Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I resent the CRAZY situation we are in! When will life get easier?

(208 Posts)
LifeHope11 Tue 21-Aug-12 20:49:19

I have posted before but just to summarise my situation again:

I have a severely disabled DS who has had recent major surgery.

My DH is under stress because of this, also because his DM suffers from dementia. I do tend to get the brunt of it when it all becomes too much for him. MIL is abroad now but will be coming back later in the year & he is organising a care home for her.....siblings live abroad so it will all be down to him.

I suffer from epilepsy which is under control at present....also have had depression which has responded to medication. I have had a hard time (was also made redundant recently) was near suicidal for a while and very near the brink.....I felt my sanity was under threat! But I have been better recently.

I have just started a new job, however in the few weeks I have been there my boss (who recruited me!) has left, and as of today my boss's boss has resigned. So I have nobody to report to direct & my position feels insecure all over again.

DH has also had problems at work......has been shouted at today by his boss because of some mistake he made. I don't think it is acceptable for him to be treated in this way especially as they know his circumstances. Now he feels insecure too and very distressed.

I have recently been offered a place on the course I applied for to get a professional qualification....but feel selfish for planning this when my family are going through so much. There is a limited window of opportunity to pursue this so postponing is not an option.

When does life ever get easier? I have got so used now to feeling snowed under with problems, I have to keep my sanity intact somehow! How do I cope with all of this?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 25-Oct-12 14:46:17

Quint I'm sorry that was harsh - I read a lot of your threads about your parents and my heart has always gone out to you x

LifeHope11 Thu 25-Oct-12 15:16:45

I think I am going to stop posting here as I am obviously coming across very badly. To read that I give the impression of lacking in empathy toward DH family is hard, I know too well how they feel because I went through the same with my DF. I feel for anyone going through similar.

I must be at my very worst on this thread, but just because I don't write on here about my empathy or all the things I have said/done to demonstrate empathy, doesn't mean that they don't exist.

Likewise that I am 'always miserable'; there is a lot of joy in my life but I am not dealing with that. I am trying to sort my head out here so am dealing specifically with the dark and dismal. I don't know why I have been so unhappy the last few days, am trying to make sense of it. I don't want to inflict it on those close to me & have them worry about me on top of everything else.

DutchOma Thu 25-Oct-12 16:11:21

Why would you stop posting here, if it helps? Two of us thought Quint was harsh in what she said, three of us are trying to make sense of what you are feeling.
I am genuinely bemused by it, because I would shout Hallelujah at the news that dmil is going into a home and you do not.
I really think the train journey is going to be an excellent thing and your husband taking on the care of your ds is also good.
I think you are already on anti depressants, maybe it is time for a review, but I would wait until after you have been away for a few days.

TheSilverPussycat Thu 25-Oct-12 18:00:30

I was dismayed to find that, the best solution having been reached, imho, you were not relieved, and possibly renewed. However, I thought I would feel great when my Ex moved out, and it was not the case.

Being in long term doubt and uncertainty, as you have been, is an enormous strain on your nervous system. Having got into that state, it may take some time for you to rebalance, as it did for me in different circumstances. I'm also reminded of the PhD blues (although didn't submit mine), which sees the sufferer go down in mood having submitted their thesis. And of my friend, who went into a state of collapse for a couple of weeks, following her daughter's recovery from whooping cough.

You are still second guessing how things will be. Time to go forth on your journey and 'take the adventure that Aslan sends.'

You seem to think that your posts here bring people down. That you are somehow imposing on us. We don't have to read if we don't want, and we can care about you without taking on board your feelings as our own...

DutchOma Thu 25-Oct-12 18:42:51

Amen to that SPC. I hadn't thought of it like that

mummytime Thu 25-Oct-12 19:03:30

Have any of you been under this much pressure? Then even though this might be the best solution the OP is left with dealing with her husband's guilt. If she danced around shouting "yippee" she would be being a bit heartless; in fact she probably has to be very careful what she does say or her DH will just project all his guilt onto her.
People are not rational. If you have been surviving on adrenaline then you naturally feel depressed and flat when it starts to drain. She also is about to leave her husband and son for a weekend (and feels guilty leaving them), to go to a spa? Nope to go to her father's memorial.
Of course she feels down. Nevermind the other pressures she is under.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Thu 25-Oct-12 19:32:11

"Have any of you been under this much pressure? "

I have. The pressure lasted more than 3 years, and is only now easing off. I have had very similar issues to lifehope, but no disabled child but a whole host of other serious mindnumbing taxing problems. For the last year I have tried to offer support. But as I dont think I am, I think its is better I leave this thread and hide it. This is Lifehopes thread, and she can take from it what she wants, what ever helps her get by, and not least get to sleep.

ClareMarriott Fri 26-Oct-12 16:46:21

Can I throw in the simple word - communication - if people actually said at the time what they meant, it might not cause all this wailing and gnashing of teeth

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now