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question about photos on

(22 Posts)
redhappy Tue 18-Sep-12 20:55:24

Is it possible to have photos up, but hidden, and you can only let certain people see them? I live in a very small town, and id rather keep it private.

OhEmGee24 Tue 18-Sep-12 20:58:08

Could you not say you live in the nearest big town/city on your profile and just tell the people you want to on it?

redhappy Tue 18-Sep-12 21:13:31

That's a good idea, there's not many though! Do you think 30 miles is too far?

lulubellaboozle Wed 19-Sep-12 19:45:54

I think, being on Match myself, that once your photos are on your profile, anyone can see them who you are "matched" with or if you come up in their search results. So you can search for potential matches further afield but anyone local to you can search and if you fit their criteria they will come up in your Match.

However, why worry? I felt the same as you when I joined, I was worried what people might think if they saw me and knew me. But ..... having been on there for a couple of months, I have realised that, if anyone sees you on there that you know, then they are in the same boat as you, doing the same thing and unlikely to judge you. There are always the odd ones on internet dating sites, but I have had a couple of very enjoyable dates, they didn't go anywhere (nice guys but nice is never going to be enough) and I have now met someone who totally floats my boat and life suddenly, after being left by a cheating husband, seems a whole lot better! So go for it and have fun x

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 19-Sep-12 20:34:41

I believe there are sites where you can hide your picture, if this is important to you, but I don't know which. I think Girlsdateforfree might be one, but not sure.

redhappy Wed 19-Sep-12 20:58:29

ah that's lovely to hear lulubellaboozle

I think I'm really just dipping my toe in the water to be honest. Bought 1 month subscription on a whim, but feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing.

Any etiquette tips? I have been warned that if you say not looking for anything serious that reads as just looking for sex, which I'm not! But I like the thought of meeting new men, having some pleasant dates etc.

skyebluesapphire Wed 19-Sep-12 21:01:20

I think you can hide your picture on match, I remember seeing it somewhere. I will investigate it....

skyebluesapphire Wed 19-Sep-12 21:17:03

or maybe that was pOF..

Shutupalittlebit Wed 19-Sep-12 21:21:33

You can make none of your photos your main one so that your photos only show if someone clicks on your profile, rather than being in full view to window shoppers!

OhEmGee24 Wed 19-Sep-12 21:24:56

I was just going to say what shutup did! I'm the biggest advocate of online dating. Met my mr perfect on pof smile

skyebluesapphire Wed 19-Sep-12 21:27:33

really? Ive met one ok guy who is not right for me, but is in daily contact by text and facebook... and the rest have all been half my age or weirdos/pervs, lol

OhEmGee24 Wed 19-Sep-12 21:30:14

Keep at it there are some good'uns on there. Started "chatting" on a Saturday in January, first date on the Monday and not gone more than 3 days apart since (vom emoticon)

hatesponge Wed 19-Sep-12 21:40:24

I think you used to be able to hide photos on Match, but you will get v few messages without a photo, and tbh theres no shame in internet dating, I wouldn't worry about people seeing you on there.

Having said that, I think going into it hoping for (at most) the odd half decent date and an amusing diversion from everyday life is best, and completely realistic. The chances of meeting anyone you actually want to have a relationship with (and who wants the same thing) is really tiny, for everyone who meets 'the one' there are literally thousands who don't I'm one of them.

redhappy Wed 19-Sep-12 21:40:45

Tell me how you start chatting please smile

Do you literally just say 'hi' or do you actually say something? How many people do you chat to at once? I feel like I need a crash course!

Shutupalittlebit Wed 19-Sep-12 21:44:57

I only chat to one or two at a time, otherwise I can't cope!

hatesponge Wed 19-Sep-12 21:45:05

I'd send a short opening message - reference something in their profile that interested you. That should get conversation flowing.

Don't feel you have to reply to every message you get. If the sender is totally not what you're looking for just ignore and delete.

Chat to as many as you want. The odds of OD tend to work that of 10 you're messaging, 3 will fade away after a couple of messages, 2 will just want to message back and forth ad infintum, the remaining 5 will suggest coffee/drink, then at least 4 of them will disappear before the date itself.

Hence you need to avoid putting all your eggs into one basket too soon smile

hatesponge Wed 19-Sep-12 21:47:59

I think at one point I was exchanging messages with about 12. 6 of them asked for dates, I ended up giving my number to 4 after dates were arranged for the following week. Never heard from 2 of those 4 again, the other 2 text me constantly for a few days, then complete silence.

That's how you go from 12 men to 4 dates to zero, in the space of about 10 days!

OhEmGee24 Wed 19-Sep-12 21:48:32

Sponge where are those stats from?!

redhappy Wed 19-Sep-12 21:53:55

Ok, well I sent a message to a guy, just a really short one about something on his profile. No reply, but I haven't got a pic so it's to be expected.

So basically, don't take anything personally, and if it works out, great. Otherwise, yes, a welcome distraction from everyday life.

hatesponge Wed 19-Sep-12 21:55:58

Stats are culled from many years of dating experience - mine and a few others on the dating thread smile (OP, you'd be more than welcome to come join in that thread btw, we discuss all manner of stuff as well as the highs and lows of OD, and are v friendly albeit somewhat cynical realistic in outlook!)

redhappy Wed 19-Sep-12 22:01:30

Thanks hatesponge I'll have a look for it tomorrow, on my phone now and it makes me a very impatient reader.

skyebluesapphire Wed 19-Sep-12 22:13:37

so far on POF I have had

a guy who wanted me to watch him stroke his ...... (I didnt)

a 27yo fireman who likes older women (im 40)

a 22 yo student who likes older women

a chef who asked how frisky I am and would I be up for it if he cooked me a meal..

a bloke whose ex dumped him because he wanted too much sex and how often did I want it....

one nice guy that I had a lovely walk with, but has got the most awful teeth and i mean really bad, rotten ones..... who now keeps texting and facebooking me....

on - it keeps matching me with people who are 200 miles away.....

Im about ready to quit, lol

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