact i had a good bond with my baby. This thread has made me think that might be rubbish.

TheCalmingManatee Mon 24-Sep-12 09:53:59

Viking, that is a very valid point you are making there, which is, imo, all the more reason for the OP to get some help with what she is feeling, in terms of counselling at least.

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 24-Sep-12 09:59:28

Definitely get your iron levels checked out

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