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Sex and Online Dating - how long?

(42 Posts)
MrsToddNeeLovett Tue 24-Jul-12 10:04:52

Those of you who are doing the online dating thing -

How long do you wait before

a) a proper kiss
b) sex

It's been soooooo long since I've dated that I really don't know what the norm is anymore. Obviously it's when you feel comfortable but I was just curious about everyone elses time scales?

Jinx1906 Tue 24-Jul-12 10:11:12

When you feel you are ready. I think there is too much pressure on these things, just let it develop and enjoy!

But... It is likely that when you get around to A, B will follow faster than you may think!

jumpy2012 Tue 24-Jul-12 15:52:45

With us it was date 3 for (a) when we had known each other for three weeks. (b) followed on date 4, so jinx is right! Date 5 wasn't a date really, we were on a plane to Dubai, spent three nights there over new year and became certain that we were meant to be together.

Nearly two years later and we are in the process of buying a house together smile

MammaTonic Tue 24-Jul-12 15:59:54

How you meet is just the beginning, isn't it? Once you get to kneow the person, how you met is only the starting point. Regardless of how you meet a partner, you're always going to be wary about the integrity of their intentions. So definitely go by your instincts, the same as you would if you'd met at a bar, through friends or whatever.

Good luck!

Lueji Tue 24-Jul-12 17:07:08

Recently, a) was by the second date. b) is still to happen, but I suspect mostly because we haven't had the opportunity. And won't see each other for 2 weeks. shock

It depends on how you feel about him, and about sex too.

Mum2Fergus Tue 24-Jul-12 17:13:38

Well, I got an email the Sat night, chatting on phone by Mon, first met face to face Fri...first kiss and sex within hour of meeting in the Fri, 2 months later he moved country, job and moved in with me, 18 months later DS joined the nearly 6 years on grin

GoodButNotOutstanding Tue 24-Jul-12 17:30:44

We emailed for a couple of weeks then exchanged phone numbers and chatted on the phone a few times before meeting up. We slept together that first night. I had planned on this possibility blush and arranged for dd1 to sleep over at my parents'.

I'm glad we met online as I wouldn't have really given him a second look if we'd met in a pub blush. I'm so shallow grin.

We're now 6 years down the line, we have a house and dd2 together. I'm now working on getting him to agree to another baby, or possibly a wedding.

OhEmGee24 Tue 24-Jul-12 17:35:19

A) first date, B) about date 7, a month later, my choice to wait which he was very respectful of. 7 months on he's the love of my life grin

TheHappyHissy Tue 24-Jul-12 17:59:46

Known each other since the end of April, we're at date 14 now, not counting 'family outings'

From first date to first proper kiss - 1 month (4 dates)

It was at about date 10 that there was more serious fumbling

From first kiss to, ahem, (b)... another day or so I think.... blush

StillGettingItWrong Tue 24-Jul-12 18:50:12

A) First date (very drunk!)
B) Third date (also a bit drunk)

Just felt right though smile

janelikesjam Tue 24-Jul-12 20:03:23

Depends. How. Desperate. You. Are. For. Sex.

If you're not, or you have good self-control, its probably a good idea to wait as long as possible to see if he's worth it (as a person). Most internet -date-men are not, believe-me <bitter>!

I think kissing is a very personal thing, so wouldn't do it as a dating convention.

hatesponge Tue 24-Jul-12 20:10:49

a) usually first date. unless there is no attraction of course.

b) on the basis I never get more than a first date, either then or not at all (usually the latter but sometimes needs must etc...)

Aaargh see, not only that...but what about your ladygarden?
What is the norm these days? I'd be too worried about that to consider sex.
Are bushes too 70s now, do people shave, wax...?
Sorry to hijack OP. MY DH and I were a blind date, kissed on third date, dtd after about a month...

shrimponastick Tue 24-Jul-12 20:19:34

a) Was the third date. Well, a peck on the cheek goodnight from him afterour first meeting.

b) over six weeks.

This was all six years ago, we have been married for four years.

I had dated others online before, and tended to wait a couple of dates for the a) and the b) would depend on how much wine had been consumed.

OhEmGee24 Tue 24-Jul-12 20:29:19

Lostmyidentity - full Hollywood wax every 5 weeks without fail! My dp claims he wouldn't mind bush at the end of the day but I reckon he appreciates it really.

God. Maybe I need to embrace my inner prepubescent and get it all whipped off.

Fucking hell. Makes you wonder what feminist rights and agendas were all about, really.

And I am scared of the pain, too.

GoodButNotOutstanding Tue 24-Jul-12 20:59:30

LostMyIdentity - full bush here, no maintenance at all on my lady garden blush I never even considered this before I slept with dp, just assumed that he'd be fine with whatever was down there as long as he was getting sex grin

JaneLikesJam - that's very true. I was pretty desperate for sex, having had none at all for over 3 years and it had been closer to 7 years since I'd had regular access. I think if I hadn't been so desperate i would have waited longer, but I didn't go on dates with anyone I hadn't been emailing or phoning for a little while anyway.

Hey, good, maybe that's why you didn't get the outstanding? Too much hair in the plenary?

Of course, if you're not a teacher, that joke just went tits up....

MrsToddNeeLovett Tue 24-Jul-12 21:08:45

No hijack away - the lady garden thing was going to be my next question anyway grin after a namechange

See I'm just "Trimmed" down there -

This weekend is our second date so not intending to sleep with him kids sleeping at grandmas just incase however but when it comes to it - what DO men like down there? do they even care?

GoodButNotOutstanding Tue 24-Jul-12 21:37:15

Maybe you're right Lost, why did I not consider that the state of my lady garden would affect the outcome of an observation? It's obvious if you think about it, children learn best when their teacher is hair-free in the nether regions.

MrsTodd Mine claims not to care. He did mention that he's a little concerned about encountering pygmies hmm so I trimmed a little bit that weekend and never did it again cos I cba

TheHappyHissy Tue 24-Jul-12 21:53:20

Op, have you kissed him yet?

MrsToddNeeLovett Tue 24-Jul-12 21:59:34

No, not done anything at all yet - but I fancy him quite a bit so ... you know grin

solidgoldbrass Tue 24-Jul-12 22:40:40

It's best to be honest with yourself and with your dates. If you really feel you have to have some level of commitment from someone to be comfortable having sex with that person, that's fine. Your feelings are your feelings and perfectly valid. But don't treat it like a currency exchange and make people jump through hoops before you'll agree to it: that way lies disappointment all round.

ON the other hand, if you want sex for the sake of having sex, go ahead and enjoy. And finally: I have never waxed my woo woo (Yeow, the very thought!) and no one has ever complained to me about it.

ErikNorseman Wed 25-Jul-12 07:31:03

Trimmed pubes is absolutely fine. I think trimming the undercarriage short is a good idea but otherwise if you don't normally shave or wax don't set a false precedent!

BigusBumus Wed 25-Jul-12 07:42:15

Nowadays I shave it all off. But when I was Internet dating, about 9 years ago, I had like a narrow isosceles triangle on its point of very short pubes, waxed at the sides, shaved underneath. Much less painful.

If I fancied the man I would kiss of first date, perhaps sex on 3rd?

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