Women's size an issue for men??

[WoodchipWall]

I posted earlier today '32, no future........' had some great advice and tips. Thanks to all those that gave their time to help me.

I have also read the thread '27, no sex drive........' and the little debate that has started due to the OPs preference for petitie, size 6-10 women.

I mentioned in my post that I need to lose weight, probably a good 2.5/3 stones so am what is classed as a larger lady, size 14/16.

My reason for starting this one is, well, is this a make or break issue for guys? I've also battled with my weight. I comfort eat and pile it on and then get to a point where I'm truly disgusted with myself and lose weight from there.....I'm getting to that point now.

Although, I'm not in the right frame of mind to be searching for a new relationship just yet, I really am interested to know other people's opinions on this.

I have found in the past, despite whether I'm slim-ish or larger, I always seem to attract attention from men.........thin men, bigger men, tall/short etc etc.

Thought it might be interesting to gauge people's reactions, opinions on this??? What do you think?

[LaurieFairyCake]

My husband would say no, it isn't a 'make or break issue' as people's sizes go up and down due to illness/pregnancy/ageing etc.

He says he thinks younger men might have a visual preference but when they grow up they become more concerned with personality.

I have no opinion in women but I dont have a physical preference for excessively overweight men and generally find men up to about 20 ish stone attractive (I drool over Greg Davies) which is pretty overweight but not knocking down the door frames overweight - I just dont really notice until their shut-in overweight

[ErikNorseman]

All men are different as are all women. Some women like slight, lean men, some like muscles, some like big cuddly bears, we are all different. Same with men. I'm a 14-16 and have always got plenty of attention. Yes there are men who I would not appeal to but that's fine. A lot of men like some curves and a bit of wobble - I have known plenty of men who say they don't find slim women attractive. And truly, attractiveness is far more about confidence and attitude than dress size.

[FermezLaBouche]

I am big (currently size 18)/20 and have had (ahem) a few partners.
In my experience, men range from "don't mind about size as just grateful for a shag" to actively loving my big boobs and body. Oddly enough it's the latter who I've had the best fun, the best sex and the best relationships with. Sex is so much better when you're not trying to hide your tummy with your arm and worrying about wobbly bits!

IMO if you're with a man who would rather you're something you're not, you'll never be completely happy or relaxed. I'm sure you'll get a range of opinions here but this is just my experience.

Having said that, comfort eating is so harmful in so many ways (lots of experience here too!) and a signal that you're unhappy in a lot of ways. (Haven't read your other thread, sorry)

I hope you're feeling ok - your body size sounds lovely. 14/16 was my best size as it put my boobs in proportion. I bet you've a lovely figure. Just try and get it in your mind that any man who gets to go near your body should be counting his lucky stars!!!

[balotelli]

Some men like blondes, some men like redheads. Some men like intellectual types, some men like sporty types. Some men like older women, some men like younger women. Some men like tall, some like shorter. That is accepted and no one really questions it.

But when some men express a preference for slim women or larger women they are often shot down as being shallow.

[FermezLaBouche]

But when some men express a preference for slim women or larger women they are often shot down as being shallow.

It's not shallow at all IMO to have personal preferences. I think people find it a bit shallow though, when one person in a loving relationship changes body shape/weight and the other person finds them less attractive. Can't comment as never been in that position.

[WoodchipWall]

Yeah guess so.....just when you hear a guy say it and you're single, with no-one that loves you as such you think, oh gawd, I'm repulsive!!

Guess, it's true that we're all different with different preferences.

Aw, thank you Fermez, I'll live by that last comment you said :)
x

[geegee888]

To be honest, I can't be all that arsed with what size is an issue for men. I'm more interested in what I look like for my own personal satisfaction, or to be judged well by female friends, and to be healthy and light enough still to be able to compete in my sport. If you consider what "appeals" to nearly all men, and that would be a semi naked porn star with her boobs hanging out, does it really matter? The problem is more a shortage of decent unattached men who behave nicely, rather than what size women are or are not.

I'm not unattached, but its pretty obvious that most decent guys get "taken" pretty early and the few remaining decent ones are a small minority compared to the amount of decent women who are single.

[FermezLaBouche]

The problem is more a shortage of decent unattached men who behave nicely, rather than what size women are or are not.

I'll second that! :) And actually, geegee, you're right about the health aspect. While I can have as much confidence as I like, I despise that fact that I don't feel healthy and I do want to rectify that.

[Worley]

I had a recent conversation with a man about women's body's after children. he said he knew pregnancy took its toll on women and things won't ever probably look the same afterwards. unless upu have a lot if money toassorted it out. I moaned about my mummy tummy and he said it's natural and not to worry about it. and if a man minded it then he wasnt decent enough to be showing it to.
I'm a size 12-16 (too top heavy for my liking now!) but at this size I seem to have more attention from men than I did when I was slimmer pre children. I have also been size 20-22 and although not happy with that I still had attention then too.. so out of all I Think slim pre dc was not as good as cuddly post dc body!

[SundaysGirl]

I am bisexual. I am a slender woman. I prefer curvy women a few dress sizes bigger than I take..and very slender men who are really lean and toned.

