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can't sleep because i'm not in love with my partner

(9 Posts)
sophnchaz Mon 10-Sep-12 05:00:47

4 years together and 19m old Ds. Not emotionally there anymore, no romance, not caring, swears (i hate swearing AT people), no consideration what so ever, hasnt changed a nappy for a year on his own, hasnt looked after the baby for more than 1 hour on his own. Hasnt kissed me in ages, hasnt acknowledged his lack of commitment to us as a family, will do whatever it takes to sit on his arse and do nothing. I have to do everything for him, he contribute financially but I want a family rich in love not money (and its a tiny amount). Hes lethargic and looks tired all the time.. he told me tonight he was unhappy, unhappy, so i guess im calling it then. I'm not going to force him to stay!

Little does he know there is someone out there with get up and go, who loves me and cares for me and that person will find me one day smile

I know it has so many repercussions leaving my son's father, but everyday i look at my boy and i think were worth much more!

My mum told me ages ago i was worth much more and he was punching way above his weight

i sound terrible but right now its raw and im looking at the positives

my mum is right all the time i should have known

ErikNorseman Mon 10-Sep-12 07:26:37

When you know, you know. There is no point staying in an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship just for the sake of the children. They will know if you aren't happy. Good luck!

Lueji Mon 10-Sep-12 07:30:54

It looks like the problem is not your lack of love.

ecclesvet Mon 10-Sep-12 07:56:31

Your partner sounds depressed. Has he seen his GP?

Mumblepot26 Mon 10-Sep-12 07:58:53

Did you ever love him? I agree with Eccles, is it possible he is depressed?

WaitingForMe Mon 10-Sep-12 08:29:01

What does it matter if he's depressed? He's not being a true partner to the OP and she wants more out of life.

It's unfortunate for him if that's the reason he is a poor partner but OP has the right to move on. I wouldn't settle for a partner like that regardless of what the reason or excuse was.

sophnchaz Mon 10-Sep-12 09:55:07

Thanks for your opinions! I appreciate seeing it from another perspective. He probably wasn't ready to be dad (my fault as well) I find it like it's his lack of confidence, he doesn't do things because hes worried about failing. Everything up to the point of birth he was really lovely, I loved him until he started living with us. We lived apart for a year because we were saving money and both our parents couldn't accommodate us together. He has been there for me in the past and I think that put him on a pedestal for me because no one had been that nice to me before. He is not organised and didn't contribute much in helping us move and he didn't appreciate how i would like to keep the house and decorate it... etc which is important to me anyway.

He really just works and then goes upstairs in the evening to go on the computer. I say to him do you want to talk and i get a kevin the teenager response. He never wants to talk about anything and it makes me feel like crap. I have basically pussy footed around him done everything he's wanted to do. I should have not been with him in the first place, he was so lovely and kind and very thoughtful. Now he isn't, so i guess he's just not in to being with anybody anymore, I stayed making excuses for him and not answering back in fear I would be on my own. Now it looks pretty tempting. I have lied about our relationship and what it's really like for so long.

He wouldn't come with me to do the weekly shop the other day and I had to carry our son around because he wanted me to hold him i could have done with some help. It's like hes just opted out and I am tired of making out like hes fine and perfect. I will love him for our ds, but I feel like I'm settling for the bare minimum. No interest in any of us at the mo. I know the moment I say I want to end it he will not want to because hes a contrary person. Anything i say is wrong he's right he corrects me on things and tells me what I'm doing wrong BUT he never does it himself. My mum is now taking on his role and has done for the whole 19 months, he has no problem putting our child in my mums care... which is a little disrespectful to my mum. She does it because she knows he doesn't help me enough and she loves me and my son and I'm grateful he never thanks her or talks to my family. He has never met my extended family... more excuses.

rant over sorry

thanks for reading smile

sophnchaz Mon 10-Sep-12 10:03:14

Another point he would take prority over doing something with his friends and not tell me about things... silly things and that has irked me in the past. He doesn't enjoy being with us anymore.

charmaine10222 Tue 09-Apr-13 05:59:24


I know your post was some months ago but I was just wandering how you are getting on?

My husband also suffered from depression. It have the same symptoms you describe. He was depressed for our entire 15 year marriage, we have a daughter that was 5 at the time we split up. The impact of that split up is still so raw and visible for her today almost 20 months later.

I just think if it get to the point where you are just unhappy, you can work on it, if it get to the breaking point, you would not want to work at it anymore hmm. The last is where I was.

I left home with my daughter and regret it so many times because of the devastated effect it had on her life.

I will always have a love for her dad, but the divorce got messy and he decided in the end to move abroad. Unfortunately him leaving her will break the bond that I so desperately tried to upheld. He is just as hands on via Skype as in real life.

Long story short. I am happy and she is accepting and moving on. Still don't help me with the guilt. hmm

I hope you do what is right for your family and work towards being happy whether that is together or separate ...

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