Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How much time does a dad get with kids if things get to lawyers?

(28 Posts)
TryingToKeepitTogether Fri 24-Aug-12 00:18:08

My nickname needs changing, I have now officially given up, and Im moving out, nearby, soon. We have agreed that to start I will get 140 days a year with our DD. That's half the holidays and weekends, plus one night a week during school. I want more, but the mere suggestion is jumped on with " right I'll talk to my lawyers". For now I want to avoid nastiness, and ex says the same, so long as she gets exactly what she wants. But if I feel its unfair, and she keeps making the same threat, does anyone know how much custody I might get ? We both work, my wife was working 3 days a week before and will shift to 4, I am 5.

Blondie1969 Wed 10-Jul-13 12:04:38

I have a ten year old and six year old. A year ago started a trial separation where we looked after the children fifty fifty.
This worked very well and both me and ex wife worked well together to minimise impact on kids
After a couple of months the trial turned to permanent. And the child arrangements continued.

Roll on to Feb and all the agreements we made with regards to division of house and shares went out the window.

Not got an issue with regards to ex wanting a greater percentage but she believed that the percentage would be greater but unfortunately because we were looking after the kids fifty fifty it meant that we both had equal housing needs. Once my rent was deducted from take home pay. My income was the same as hers and therefore split was no longer as much in her favour.
She then tried asking to have the kids more time but her best friend told me the reason was to increase her maintenance and increase the share of marital assets.

She tried threatening me saying she would take me to court

My solicitor had a word with her solicitor and mentioned there had been a status quo for over the year and there was numerous emails/comms saying the arrangement was working fine so asked what the reason was for wanting to change. Never heard about it again as she knew "financial" was not a justifiable reason.

Are you both wanting house sold or is there a possibility your ex can change her mind ask to live there until kids finish education (if she can take on mortgage payments?)

I agree with pombear that fifty fifty would be a nice starting point for discussion. Yes me and ex have issues sometimes but I want to be involved in bringing up my kids as much as ex does. If that means that i have to help with buying school clothes, non school clothes, haircuts then so be it. I do not want to be the "fun" parent that does the exciting trips to park, zoo whilst ex has to do the boring stuff like make sure they do homework.
I want my children to understand that I was involved in their day to day stuff as ex.
They seem happy and look forward to both houses as they have different routines at both houses (i don't mean in terms of bed times or amount of TV they can watch) but simple thing like when my youngest goes to bed my daughter makes a hot chocolate for us both, grans a couple of biscuits and we play UNO or chess or chinese checkers for half an hour. Or every other Tuesday my youngest can choose a friend to have over for a play date.

I hope it works out. But based on my experience and friends until financial settlement is worked out there is still a lot of pontential stress points to come.

Dadthelion Wed 10-Jul-13 18:04:28

Well done.

We've done shared care for years, it can and does work if you put the children first, and neither of you think you're more of a parent.

And if neither of you are arses obviously.

TryingToKeepitTogether Mon 15-Jul-13 09:53:25

Interesting to read Blondie1969s post. What worked well for him might work badly for me - meaning that if we rack up a year of living happily in the current arrangement it might be held against me when I come back to seeking my share of our house. For what it's worth, it's in writing that we plan to sell it and split the proceeds equally, including a statement taken down in mediation. Neither of us particularly wants to stay there, it's too big for one parent and half a kid. I guess I might buy her out though, especially if it looks like I will be likely to have a second family. Of course that depends on the as-yet unknown third and maybe fourth parties.

I'm also amused that we seem to be having a little all-male mini-forum here smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now