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weed smoking DP and fed up me

(116 Posts)
broodyandpoor Thu 06-Sep-12 20:03:27

DP has gone to his 'friend's house to smoke weed sad angry
Which means when he arrives we wont be having sex (as usual), or having a conversation and I can't hug him in bed because he will absolutely stink from his lungs out through to his mouth.

Last Night he got stoned with this friend too, I let this go but why does he have to go again tonight?

I was invited but its not my scene.

Tomorrow (our only day off together for a week) he will be flat/ tired/uninspired/lazy/grumpy.

Tonight he said to me do you mind if I go round Steve's tonight?
I was annoyed he asked me like I'm his mother or something but I said he can do as he wishes but eventually this will create a wedge between us and we will end up going our separate ways.

Before he left I said that I am going to uni, have lost a lot of weight am nourishing my life with positive people and healthy eating whereas he has left a teaching job to work in a minimum wage job, I told him that we will end up growing apart if he keeps making these choices, he told me that I am nasty and that I ruin all his nights out sad

We went for dinner tonight because he was hungover from yesterdays antics he wasn't much company and moaned about how expensive the restaurant was, even though we were going halves on the meal, then when I attributed his flat feeling to his weed smoking yesterday, he told me I was being nasty, I told him it's just the law of cause and effect what goes up and all that, but he just thought I was blaming things and 'you can just feel flat randomly sometimes.'

Shit- every time he does this I resent him more and more.

Tonight he said I better hold on to this friend (the weed friend) because I dont have any others confused

But he doesn't take up hobbies or do anything which socialises with others so he wont meet better friends if he spends all his spare time with gun toting druggies angry

If you got through that- thank you I just needed to vent.

RoobyMurray Thu 06-Sep-12 20:05:40

Wait- gun toting????

BlackberryIce Thu 06-Sep-12 20:06:21

Can you comfortably afford this 'habit'? It all sounds grim

Busybusybust Thu 06-Sep-12 20:07:22

So what are you getting from this relationship?

You probably need to think about whether you want to be in this relationship in, say, 5 years' time?

broodyandpoor Thu 06-Sep-12 20:07:41

yeah he was arrested an few nights ago, I didnt care to ask for the whole convoluted story but it involved a gun and a drug dealer.
The reason I know about this is because his girlfriend rang our land line to ask if we'd seen him, I rang her back and she was on her way to the police station to pick him up. YAWN

broodyandpoor Thu 06-Sep-12 20:09:31

We keep our money separate and my DP rarely buys the weed he smokes the other guys stuff but it's not normal strength its makes my DP turn into a lemon, he goes quiet pale, starts eating all my food (he refuses to buy his own food for the house (because he eats at work)

jkklpu Thu 06-Sep-12 20:10:15

Sounds a sad situation - do you have kids with this man? Any chance he's depressed, not that this should be a get-out for playing a full part in your relationship?

mrscumberbatch Thu 06-Sep-12 20:10:57

His girlfriend rang? I take it you mean the drug dealers girlfriend.

broodyandpoor Thu 06-Sep-12 20:11:53

Yes my the drug dealers girlfriend my DP's friend

broodyandpoor Thu 06-Sep-12 20:12:34

I dont have kids with him, Im starting a degree now so am not looking to have any for a few years.

mrscumberbatch Thu 06-Sep-12 20:14:01

Thank god i thought I read it wrong and that he had another girlfriend!!

FWIW. DP used to smoke a lot of weed. Bored the shite out of me, we were always skint. Ultimatum was placed and now everything's fine.

He wasn't happy with his previous lifestyle but had no impetus to change. Once he had quit smoking he got a bit of motivation/confidence back.

broodyandpoor Thu 06-Sep-12 20:14:27

I just hate the way he sees it as me being a nag- I met his mother for the first time this summer, she does everything for him and turns a blind eye to his faults but Im not willing to do either. Im so unsatisfied, sexually, emotionally and most of the time lonely

mrscumberbatch Thu 06-Sep-12 20:14:33

It sounds like you have everything going for you but he's weighing you down.

ArtVandelay Thu 06-Sep-12 20:15:11

I hope you don't think me rude here, but is this the French chap that fibbed about the CSA and some other stuff? Please end this madness - you have your whole life ahead of you. Just run!

LovelyMarchHare Thu 06-Sep-12 20:18:19

Let there be no confusion here. He is a waste of space and will drag you down and down if you let him. You get nothing of worth from this relationship. Get out whilst you can and don't look back.

Chubfuddler Thu 06-Sep-12 20:18:38

Thank god you don't have children with him and your finances are separate. Just leave. Honestly there's nothing good here, is there? He's a pointless stoner and regards you as a nag cramping his style. Get out now.

broodyandpoor Thu 06-Sep-12 20:18:47

Yes that's him sad blush and if you look further back you'd see more bollocks tales of woe under a different name

bobbledunk Thu 06-Sep-12 20:19:52

Run, seriously it's all downhill from here. He'll ruin his own life if he wants to and that seems to be the direction he's chosen, you can't change him, he'll do as he wants. Don't let him drag you down with him. Dump him.

Chubfuddler Thu 06-Sep-12 20:20:48

Apart from the "status" of not being single what are you actually getting out of this relationship?

ArtVandelay Thu 06-Sep-12 20:21:25

You poor lamb. So what's standing in the way of you getting rid and starting off uni as happy, single mature student? Just say whats stopping you and maybe we can help.

sneezecakesmum Thu 06-Sep-12 20:22:24

And you are still with him? Why?

peeriePistoriuslicker Thu 06-Sep-12 20:22:27

It doesn't sound like this relationship has anything whatsoever for you to stay for. Really.

kinkyfuckery Thu 06-Sep-12 20:34:11

He sounds like an absolute loser!

What was the outcome of the CSA drama by the way?

maras2 Thu 06-Sep-12 20:54:04

Why stay with a drug addict?He doesn't love yo,he loves weed.You deserve so much better.

broodyandpoor Thu 06-Sep-12 20:59:22

I think it's that
scared of being alone coping financially
My employers are counsellors (im their nanny) and they would massively interfere with the whole thing so would have to probably leave my job too (appreciate how mad/ niche that sounds)
I love our rented house so much and saw it as somewhere Id bring up my kids one day
He and I do have good days
Were friends too
Id feel guilty for him

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