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womens attitudes to crossdressing

(882 Posts)
calikid Sun 29-Jul-12 01:16:24

hi everyone,

i write this as a response to the numerous comments on a variety of posts regarding reaction to any stories where crossdressing is a subject. Firstly i'd like to make it clear that i am male and as such appreciate i may be laying myself bare to the onslaught of comment that is likely to come my way. although male i love to wear "womens clothes". What I would like to know is simply why shouldn't I. can anyone give me one valid reason why I shouldn't? because I have never been able to think of one.
I am happily married with two dds and a beautiful wife , all of whom i love very much. My wife knows all about my dressing and has been with me to a couple of tv gatherings. i told her not long after we got together and she was totally fine with it, we have been married now for 8 yrs. we do not let the children know as they are still quite young.
In all other respects I am very much one of the lads......I like football and beer (but then so do many women!), i work in construction, I teach martial arts, I help with housework , I don't mind ironing(coz i can do it while watching tv!)
I take a size 10 and look pretty good in a skirt and heels, but then so does my wife, its just she can do it whenever she pleases and good for her. its just the injustice and ignorance of society that infuriates me.
I'm curious to know how the rest of women feel about the issue

Fairenuff Sun 29-Jul-12 10:41:10

If my dh wore the same as I did yesterday to our local shops, no-one would bat an eyelid. Because I wore a pair of shorts, a short sleeved shirt and a pair of sandals. I see plenty of men and women dressed like that.

Or is cross dressing just skirts, dresses, heels, tights? Because if that's the case it is still putting women in a 'compartment'.

When women first started wearing trousers, it was considered unladylike and was shocking to some members of society. Did that stop them? No. Women have fought and fought to have these choices accepted and now it is quite normal for women to wear what they like.

If that is really what you want OP you may have to put yourself out there. Fight for your rights. Change does not happen quickly. You might never be accepted as a cross dresser but your grandson, or great grandson might.

This is all well and good, being pro-tranny etc, but I stand by my post. If it happens to you with no heads up, you feel that the masculine side that you found sexy and attractive has gone.... Then trust me, its hard to wave the pro-cd flag.

Two of us on here haVe testified that it fucking stinks when it happens to you.

We both love our dhs, but the resentment is there. If they do it for mental health reasons, eg stress release, then what option does that leave us as their wives? Divorce? Hardly fair.

It's great to proselytize tolerance. I agree, each to their own, peaCe out, etc etc... But just walk a mile in our shoes and then see how you feel. When part of the sexual essence that drew you to him is whipped away from under your feet, its not so easy. Trust me.

Fairenuff Sun 29-Jul-12 10:57:53

If my dh announced after all these years that he was a secret cross dresser and wanted to 'come out' I give no guarantee that I would stay with him.

He would not be the person I thought he was. It's a whole other part of his personality and that does change things in a relationship. Not saying it would be wrong of him, just that I reserve the right to not want a relationship with a cross dresser, if that's how I felt about it.

Personally, I would like to know the reasons for it. It certainly isn't comfort or practicality. I suspect there is some kind of sexual, what, thrill?

It would be helpful if the OP came back to answer some of our questions tbh.

faire, strangely I was thinking this too.

Might also add that he is totally comfortable and justified in his mind. I'd love to hear the thoughts of his 'beautiful' wife. (well done there, OP,bagged yourself a looker, eh? )

calikid Sun 29-Jul-12 11:14:29

morning all,
i appreciate the time you've all taken to add your comments to this post, and yes i will come back and attempt to answer and put itno perspective the numerous questions herein. it will take a bit of time tio read thru and pick my words as i don't wantto either offend and or be misconstrued as is all so easy with the written word! Sorry but busy doing work on my extension to the house today so will come back this evening. In the meantime keep those comments and questions coming, i really do value your input

calikid Sun 29-Jul-12 11:17:11

the one thing i'd like to say first is that its not so much a sexual thrill as a sensual thrill. I'm sure lots of you can either understand and or share such feelings when dressing up

No. I can't. But thanks for trying to be inclusive. Bless...

anairofhopeFORGOLD Sun 29-Jul-12 11:36:02

OP have you ever seen a photo of yourself dressed up or a video? If so what did you think feel?

Have you had counciling with regards to cross dressing?

Are you intreseted in campaining to wear dresses to work shopping down the pub?

Is there a certain type of style you wear? Would you be happy wearing bootleg jeams and a fitted pink tshirt?

Do you wear your wifes clothes? share your dd clothes?
Do you see it could be selfish of you to make your children even as adults deal with this?
Could you stop if you wanted to?
Would you get dressed up with your son?
Do you go shopping with your wife and try dresses on im shops?

solidgoldbrass Sun 29-Jul-12 11:40:07

Wouldn't bother me in the least, I have had a couple of boyfriends who cross-dressed and it didn't turn me off, either. The distinctions between 'men's' and 'women's' clothes are pretty arbitrary, as well: there have been times when it was only men who wore bright colours etc and there are several Middle Eastern/African cultures where the men wear what you could basically call dresses.
I do think that if someone finds it a turn-off to have a cross-dressing partner, well, you can't help your feelings. Your feelings are valid. But if it's making you hate and resent your partner, you need to think about ending the relationship, because his feelings are as valid as yours, and if you are basically incompatible staying together will do neither of you any favours.

Fairenuff Sun 29-Jul-12 11:41:45

Do you mean that you like the feel of certain fabrics OP? If you got a tailor to make some 'publicly acceptable' clothing that you could wear out, in the fabric of your choice, then you could quite easily enjoy the feel of sensual clothes wherever you go.

