Divorce, house, help needed....

[Bolloxshmollox]

Namechanged - help and support would be appreciated. Basically history of an affair, emotional outbursts, aggressive behaviours, swearing and shouting in front of kids but only violence towards walls :-/ Long marriage, four kids at primary and secondary. Mortgaged house with 40-50k of equity at best (ridiculous mortgage as in SE). Low income jobs and no savings.

Separation has now turned nasty and I now know I need to get legal advice which I will do tomorrow. I was hoping that we could just move forwards sensibly but that is not to be. I do not have a problem with access - he can see the kids whenever but I have said he may not have them at what is, for the time being, my house. This has enraged him and he is insisting he has the right to come here and look after the kids whenever. He is living with family and doesn't want to have the kids there- yet it is a nice big house with garden and I don't have problems with them being there.

My immediate question is for those with experience and knowledge- he keeps making excuses to come here. Do I have to let him in? It upsets me and the kids and is basically just a form of control because that's all he has. (last time he kicked over a chair after 5 mins). He is going on about money and how I have to buy him out or let him in whenever. he says he is coming here early tomorrow to get something that I've said I'll drop off, then he says it's to see kids so I then say I'll bring them round, then he says no and gets nasty.

I've had enough and want to cry.

[CarnivorousPanda]

You need a free half hour consultation with a solicitor, can you find a practice which offers this?
I would also suggest seeing CAB or another advice centre, they could also help you access legal advice and also look at the bigger picture re your finances etc.

His behaviour sounds threatening, you mention his aggressive behaviour - so Womens Aid might be helpful too. Have you got a friend/family member who could be there when he comes over, at least in the meantime?

[Bolloxshmollox]

Solicitor is first on my list tomorrow! Will also check out CAB. he just keeps ranting on about HIS house and how until I buy him out he can come in whenever and I shouldn't make him have contact with the kids elsewhere. How can I move on like this? I've spent too long walking on eggshells trying not to get him moody.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I'm not a lawyer but I think your solicitor will be looking at Part IV of the Family Law Act 1996 Section 33. It's an amendment made to cover exactly your situation and it is possible to apply for a court order to exclude your ex from the property even though he is the joint owner. Good luck

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Assuming you've name-changed but are the OP... you need to break contact with him now best you can because he's using every opportunity to upset and bully you. Reduce access to a particular day and to a time that suits you because seeing the kids 'whenever' is simply giving him carte blanche to make your life miserable. If he wants to communicate or dispute the access arrangement, tell him to deal with your solicitor. Then close the lines, bolt your doors and stop responding except through your solicitor. You will still be called names etc. but you will not find it so draining if it's indirect.