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DP mocking my job applications

(158 Posts)
SpottedGurnard Tue 28-Aug-12 23:10:58

We have moved to Devon for DPs job, great for him but bad for me as the overall majority of jobs down here are minimum wage.

One minute he's telling me that I need to apply for every job available right now, the next he's mocking an application that I'm doing that is a little better paid than most but is effectively customer service on an information desk at a university.

I have spent a lot of time on the application as I was excited to have found a job that isn't minimum wage and that will mean that I can meet lots of new people and be in a young environment (I am not too many years out of university myself so would fit into a university environment).

Now I just feel a little bit shit and like I can't win. By moving down here I have given up any chance of getting a good job for the next few years- there just aren't the same kind of jobs here as you get in the South East.

AIBU to feel very fed up with him right now?

JumpingThroughMoreHoops Tue 28-Aug-12 23:12:24

Perhaps he thinks you are worth more?

Katisha Tue 28-Aug-12 23:12:57

Why does he feel the need to put you down? Does it happen a lot?

FallenCaryatid Tue 28-Aug-12 23:15:38

He's being an unsupportive PITA, perhaps he thinks he's being amusing.
Tell him you've decided to become a kept woman and he can keep you in style for the rest of your life. You moved for him, he should appreciate your selflessness.

RagingDull Tue 28-Aug-12 23:16:51

what did he say that mocked you? and have you told him to put a sock in it....?

tartyflette Tue 28-Aug-12 23:20:37

He sounds jealous, tbh. And worried that you might get the job.

tartyflette Tue 28-Aug-12 23:21:34

And good luck with the job application, I do hope you get it.

Londonista1975 Tue 28-Aug-12 23:30:29

He's being a prat. Well done for finding something you feel could be fulfilling - not easy these days! - and good luck with the application.

coppertop Tue 28-Aug-12 23:32:42


You've supported him in his job by moving to Devon, yet he can't even bring himself to offer support with your job application.

Victoria3012 Tue 28-Aug-12 23:41:58

Let the mocking be your driving force to get a good job, let it make you determined to succeed.

Waitingforastartofall Tue 28-Aug-12 23:44:05

YANBU and should do whatever you feel would suit you best as a family. DP does this when i apply for something that im not qualified in and it can be really disheartening when you are really trying. I dont think its meant maliciously he just feels that i should be aiming for better when realistically i just want to work.

You should carry on and good luck to you!

Waitingforastartofall Tue 28-Aug-12 23:45:01

meant that i apply for things not related to my qualifications so see what he may mean with lower paid jobs ect but as long as you are happy and fullfilled then YANBU

suburbophobe Tue 28-Aug-12 23:50:58

^ that will mean that I can meet lots of new people and be in a young environment^

this is his problem

tartyflette Tue 28-Aug-12 23:53:40

^^ Yup. Jealous.

SpottedGurnard Wed 29-Aug-12 00:03:56

Maybe he does think that I could get better but there really isn't anything around at the moment. Even minimum wage admin jobs want experience and qualifications.

He helped me write a good cover letter for the job but kept laughing whenever I put the job title in the letter. He told me he thought I would be good at the job I have just left and then when I got the job he revealed that he hated it when he did it. I don't understand why he didn't tell me that before I got the job.

In the past few days, since he found out my uncle arranged for my cousin's boyfriend to do an internship at the bank he works for in Singapore, he has started talking about me getting an internship abroad too. No thought into the fact I have no interest in banking...

zippey Wed 29-Aug-12 00:17:41

He probably thinks he is being funny, and probably looks down upon people with lesser jobs/money.

Dont let him put you off though, good luck.

monsterchild Wed 29-Aug-12 00:40:39

Why does he want you to move abroad? Why not just let you stay where you were if he wants a long distance relationship?

NarkedRaspberry Wed 29-Aug-12 00:41:43

'In the past few days, since he found out my uncle arranged for my cousin's boyfriend to do an internship at the bank he works for in Singapore, he has started talking about me getting an internship abroad too. No thought into the fact I have no interest in banking'

Er, he did want you to move to Devon with you didn't he?

NarkedRaspberry Wed 29-Aug-12 00:41:51

with him

agnesf Wed 29-Aug-12 00:55:46

Dear OP

I really feel for you. We moved away from SE with DP job. It was a lifestyle choice and I was really happy to do it but after the excitement of moving etc I realised that I needed a job and was completely shocked with what I found. The jobs market outside of SE is completely different and maybe your DP doesn't realise that.

Did you move just because of his job or because you wanted a different life for your family. Could you talk to him about this in that context.

Also could you get him to sit down and do a few web searches for jobs - it wouldn't take long for the reality of the situation to sink in.

Maybe he feels a bit guilty about putting you in this situation and is trying to cover it up by making a joke of it.

I agree his behaviour is very annoying and frustrating - he needs to know that you feel that way and you both need to work out how it can work for all of you in this new situation.

NCForNow Wed 29-Aug-12 01:01:39

My DH was like this when I recently thought about getting a job as a cleaner.

I'm a writer and find to hard to mix...working from home all day can be I thought I would at least try something to get out of my home environment but that wouldn't put me in too stressful an environment.

Also, I like cleaning! He was sort of mean about it and I think it was because he felt I was above it or something.

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 29-Aug-12 02:14:13

"AIBU to feel very fed up with him right now?"
Frankly I'd be more than fed up with him, I'd be damned angry. You have moved to Devon to accommodate HIS job, presumably giving up your own job. That is deserving of gratitude and appreciation, but instead he is - mocking?

"In the past few days, since he found out my uncle arranged for my cousin's boyfriend to do an internship at the bank he works for in Singapore, he has started talking about me getting an internship abroad too. No thought into the fact I have no interest in banking..."
Or indeed that since you relocated to Devon FOR HIS JOB, moving abroad rather defeats the purpose, surely? confused Or is he going to give up his Devon job and follow you? I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but it does sound to me that he values you according to your income. Low wage=mocking, foreign assignment=encouragement.

Do you have children with this man? Because if the answer is no, then I would be reconsidering your move to Devon. Maybe you could relocate back to the SE and continue seeing each other at weekends etc?

He really does not seem to appreciate that you have made a career sacrifice to move to Devon. That level of taking-SpottedGurnard-for-granted is very worrying.

Downandoutnumbered Wed 29-Aug-12 07:04:13

Bloody hell, I'd be tempted to move back to where I came from without him. If he's this much of a jerk, he's not worth making sacrifices for. I would be beyond upset if I'd made a big sacrifice for a partner and he then wasn't supportive.

Jinsei Wed 29-Aug-12 07:13:27

Universities are great places to work - usually good T&C and a fair number of opportunities for internal promotion once you have got a foot in the door. Just focus on this job, and ignore your idiot of a husband. This is about you, not him.

lovebunny Wed 29-Aug-12 07:19:15

your partner is taking part in the undermining behaviour that emotionally abusive men employ when they begin controlling mechanisms.
you have put yourself in his hands by moving to devon with him - some men who were not formerly abusive become so when a partner moves away from her support groups - family, friends, work.
do you have children with him? i take it that you don't, as you can consider moving to singapore.
if i were you i'd take any job that gets you away from him. go to singapore, even for a short time. move back to where you lived before. move to somewhere new entirely. don't get a job in devon.
in fact, pick up your kit bag and move on. before he gets home from work tonight.

all the above roughly translates as that oft-used mn phrase - 'leave the bastard'.

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