I do not think I am shallow, this is what i am attracted to. I do not find other women of the same body shape as me attractive, and i do not find 'cuddly' men or big muscle men attractive. It's just how it is for me. At the end of the day there are lots of people who think my body shape is too small and lots who think it is just right. It's all about preference. We all have them and so long as we don;t belittle others for not having our preferred body type then I say go for what you like!

I hate the implication that if you do not like someones body you are shallow. I do not judge and say 'urgh gross' if someone is to short / tall / fat / thin / whatever for me, but I would defend my right to choose what sort of person I am attracted to.

IMO size 14-16 is not really a larger size it;s just above average, and I think ladies of this size are often the sexiest..but again it's down t personal taste and so on. The important thing is that you feel good in your own skin and find the weight and body that suits you for a. your 'natural' set-weight and body and b. the sort of lifestyle you are prepared to live in order to achieve the body you want.

[Houseofplain]

Tbh it's not a problem. Each and every single man has his preference. Like we do.

I've been a 6. I was so ill looking at this time. To a 18-20. After kids. I did look very large then. Some women carry it. I didn't . I looked fat. I'm now a 12-14-16. More a 14. It's all dependent on store/fit.

I am a healthy bmi, which is all that matters to me. As long as I'm within "healthy" amd I can excersise. I don't care for numbers.

I have to say currently. It's my size now a 14. I get stupid,crazy, amounts of attention. I'm married so dont act on it obviously. My body is shot to bits under my clothes, but on top I look good. I'm comfortable in myself. Grown men do know it's not all like the magazines after a birth ya know. If they don't. They are thick as pig shit :)

[bobbledunk]

People are at their most attractive when they are at their fittest and healthiest, no overfed, couch potato looks their best. Neither are healthy people attracted to the unhealthy. It's very unappealing.

It just depends what you're looking for, if you want someone who's healthy and active then you have to be that way yourself, if you want someone to share takeaways and chocolate with then there's lots of men like that too.

Those who care about their own looks will care about their partners looks, those who don't probably won't.

[skyebluesapphire]

My STBXh didnt mind about my size, although he was concerned for my health (never told me but told my friends apparantly) .

I have been chatting to a nice bloke and I am meeting him tomorrow. We are both 40. He prefers larger women, but says its whats on the inside that counts, not the outside.

I have lost over 3 stone since STBXH walked out on me. I have gone down at least 3 dress sizes and do feel better for it and can walk around easier etc. i would like to lose more. But I need and want a man who loves me for me, not for what I look like.

[BurlingtonBertieFromBow]

I think if you are an attractive woman you will get attention whatever weight you are. I am a 6/8 and I get attention. Posters above are 14/16 and they get attention. Many men do have a preference for slim women (all my exes, for example). It pisses me off when people claim that men don't find thin/slim women attractive because a lot do. But there are a lot of happily partnered women in the world of all different sizes, so I don't think the fact that there are men who prefer slim women is going to cause you any problems at all. I personally prefer men who are tall and solid and possibly rather cuddly rather than slim.

The only concrete medical criteria for a healthy weight is to have a BMI of less than 30. 25 - 30 is 'overweight' but this doesn't actually have any health problems attached. At 30+ it starts to be linked to health problems. That, and your own comfort with your appearance and activity levels, are really the only things that should concern you regarding your weight.

[leguminous]

"Neither are healthy people attracted to the unhealthy."

Bit of a sweeping statement based on your own preferences there, I reckon. When I got together with my now-husband I was fat, and have only got fatter since then - now a size 24, which I assume falls well inside your parameters for unhealthy. He was active, playing baseball and rock climbing, still remains slim, and can't keep his hands off me.

People like what they like. Being at either extreme of weight will significantly narrow down the number of people who'd give you the eye in a crowded bar, but it's not like it makes you untouchable.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

I think so much of it is down to how confident someone is, irrespective of body size/shape.

I'm a size 8-10, 5 ft 10 with a small frame. If I creep up to a size 10 proper, I feel fat. Not because size 10 is fat, it isn't, but because I have a small frame, I look lumpy and bumpy if I'm the wrong side of 10 stone. I get back fat (didn't get this until I had kids), bingo wings and a squidgy tummy. I feel rubbish in all my clothes, they don't fit properly and I find it hard to think about anything else. I think I am a bit body-dysmorphic and always have been. The women in my family are all naturally skinny and my mum who is in her seventies will still give up things she really likes, like cheese, when she puts on a bit of weight. I met twin half sisters (my mum's, long story) three years ago and they are the same, naturally slim and don't like putting on weight so I am sure some of it is in the genes and not just upbringing.

I like being slim and if I put on a bit I will eat only healthy stuff until it goes and it tends to drop off quickly.

The point I mean to make with all this, is that the difference for me between feeling fat and unattractive, and slim and attractive is probably only about 5lbs. When I am 'slim' in my terms, I get looked at in the street, and I know men notice me and I feel attractive. When I am 'fat' I feel invisible. But given that I'm so tall, 5lbs here or there isn't that noticeable to anyone apart from me. But because I feel unattractive, I give off that vibe and it's reflected in the way people react to me. So I'm sure it's all down to what you are projecting.

