Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Does your DP/ NSDP have a Mood Cycle?

(14 Posts)
daiseehope Fri 07-Sep-12 00:43:41

Hello, Wondered if anyone had noticed this. My NSDP can be very nasty. He's an utter shit for about 3 days, and then returns to Mr Loveable once more. I reckon it's generally 3 / 5 days shittiness per 28 I reckon.

I know I should leave him, and am sorting finances to do so. Obviously drink / drugs / sport show up as triggers , but there is really a pattern developing. He's odd.

lisaro Fri 07-Sep-12 03:06:52

What's nsdp?

humblebumble Fri 07-Sep-12 03:12:36

not so DP?

mirai Wed 26-Sep-12 16:45:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TimeForMeAndDD Wed 26-Sep-12 16:57:15

Mine did. All ok for about 3 weeks then the mood would change, no triggers that I could see. He was vile, totally abusive, including wanting me out of his house, out of his life, even finding houses for me and saying he would finance the move. One day I left, under my own steam, to a refuge, because I couldn't take it any more. And the miserable twat seems no happier for it. Meanwhile, I am happier than I have been in my life. Go for it! Life is too short to suffer someone else's crap.

Lovingfreedom Wed 26-Sep-12 17:26:19

Yes, mind did. Moods could change very quickly and unpredictably. I could never understand what the triggers were or how they were working and couldn't predict how he would be - so was treading on eggshells a lot of the time. Sometimes the same thing that could at one time trigger a negative effect would then trigger a positive effect. Was completely confusing and baffling. Since splitting with my 'DH' the world seems a much simpler place, with some level of predictability. Like TimeForMe... I'm happier than I've ever been (hence my Nickname) and although there's still crap to deal with, it's my own (or my kids, although they don't have a lot of crap...touch wood) and it's all manageable.

Lovingfreedom Wed 26-Sep-12 17:28:31

It was like being on a crazy roller-coaster where you're never quite sure how long the ride to the top, when you're going to crash down again, how far you're going to fall the next time, how long before the next climb up....etc etc. It's also quite exciting/exhilarating at times, but exhausting and it's a huge huge relief when you finally get off!

TimeForMeAndDD Wed 26-Sep-12 18:10:40

It certainly is a huge relief Lovingfreedom, but it takes some getting used to, don't you think? Being able to relax and not be on guard, getting used to not walking on eggshells. One of the things I noticed after leaving was that my breathing changed, might sound daft but while living with him I didn't breathe properly, I sort of held my breath, in anticipation. And leaving cured my long term constipation grin The counsellor said it was because my body was no longer is stress. Even if you think you are coping, your body tells you otherwise.

mirai Thu 27-Sep-12 08:06:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 27-Sep-12 09:06:27

My exH (and the clue is in the prefix) had a sort of mood cycle. Then again, he was a selfish git with a big streak of spoilt brat for good measure. It was almost as if he'd get to a point where life had been going a bit too well, a bit too easy, for too long ... so he had to bring himself down along with any poor bugger that happened to be in the vicinity. Any minor thing could trigger it from a parking ticket to being overlooked for promotion. Usually started with a drinking bout followed by days of 'poor me' melancholy and shitty behaviour.

Like I say, he's an ex.... smile Since he left it's like the sun came out. Keep sorting those finances.

Lovingfreedom Thu 27-Sep-12 10:21:38

Yes TimeForMe... I had a almost constant pain/stress/tingling from my head down my neck/shoulders and yes, I had to remember to breath. I was also getting regular night terrors (waking up screaming with heart pounding, images of black figure over the bed sometimes attacking me).

This was all especially bad if I had something that I needed to discuss with 'DH' as I had no idea what mood he would be in or how he would take anything.

It does take some getting used to... One of the very first things I noticed was that I enjoyed music again, and things like birds singing and a sunny day. This sounds a bit sappy..but it's completely true. I still have to remind myself that I don't need 'permission' to do things.

domesticgodless Thu 27-Sep-12 10:25:05

I have one of these (mood cycles, not the DP smile). I'm diagnosed bipolar type ii (no highs... just agitation, depression and occasional 'ok' moods) and the meds have helped. Not witht he depression but with the anger and rattiness.

Some of your dps might benefit from treatment... not that its' at all easy to access.

KoPo Thu 27-Sep-12 11:02:45

My DH does to an extent. Mid June he withdraws and is grumpy each and every year. He isnt aggressive just desperately sad and low each year. This is due to the fact that he lost his first DF in a car accident in mid June and then 4 years into our marriage we lost our DSD also in mid June (the daughter of his late fiance ). I can understand him having difficulties at that time of year though.

Lueji Thu 27-Sep-12 11:12:18

I think it's normal for everyone to change their mood, but not to be utter shits.
That's sounds more like the cycle of abuse. sad

And drink and drugs are the pits.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: