DH hit me in the face last night and he's not sorry.

[Blackberryinoperative]

My DH hit me in the face last night while I was breastfeeding our baby. He is not sorry. He says he has "forgiven me" for our argument, why can't I forgive him?

I told him he is not forgiven. I am really angry at him but the worst thing is he is not sorry. He doesn't think he was wrong. He did it because I told him to fuck off three times. He warned me to stop saying it but I carried on. He says swearing in front of the children is just as tantamount to violence as hitting.

I am not a weak person or an apologist but I really am nonplussed as to how to take it from here. Separating will be hell on earth. Not because we are so in love or anything but just logistically things will be a complete nightmare. How do I make him see he was wrong to hit me? And that swearing sometimes does not a bad parent make?

[AnyFucker]

How do you make him see ?

You report him for assault, let an outside agency "make him see" as it appears he has scant regard for your opinion

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

Your husband hit you in the face when you were breastfeeding his child?

Sorry but even if you did swear at him, there was no was violence was warrented. He is trying to justify his behaviour by blaming it on you - saying that you deserved to be punished.

Do you see a future with this man?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

No-one should have to 'get someone to see' that hitting others in the face is wrong. It's a pretty basic human standard of decency. Swearing isn't pleasant, either but two wrongs don't make a right. I don't know what logistical problems stand in your way but you sound fundamentally incompatible and your house must be a really horrible place to live.

[NicknameTaken]

You can't make him see he was wrong, sorry. There is no going back from this.

Don't let your life be ruined just because the logistics of separating are difficult. Seriously, logistics can be sorted out. You know you've got to go.

[SoleSource]

He is wrong. Why tell him to f off three times what was he doing?

[Frontpaw]

Are you ok? I assume you were having a row?

Its not ok. Ask him - which is worse, someone calling your child/his mum a name or punching her in the face.

[Blackberryinoperative]

Been looking at women's aid this morning. It seems to be all about sexual violence.

The trouble is yesterday I was very rough with one of our children, smacked her on the leg and dragged her off the settee when she was being very rude to me. It enrages him to see me lose it with the kids. He is right in a way, but it's how I was brought up. He was brought up to be sullen and rude to parents, I was smacked and shouted at for misdemeanours. It's hard to unlearn the behaviour. So he was really angry with me and I was with myself too. But he doesn't help with discipline. He was sat there listening to the whole episode with dd and didn't really want to get involved or back me up.

He just went to sleep last night with the comment that I'm a shite parent and he will make sure everyone knows it if I go around painting him as the violent one.

[FelicitywasSarca]

You cannot make him see. Phone the police.

You are not in the wrong. Swearing and punching are not the same.

[Lottapianos]

I'm so sorry OP How horrible and terrifying for you. He is wrong, 100% wrong and even if he had apologised straightaway, this is totally unacceptable behaviour. There is nothing at all that you could have done that would justify what he did to you.

Are you injured? Do you need medical treatment? I would think very seriously about getting in touch with the police - he assaulted you. Women's Aid would be an excellent place to start if you want to talk through your options with someone who is well placed to advise you.

[FelicitywasSarca]

Sounds like he is manipulating you to feel bad about your parenting for his benefit.

It is therefore even more important to get his assault logged with the police.

Yes, you need to get your anger/discipline techniques with the kids sorted out (and I think you know that). However, they are better off with a parent trying to do the right thing rather than a parent who thinks its totally ok to punch people in the face.

[AnyFucker]

Go straight to the police and report the incident, get any injuries logged

Be prepared for your relationship to end, which is what must happen

You also need to stop hitting your kids. Your home sounds utterly toxic to bring kids up in. Get rid of your abusive husband, and seek immediate help with your own anger issues.

Is this going to be one of those threads, I wonder ?

[Blackberryinoperative]

The reasons I told him to fuck off were because he was expressing his distaste for how I deal with rude bad behaviour from our children, and I was pointing out (politely at first) that seeing as he did not choose to contribute, he should keep his mouth shut.

Every time one of the kids plays up he says "you can't cope, you're a shite mother" while not actually trying to help.

I'm not the worlds best but I do try and I love my babies.

[onemoreforgoodmeasure]

You don't reason, you leave, protect yourself and the baby. And you can get yourself to your gp and ask for parenting classes to provide support for you while you learn to do things differently than the way you were raised, which might also give reason for why your tolerance for your OH is so (too) high. It can turn out just fine.

[ZZZenAgain]

you have a lot of problems with your own behaviour which need sorting out, whether or not you separate.

[AnyFucker]

Womens Aid is not just about sexual violence. Their literature and website makes that perfectly clear.

[Trazzletoes]

Women's Aid is not only reserved for sexual violence. They can help you. You do not have to put up with his violence.

As an aside, is there anywhere you can go for coping strategies when the children are playing up? No matter what happened you did not deserve to be hit, but it sounds like you might need some help in finding other ways to deal with your children's behaviour as well.

[lostmywellies]

Every time one of the kids plays up he says "you can't cope, you're a shite mother" while not actually trying to help.

Hmm. The reply, "What does their behaviour say about YOUR parenting?" springs to mind...

[Blackberryinoperative]

What is one of those threads anyfucker?

I came here to ask for advice, i know how I react to button pushing isn't ideal and I am trying to help myself by putting various parenting tactics into place I am determined that I improve my own behaviour. Shame he isn't.

[AnyFucker]

Blackberry, one of those threads that ends up a "which gender is worse" bunfight

There have been a few recently

[Trazzletoes]

How old are DCs? If young, and you have a decent HV, she may be able to help with parenting. Mine has been a godsend in helping deal with DS's toddlerhood.

[Blackberryinoperative]

I don't have any injuries just a sore nose it feels blocked but it hasn't bled or anything.

I feel so sad for my kids, we are turning out to be one of the families I used to look down on. Harassed sweary mum, useles Tosser dad. Just like my own family!

[Lottapianos]

OP, you can get lots of advice and support about managing your children's behaviour in a healthy way from your local Children's Centre and this is something you need to get on top of. That can wait for now - the priority is to make sure you are safe and not in danger of being physically assaulted in your own home again.

[Blackberryinoperative]

Well at the moment. I feel like the worst mum in the world. He keeps reiterating that I'm shit and it's starting to sink in. I feel like I'm drowning.