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Lies about me

(10 Posts)
QuestionTime Sat 22-Sep-12 08:03:36

Hi ladies - some advice would be gratefully reviewed. It's a bit complex but I'll try to make it understandable. Let's call the blokes Bill and Ted - both single, both very senior in the company I work for. Both mates.
I've been seeing Bill for about two months - but it's a big secret. Literally no one knows - to be honest it's more sex than anything else. Both just come out of bad relationships. Last week he was on a course with Ted and a few other v senior people. I get a text from Bill saying I hear u have been sending Ted naughty messages. Apparently Ted told everyone that I have been sending him lots of filthy texts and I'd defo be up for it with him. It's a lie! I've only send him one text about 5 months ago after a nite out when I was v drunk saying "sorry for being so drunk - thanks for looking after me. Ps you are lovely!" In my drinker haze I meant lovely for looking after me but obv that got misconstrued. But still hardly filth! Other than that there's been a bit of light joking via email - like he had to cancel a meeting with me for the second time so I said "third time lucky - ill try not to hold it against you!"
So a bit of jokey flirting I suppose but nothing bad.
So I'm really annoyed that all these senior blokes now think I'm a slut. But I don't know what to do about it, as I don't want anyone to find out that I'm seeing the bloke who told me. Therefore there's no way I should know about this conversation. But I've got a meeting with him on fri and I know I won't be able to help myself being sharp and cold - not my normal smiley self.
Ps I'm quite young and all these guys are a good 15-20 years older than me. Oh and there's no way I'm going to HR cos then it would all come out about seeing the other bloke.
Hope that made sense

QuestionTime Sat 22-Sep-12 08:04:06

Received not reviewed!! Autocorrect!!

pygsney Sat 22-Sep-12 08:11:13

It's completely out of order for this man to make comments like this. You need to go to HR as this could affect the way your career develops. It doesn't matter how you came to hear, you don't need to reveal that Bill told you, presumably there were several people there so someone else could have told you.

If you are serious about your career you have to avoid shagging colleagues. I have seen many times that it works out badly, and usually for the woman concerned.

mameulah Sat 22-Sep-12 08:14:42

I would do nothing. Lay low and get another job. Gradually cool it off with Bill so as not to cause anymore drama.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 22-Sep-12 08:17:05

You didn't have to say you're quite young because it's pretty obvious. Sending flirty e-mails and jokey texts to senior colleagues is not the way to behave if you want to be taken seriously. By agreeing to be secret sex partner to Bill, you're cheapening yourself... which is why he's leaped to the conclusion that you're also shagging Ted.

Drop Bill, then grow up and start acting much more professionally.

Proudnscary Sat 22-Sep-12 08:31:20

Can I be brutal? There's no smoke without fire.

I truly sympathise with you for being in this situation, it's horrible. It sounds very 'old boy's club'. You are being unfairly painted as some sort of scarlet woman.

But I agree with Cogito you have behaved unprofessionally.

Let this be a huge learning curve.

Don't mix business with pleasure.

You will only be taken seriously if you act professionally at work - that, of course, goes for men and women.

I think you should finish with Bill and start looking for a new job.

Offred Sat 22-Sep-12 08:37:07

Agree with cog and proud.

This is not school and you are not shagging your teacher. You need to take some control over yourself. Shagging and flirting with much older "old boys club" type bosses will kill your career stone dead.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 22-Sep-12 08:38:19

Oh yes... and, for the future, don't get pissed on works 'nites out'. There shouldn't be but there are double standards in business about female & male employees getting drunk at work functions. If you're pretty and young, it's won't be just the 'old boys' that have the knives out for your reputation.... it'll be very much the 'old girls' as well.

QuestionTime Sat 22-Sep-12 16:27:18

Ok thanks everyone for your advice. Am going to stop all contact and just keep my head down

LydiasMiletus Sat 22-Sep-12 16:38:18

I would consider moving jobs and don't sleep, friendly text people you work with.

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