Or if you mean, the feel of a skirt swishing around your legs, you could wear a kilt which is perfectly acceptable and you could go anywhere you liked dressed like that.

Or if you mean dressing up in your finest clothes and making yourself feel pampered, all you need to do is take a lot of care over your personal groomig and dressing. Make sure your shoes are polished, your shirts are crisply clean and well ironed, your skin is well nourished and moisturised, etc. Plenty of men do that too, there are loads of products out there for men.

anairofhopeFORGOLD Sun 29-Jul-12 11:41:54

What is so sensual about cotton full brifes and tights?

What is so sexy about pink trainers or joggins?

I dont get it.

Yes, but it really isn't as easy as ending the relationship when there are three children involved.

OP are you a 'real' Grayson Perry cd, or do you dress up during sex?
Don't confuse the two.

Hmmm, OP have re-read your original post, ignore my ? Sorry.

Fairenuff Sun 29-Jul-12 11:49:37

Good point SGB about different cultures. It's perfecly normal and acceptable for men to wear what look like wraparound skirts or dresses.

I think the difference is whether the man is dressing as a man with a particular outfit on or whether he is dressing as a man who wants to look like a woman.

As has already been said, Eddie Izzard did not try to 'look like a woman' in the same way that Lily Savage did. David Beckham looked good in a skirt because he looked like a man in a skirt, not a man dressed as a woman.

anairofhopeFORGOLD Sun 29-Jul-12 11:50:39

Lost you have the right to be happy as well as your children. If you are unhappy the children will know and as adults feel guilty you staied cos of them. Would you be happy with your husband when your children have grown and moved out and its just the both of you?

What you want and need counts. You cant control how other people feel or what they do only how you feel and what you do.

Chandon Sun 29-Jul-12 11:51:32

I think cross dressers are boring, but that also suspect they think I should find it shocking or special.

To me it seems attention seeking, but maybe I don T really understand WHY people do it.

I did love all the men in the village dressing up as the queen on the jubilee though, that was amusing

LMFAO Chandon,no, I don't think you get it either! I don't think genuine CDs do it for attention!
Jesus! That has made me LOL!

Fairenuff Sun 29-Jul-12 12:06:18

Lots of men wore heels in the 70s - platforms were all the rage.

In fact, men wore sparkly, skin tight clothes, and brightly patterned flares for starters, so I suppose current fashion trends have a lot to do what is socially acceptable. But you could always start a new trend OP.

It wasn't so long ago that it was considered outlandish for men to have long hair. Sometimes, especially with teenagers around 14 - 16 age, I do have to look twice to work out if they're male or female. That's all perfectly ordinary these days too. Boys are starting to wear a bit of mascara or eyeliner much more than they used to.

I really don't think society objects that much to what you wear, it's more about the reasons behind it, why do you wear it, what message are you trying to send.

The fact that it does seems to be sexual is what makes it distasteful to some members of society. And, as you yourself have stated OP, not suitable for children.

PrimaBallerina Sun 29-Jul-12 12:10:23

Each to their own. I'd find it weird and a huge turn off. That in itself would affect our relationship.

I love that DH is a man's man and doesn't wear lipgloss. I'm glad for you that your wife thinks differently.

As others have said, that's my opinion and not that if womankind collectively.

anairofhopeFORGOLD Sun 29-Jul-12 12:11:22

I dont think its shocking or wrong but i would like to know more before i judge grin

for me a man cant know what it is like to be a women because they cant give birth or have af. Its just not possable.

Of course you can love and feel attractive to the same sex as these are feelings.

It is not wrong to dress up anyway you want to or use any product you want to. Women were not allowed to be actors so in plays men dressed up and acted as women. In my cultures men wear dress type clothes even in the uk its called a kilt

what i take offence at is a male having distored image of women and portaying only one aspect of women in a sexualy way and objectfying women.

gold, in that case there was lots to find offensive in the original OP post.

Tranny behavior was the least of it!!

To be honest, this is all too near the knuckle for me. Not entirely comfortable with the tone of the OPs posts, not here to help him get his rocks off and hoist his self-justification pants. Hmmm, I suspect I'm being too harsh on him, precisely because this is a raw topic for me.

But as I don't give a shit about that to be fair, I'll leave it there and let others help him explore his psyche.

bowing out ungracefully

Fairenuff Sun 29-Jul-12 12:21:50

a male having distorted image of women and portaying only one aspect of women in a sexualy way and objectfying women

Yes, I agree. I think that is what many people (men and women) would find strange or offensive. It's not the clothes per se, it's the intention.

Remember the big shoulder pads in the 80s. Women trying to look like men. It wasn't necessary and it didn't last long.

OP, when you dress as a woman, do you wear fake breasts? Do you pad a bra or something?

solidgoldbrass Sun 29-Jul-12 12:44:49

Chandon, do you just think that everyone should be as dull as you sound?

Napdamnyou Sun 29-Jul-12 13:22:28

I've Always had cd friends but never wanted to have a cd partner. I aaccepted that they are doing it for release and a sexual/sensual/comfort thing but there is a part pf me that feels uncomfortable with the parody of mincing femininity, because that is not being a woman, and it can feel like the piss is being taken out of woman-ness, if th cross dresser is simpering and being twee and girly.

One CD friend was more like Izzard and used to wear colourful wraparound skirts and Mexican jewellery with big jumpers and doc martins, he was Mexican and had a beard! For him it was about comfort and fun. The other was more into drag and used to pick up and have sex with men when dragged up in heels, frilly tight things. For him it was definitely sexual. Both had split from their female partners.

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