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Don't know what to think :(

(12 Posts)
Mama1980 Sat 22-Sep-12 21:29:39

Sorry for posting again ;( to cut a long story short I'm 12 weeks pregnant in hospital very high risk pregnancy to both of us. I was advised to have a abortion dp left it up to me and I couldn't. I have a ds 4 and dd 14. My dp and I don't live together and but have been together 3 years and he's been amazing. I thought he was stepping up caring for the children and basically holding the fort whilst I'm I'll, tonight my sister gently told me he has basically not been there, and has been shouting a lot when there upsetting everyone. My family have stepped in my brother staying in my house and sorting things after being asked by dp. I asked him tonight and he got very angry saying I should still have a abortion, he was relieved when they thought I was miscarrying 3 weeks ago, he never wanted this despite him asking me to move in months ago, it's too much pressure he needs a break..... I just told him to go then and he basically said ok. Part of me thinks he needs time but then part of me thinks tough luck! How can he say that? I have lovely ladies on here messaging me everyday cheering us on and he..... I feel sick. I'm sorry for posting again but there's no one else here.

Jennylee Sat 22-Sep-12 21:35:38

That's awful , I hope things get better . He should have told u he was feeling like this. And he should be there for you . I'm sorry you are going through this

itsallinmyhead Sun 23-Sep-12 00:00:10

I'm really sorry you're having such a tough time OP. What I'd like to say is first off, try not to worry about your DC's whilst you are in hospital, your family obviously have your back & are stepping up where your DP (for whatever reason) is not. They are safe & with people who love them & are looking after them.

You need support right now & you & your pg need to be a priority, however it sounds like your DP is behaving like a shit because he's scared too. You know him, could this be a possibility?

If so you both really need to talk & try to find a way to seek support from your gp & or midwife who can then refer you for specialist ante-natal support.

Right now you don't need this extra stress so if your DP isn't on board & you don't envisage him changing his attitude, you need to keep seeking support for yourself & if NM's helps, keep posting.

Best wishes

dondon33 Sun 23-Sep-12 02:30:44

So sorry Mama
It took two of you to make this baby so he should bloody well face up to his responsibilities. It's not an ideal situation but you and the DC need him, he's being very selfish if he thinks otherwise.

I don't have much more to give you sorry, but just try and concentrate on getting yourself fit and well, your DC are in good hands with your own family.
Take care sweetheart xx

EatsBrainsAndLeaves Sun 23-Sep-12 04:27:45

So sorry to hear what is happening to you. It is obvious you cant rely on this man for any support and practical help. But it sounds like you have a supportive family who will make sure your children are well cared for.

I think you do need to ask yourself what you are getting out of this relationship. This is a man who shouts a lot at your family and upsets them, lies to you, wont take care of his own children when you are in hospital and tells you you should have had an abortion when you are in hospital because of a high risk pregnancy.

He doesnt sound much of a catch.

izzyizin Sun 23-Sep-12 04:37:50

The OP's dc are not her partners children, EatsBrainsAndLeaves.

His behaviour is reprehensible, but due to surgery the OP underwent recently the risk to her of continuing this pregnancy is high and, as I understand it, some damage may have occurred to the embryo due to medically prescribed drugs she was taking before she knew she was pg.

It may be that he is not thinking or acting rationally due to his fear of losing the OP.

izzyizin Sun 23-Sep-12 04:39:12

Or it could be that he's just another in the long line of common or garden twats that come to the attention of this board.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves Sun 23-Sep-12 04:48:54

Thanks Izzy, didnt know the background

izzyizin Sun 23-Sep-12 04:55:28

You're welcome, EB smile

Mama1980 Sun 23-Sep-12 07:09:40

Thanks for replying. I get that he is scared, so am I. But seriously how is this helping? I thought i could depend on him. sad

izzyizin Sun 23-Sep-12 22:32:16

He's not helping and, even though he may feel like a rabbit caught in the headlights, he needs to man up and make it clear exactly what he wants/expects you to do/is willing to do.

If this pg was 'accidental', I suspect that this is end of your relationship with him as you're going to feel some understandable contempt for him if he doesn't get his act together in the very near future.

As for shouting at your dc/in your home, WTF??!! That is out of order and if he's got keys to your place, I suggest you ask your db to collect them from him.

Mama1980 Mon 24-Sep-12 08:56:38

Thanks for replying again izzy its much appreciated smile We had a long talk yesterday he said basically he feels I am being selfish having this baby when the risks are so high, he doesnt want to be a father this way and he doesn't feel he can cope. Have to admit I laughed at that point! Maybe not helpful but seriously?! So I told him to us very simple either he steps up and we are a family that means all of us or he leaves, I won't beg.This wasn't planned it s just about the worst timing ever but we had talked of children. I had no clue he would react like this.

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