As for men, I like really big guys - ideal would be 6'5" and about 17 and a half stone - not skinny or with six packs or anything like that. When you are tall it's hard to feel small and feminine, so I think liking being thin and liking big men is part of the same thing - wanting to feel little, something which isn't easy when you are over six foot in heels. What we find attractive relates so much to how we see ourselves when we are with a person. I had boyfriends shorter than me when I was younger but I knew I'd never marry one of them no matter how good his personality because they made me feel awkward and gangly. Equally I think a lot of men like curvy women because they find this feminine and the contrast makes them feel more masculine.

Late night ramblings, but I thought I'd throw in my five pennies' worth.

[Stonefield]

No size isn't a deal breaker for most men just as I think size isn't a deal breaker for most women.
Look in the mirror and like what you see, don't change for anyone else, only change if you want to for yourself.

[tzella]

I'm a big girl (5'4, '20-22) and personally not happy or healthy about it. Out of men I have dated recently I had some who were easy about it, some who were after me for sex with no intention of dating further and some who fetishised my size. (Sounds like millions of them....!) To be honest I felt most uncomfortable with the latter category. It's a harmless (I guess. And perhaps a 'useful') fetish to have but as I'm not happy with my size, it made me uncomfortable. God forbid I'd bumped into any feeders! My latest bf (who turned out to be a nightmare in other ways ofc - recent thread about calling the police) was in the first category but managed to make me feel slightly uncomfortable when he whacked me.

None of this is helpful and I'm turning into one of those posters who is in the throes of a crisis but tries to engage with other threads when she should shut up and concentrate on herself

[Concentrateonthegood]

This is interesting to me. I am a large girl - size 20/22. I get male attention and earlier this year was pursued by someone I met at a social ocassion. I gave in and we started to see each other for 3 months. My point here is that he KNEW my size as we met in real life. I just found his profile on a dating website and he has actually put he wants someone that looks after themselves and is in to sport, suggesting to me that he actually wants a slim girl. But there again, his profile suggests he only smokes and drinks socially and has a job. He chains smokes, was drunk most of the time and hasn't worked for at least two years. What a catch, eh?

[confusedgypsychick]

I was a size 10 when I met DH, he couldn't keep his hands off me, and I remember having a conversation with him where he said he could never find "bigger" girls attractive (was specifically referring to a mutual 'friend' who was about a size 22 or more I think).

Fast forward 3 years and I was a size 18 and DH still couldn't keep his hands off me.

Fast forward 1 more year and I'm now down to a size 12. And guess what. Still can't keep his hands off me. :)

He's fluctuated a lot with his weight as well, and I still love him to bits and find him attractive, no matter how big his beer belly gets.

Point is, if the person really loves you, they won't give a toss what your size is. (however if you really want to loose it they will support you.)

[larrygrylls]

I think that all men (and I assume, women) have an ideal size for partners but are not that bothered about small differences around that ideal. For instance I like women who are slimmish but have some womanly curves. Nonetheless, I am attracted to women with "athletic" builds and to some who are a little over their ideal weight (say 1-1.5 stone). My wife has been from a size 8 to a size 12/14 and I have found her attractive at all those weights. On the other hand, if she lost much more (she is 8 now) or went to a 16, I suspect I would start to lose attraction. The above is based on a woman of 5'4 ish. I know sizes are relative to heights.

Yes, one can recondition oneself and clearly one sees that different societies have different ideas of the ideal size. However, that takes time and being surrounded by different models for many years (I suspect).

Confidence, a nice smile, and a nice voice (and just being a decent interesting person) will override a lot of the physical stuff but I suspect most people have a limit beyond which they could not consider someone physically attractive.

[Houseofplain]

The only concrete medical criteria for a healthy weight is to have a BMI of less than 30

That isn't correct. A healthy bmi is 18.5 24.9. 25 and above is overweight. Then 30 is obese.

I'm in the healthy range and I'm a 14 on average and 5'3. So just goes to show, it's a lot to do with your build.

But bmi can have the odd in accuracy. My dh is overweight...technically but is a muscle house. Who trains for hours a day.

[BurlingtonBertieFromBow]

Yes but there aren't actually any health problems associated with being 'overweight'. It's just a category. 'Obese' is where the problems start. A doctor told me (my BMI is 18.9 btw so I am not trying to justify myself)

[BalloonSlayer]

When I was young I was very very slim and ended up going out with a couple of blokes that made it clear my slimness was one of my main attractions for them. I felt quite uncomfortable with this, as I ate like a horse and my slimness was quite beyond my control; I used to think "er so what happens if I suddenly get the size of body that naturally should have, given the amount I eat?"

I didn't feel however that I got more male attention for being slim. I think most men prefer a woman to have a decent amount of flesh on her bones.

My own preferences for men - don't like skinny, don't like very overweight, a bit overweight is fine. Very muscly men make my skin crawl and I think six-packs are deeply unattractive on either sex.